Clandestine {Loki Fanfic}

Seven

Megan very quickly learned that the only way to get through to Loki was allowing him to think that everything was his idea. He was controlling to the extreme, and although he claimed to want her advice, and appeared to listen to what she had to say, ultimately most of it was ignored. The best thing to come of her very minor promotion was more freedom, particularly during the day, and she was finally able to arrange a legitimate meeting with Fandral in the gardens without fear of Loki finding out what they were up to.

"Well look at you! I thought Loki might chew you up and spit you out, not promote you and ask for your advice!"

"Yes, well, he might ask my advice but he certainly doesn't take it. Small steps though. How is Thor?"

"Holding up. He has stopped trying to break through the walls so that is something," Fandral chuckled. "Do you think you will get through to Loki?"

"I don't know. Eventually, I think. He offered yesterday, if I'd let him into my mind, he would release Thor. Only he wouldn't, he would see the truth, see how I got here, and probably kill me and keep Thor locked up forever."

"Was he not angry? That you refused?"

"Oh yes." Megan recalled the moment after she had denied him, saying it wasn't trust if he had to see for himself. He had grabbed her upper arms hard enough to leave hand-shaped bruises and slammed her backwards, pinning her to the wall while he tried to force her. Old habits die hard, apparently. He wanted to break me open like a coconut. Her head throbbed again in agreement.

When she returned to Loki he was sitting on the couch, reading a book with his legs folded in front of him. Wearing plain black trousers and a loose-fitting black shirt, he almost looked like a regular person. He looked up as she opened the door, and she saw the hint of a smile on his lips, the tiniest twinkle dancing in his blue eyes.

"You look lovely today, I do not think I told you that this morning."

"Thank you. For the new clothes as well, they're beautiful."

"You are very welcome." He stood and walked toward her, now standing in the small kitchen. "I owe you an apology for yesterday. I lost my temper."

Yes you do. I don't crack that easily.

"You do not owe me anything, Loki. I am your servant."

"Did I hurt you?"

"No,"

"Liar. Let me heal you."

"Please don't, Loki. I'm fine."

"Megan-"

"If you are going to beat me and heal me and beat me again, how am I different to the others? Tell me how I'm different, Loki. Tell me how you've changed your mind about wanting to break me, while you're slamming my head against a wall. If you heal me, you get away with it. You get to stop feeling guilty, and that's the only reason you want to do it. You say you want to be a better man, a better king, earn my trust. That means thinking of someone other than yourself!"

Megan suddenly realised she was yelling, and she was crying. She felt as though she was watching herself from behind, it wasn't her voice, her tears, they belonged to someone else. Where did Agent Beckett undercover end and Megan the assistant to the king of Asgard begin? The line had shifted and blurred, and she could feel her former self fading not only physically but mentally, pieces of her falling away and being replaced by this new self.

Returned to her own presence, she looked down at the floor and braced for Loki's assault. She knew she would be punished severely for her outburst, and realistically she probably deserved it. She saw Loki's feet appear in front of her, his bare skin making no sound on the cold polished stone floor, and she jammed her eyes shut, squeezing tears that broke away, betraying her as they fell to the skirt of her pale green dress.

"Look at me, Megan." he commanded. She shook her head, refusing to watch while he gave her more bruises. I prefer to see the finished work rather than watch the creation of it. He raised her hand and even as she flinched away he grabbed her jaw with his huge hand, snapping her head up so he was looking in to her face. "I said look at me!"

Megan opened her eyes, blinking a couple of times to focus. Loki's mouth was sealed into a line with rage, as though pressing his lips together might dissipate some of the anger. His eyes burned in to hers like ice and his jaw was clenched so hard that she could see the ripple of the muscles in his hollow cheeks.

"You are different." he said slowly, carefully enunciating every syllable even through his clenched jaw and gritted teeth. "You make me... feel things. You have somehow got under my skin, I know not how, but I know it is deliberate, and you will tell me exactly what you are up to. One way or another, you will let me in." He drew out the last sentence, hissing every word at her as though he was trying to make her understand another language by forcing it down her throat.

The negative emotions bubbling inside her suddenly broke their banks and spilled forth, fresh tears streaming down her face and words flowing from her mouth without any thought of stopping.

"You say I make you feel things, Loki? What sort of things? I am just dying to know. I would guess anger, and hatred, and a burning desire to crush my mortal little neck with your bare hands, just to feel the light snuff out in my eyes. But even those emotions aren't real, because you are too fucking broken to feel anything. You think you are better than everyone else, you think yourself superior. You are not. You took the throne by deception and trickery, you did not earn it, and you will never earn the trust or respect of your people for the same reason. You are nothing but a scared, sad, broken little boy who wants to make the world as miserable as he is!"

Realising he had released his grip on her jaw, Megan turned and ran. She expected him to catch her, knowing he could without breaking a sweat, but it no longer mattered. Run, stay, either way he was going to track her down and dole out whatever punishment he felt was appropriate.

When Megan realised she wasn't being followed, she was nearing the edge of the palace grounds. Slowing to a walk, she suddenly realised it was early evening and bitterly cold. Refusing to go back, she huddled herself against a tree with the futile hope that Loki wouldn't find her.

Some time later, shivering and sleepy, Megan heard him walking toward her. She didn't know how she knew that it was Loki, she just knew, and without opening her eyes she felt him throw a cloak around her shoulders. Now she could smell him, it surrounded her and she found it strangely comforting, being wrapped in the soft, heavy fabric and immersed in his scent. He scooped her off the ground and began to walk, and realising she had run out of fight he pulled her head against his chest and she didn't resist.