Clandestine {Loki Fanfic}

Five

Megan was suddenly aware of two firm hands on her shoulders, and she instinctively flinched away. This close, her nose filled with Loki's scent, and she could hear him breathing raggedly, as though he had just sprinted a short distance. He put his large hands back on to her shoulders, squeezing with his long pale fingers, and Megan waited for whatever pain was coming. She opened her eyes and saw that he was in fact crouched in front of her, squeezing her shoulders gently rather than menacingly, with a concerned frown on his face.

"I am sorry, Megan. Are you alright?"

Oh yes, my all powerful, bucket full of crazy king. Aside from the near suffocation, I'm just fantastic!

Megan nodded weakly. She was actually feeling almost herself and had regained her composure, but she knew better than to give away her own strength. She was supposed to be a servant girl, after all.

"I am not used to people being able to block me, or see through me, and I find it rather unsettling."

Also you have major rage issues. Wait, was that an apology?

Megan didn't move. She was sitting back on her heels, folded up on the floor with her hands on her thighs and her head bowed. She was surprised when Loki walked away, and she wondered what he was up to. By the time he returned her legs were numb and she couldn't have stood with her usual agility even if she wanted to. She could smell sweet tea, thinking he had made it for himself as a gesture to her. It was only when he put the cup down on the table in front of her she realised he had made tea for her, and she remained on the floor and drank it in silence.

"Anything you would like to say, Megan, you may say now without fear of punishment. Go ahead, speak your mind."

Without looking at him, she spoke calmly and evenly. "You say you mean to rule not by fear but with respect. When I am unfazed by your tricks, you choke me. That isn't respect, Loki. It's fear. I know that I am not your equal, I am your servant and you will treat me as such. But you will find that you gain more loyalty by treating people with respect, not just demanding it for yourself. Earn it. You asked me last week if I would be loyal to you, and I said yes. I lied. I can not ever be loyal to someone who treats people the way you do. And I can never trust you."

He sighed and opened his mouth to say something, but she spoke again before he could form the words. "Thank you for the tea, my king. May I retire to my chambers now? It is after ten." He nodded, and she walked confidently to her room, closing the door and wishing it had a lock. Not for security, but for the symbolism of actually locking him out rather than just closing the door. While she undressed she could see ugly welts and purple bruising already forming around her throat and neck, clearly in the shape of Loki's large hand.

Megan knew she could withstand this, she had fought back against worse while she was an agent and she would do so again. Her problem was fighting back while maintaining a calm unreadable mind and the presence of a meek servant, otherwise Loki would simply crush and forget about her. Collapsing in to bed, Megan would replay the incident over and over in her dreams, and wake from a restless and broken sleep before the sun had risen.

Megan was so tired and sore she didn't know if she could go on. She dragged herself from her bed and showered, dressing quickly in her mauve dress and braiding her hair. Without looking too closely at her neck mottled with black bruises, she went to the dining room to lay out Loki's breakfast and was surprised to find him already there with two places set at the table.

"I'm sorry my king, are you expecting company? Did I forget an appointment this morning?"

"No. I am expecting you. Sit." He gestured to the empty chair.

Megan sat down and waited for further instructions. "That breakfast is for you, Megan. Eat."

"Yes, my king."

"Loki is fine."

"Yes. Loki."

"Allow me to apologise for last night. I forgot myself and I should not have handled you that way."

"It is already forgotten."

He reached a hand toward her, trying to look at her throat, and she flinched away. "I would like to heal it for you, if you would allow me?"

"No." I want you to see the bruises. I want everyone to see the bruises. You don't deserve trust or respect, and the remorse that seeps into your voice is something I want to hear at least until they have faded away. "Thank you, my- Loki. I'm fine."

"Very well. You will not leave here until they are no longer noticeable. I do not want people thinking I am beating you." You ARE beating me! Megan could feel the undercurrents in her mind swelling and bulging toward the surface, threatening at any moment to bubble over. "Megan, how do I earn your trust?"

"I don't know if you can. Could we just go back to me doing my job, serving you, and you being the king?"

"For now, yes."

"Then if you'll excuse me I have chores to do. My king." She bowed her head and left the room, retreating to her own for a short meditation to calm her mind.