Bad & British (Harry Styles)

Chapter 97

It had been an awful and hard two weeks, I don't remember the last night I got a full 6 hours of sleep. It just still boggles my mind how you can keep on giving and giving your thoughts to someone that you already gave everything to. I gave him my love, my virginity, my time, my social life. I gave him everything I had and I still got hurt.

I hate myself for crying over him, I hate myself for loving him just as strong as always. If I could stay all day in bed believe me I would. But I knew Christine wouldn't let me. I didn't hold against her that Harry used me to get to her, it's not her fault almost as much as it isn't mine either. Throughout the days I realized that I would've never stayed away from Harry, after that one time we kissed I was hooked, I needed his lips more and more and I needed him.

Graduation day was today, I didn't want to get ready and I just wanted to get this day over with so I could get back in bed.

"Olivia," Christine sighed "you're still in bed?"

"I can't help it," I sighed slightly sitting up "I don't have interest to do anything else"

"I know it sucks right now but you'll get over it, and you'll find someone that's worth your time and deserves everything you have to offer"

I broke down crying again "I don't want anyone else, I want him" my voice cracked a little in between sobs "I love him so much Christine, this feeling is slowly killing me the more I'm apart from him." I felt her hug me.

"He's not worth Olivia, you have to get ready"

"I don't even want to go," I wiped my tears "I'm not in the right state"

"No Olivia!" She protested "I'll accept you mopping around the flat crying for him, I'll accept you not going out but I will not accept you not going to your graduation! You have burned your eyelashes off studying far too much for you to not go"

"If I see him I just know I'm going to crack Christine, I'm going to break down and embarrass myself!"

"Then don't! One's mind is so powerful you can trick your mind into thinking whatever you want, trick it into thinking you're over him and you'll accomplish it" she said.

"I can convince my mind to anything but I can't trick my heart, I can't help the need I have to have him close and tell me he loves me and that everything was a late April fool's prank."

"Show him how good you're doing without him Olivia," she encouraged "Samara and I are outside in the kitchen waiting, don't be long. And remember, he expects to see you a mess. Don't give him that satisfaction, smile brightly even if you're dying inside. It's the classy way of dealing with your problems."

"But if I keep this sadness inside I might explode" I sighed.

"Don't get any guts on the carpet then, we don't own this place" and with that she walked out of the room and left me in the dark.

Nobody understood this pain I feel, the pain of loving someone but knowing you shouldn't want them because they did you wrong. Then hating yourself for loving them after everything they did. There's days where I'm more mad at myself than him because I fell like an idiot for him, and if I hadn't have fallen this hard, things wouldn't be so overwhelming for me.

I stood up and opened the curtain for the first time in a week and I felt myself get blinded by the sunlight that hit my face.

These past two weeks I got Aiden's friendship back after telling him everything that happened, he almost wanted to go after Harry but I begged him not to and a part of me wants to say I begged because I didn't want to cause Aiden trouble but deep down I knew the reason was because I love Harry so much I don't want anything to harm him, even if he harmed me in a ways Aiden's fist couldn't harm him.