One Stupid Thing

4:2:120

In preparation for JJ's diving excursion, just the simple thought of him being down there— 80 feet down swallowed in darkness with a limited air supply, and all by himself makes my skin crawl. It's enough to quicken my heartbeat and somehow thicken the air making its way into my lungs. As the sun begins to set I watch him get the boat ready, trying to find the words to share my anxieties without full-blown panic, but every time I try to open my mouth to just say something, it fills with saliva that threatens to choke me. Suddenly, JJ's voice breaks through my racing thoughts. 

"—El?" 

I blink up at him. "Sorry, what were you saying?" 

"I was going to ask you about the precise temperature of the water off the coast about 80 feet down at night," he deadpans, bending down to close the hatch in the floor where he was storing some of the equipment. 

"Oh, um, well—" 

"I was joking." JJ stops what he's doing, stands up straight and closes the space between us. "Is everything okay? You were pretty out of it." 

I wrap my arms around myself, swallowing hard and putting on a smile. "Was I? I'm probably just tired." 

JJ places his hands on my arms and leans down to look me in the eye. "Maybe, but you and I both know that's not why you were off in your own world just a second ago. Talk to me." 

Forcing the saliva down my throat again, I look back at him and attempt to pull it together before gathering the courage to be honest with him. "I don't think you should go down there alone. It's not safe."

He shrugs. "I guess it's risky, but we need the money to save our home." 

"I'm not willing to take that risk, JJ." My stare burns into his and I search it for any sign of understanding. 

I can't lose him to the ocean, too. 

JJ's gaze softens instantly and without any hesitation, he pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me. I unfold my arms and snake them around his torso, pressing the side of my face into his solid frame. "I'm not going anywhere, Stella. Not if I can help it." A single tear trickles down my cheek, and collects in JJ's shirt. He pulls away slightly so that he can look down at me. "But you can't come with me. I won't let you." 

I glance down at the tear stain I left on his abdomen and an idea pops into my mind. "What about Kie?" 

"Kie?" 

"Yes, Kie. She'd do it, you know she would." 

His eyes flit between mine. "Are you sure?" 

"Yes," I reply instantly. "I trust you, JJ, and I trust her too. All immature insecurities are in the past. The only thing I care about now is keeping you safe. And I know for a fact that you shouldn't dive by yourself." 

He pauses for a brief moment. "Okay." 

Relief floods through me like a tidal wave. I pull myself back into JJ's arms and let out a breath, large enough to make me shiver. He hugs me tighter this time and I feel him press his lips to the top of my head. 

"Hey, sorry to break this up—" I look up to see Kie standing up on the dock and I untangle myself from JJ's arms, "—but, I've been thinking and, JJ, you can't dive without a buddy. I'm going with." 

"Even though it's 80 feet down in the dark, and moving through structures?" 

Kie's confident expression falters. "Exactly. We gotta save the farm and I'm not gonna go crawling back to my parents." She takes a deep breath. "It'll be fun."