Secrets (A Severus Snape Story)

Chapter 20 - Nightmares Part 1

WARNING: This chapter includes abuse, depression, anxiety, mentioned suicide, and blood/gore. This may cause triggers, so if you do not like these things, just skip this chapter. (But this is a major chapter, so it might be difficult to understand the story line if you miss this chapter.) Thank you.

Severus' POV:

Don't you ever get those random moments when you just feel the depression soaking through your body? You feel sad and alone... and you feel like you don't belong in this world? Nothing good happens to me, so it makes me feel like I shouldn't even be here. These are the times when you really get to think about yourself. You have no idea how much you've been through until you think about it.

I laid back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I sighed deeply and closed my eyes tightly.

What's wrong with me? Why am I letting Black get the advantage? I shouldn't feel hurt in anyway by his words... but it just stung. I knew exactly who he was talking about.

Lily.

Those Marauders, they were the one that broke our friendship. I would have still been friends with Lily if I didn't- What am I saying? I would have never had a chance with her. I'm just a lovesick idiotic fool who can't get over his childhood crush.

I pursed my lips and sat up quickly on the bed. I only wore a pair of black boxers, due to the unusual heat down in my bedroom. I need to check on that insolent goddaughter of Black. I left her out there without anything, shes probably freezing out there. I was acting like an angsty teenager.

I quietly opened the bedroom door and peaked out. There was a dim light from the now burned out fireplace, but you can still see a small wolf pup sleeping soundly in front of the fireplace. I walked over to the small figure and knelt down. She looked so peaceful, so relaxed. I feel guilty for leaving her out here by herself.

I slowly picked her up and began to walk to my bedroom. The bed was relatively big, so I set her down on the side where she was closest to the wall. Her ears twitched a bit as I set her down. She curled up into a tiny ball and nuzzled her face into the pillow. I felt my lips tug into a smile.

I gently laid next to her, being careful not to wake the small pup. People would think this is inappropriate, which I completely agree, but she needs her sleep. I could see dark circles around her eyes nearly everyday. I couldn't just leave her on the floor. She wasn't lying when she said she was insomniac.

I continued to stare up at the ceiling, a small frown plastered on my face.

Maybe I should sleep on the sofa. What if Albus comes in through the Floo and sees us? He'll probably think we slept together, which I do not want to happen. I could lose my job for that.

I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. I shouldn't have been such an asshole today.

~

I was awoken by a jab to my chest. I let out a groan of pain and glared at the girl beside me, knowing she was the cause. She was no longer in wolf form, she was herself.

I felt my gaze soften when I saw Raven trashing around, muttering inaudible words. Fear was plastered on her face, yet her eyes were still shut tightly. She let out a small gasp as she shot up from the bed, tears streaming down her face. She took deep breaths as she clutched onto her chest.

A nightmare or worse... a memory.

She looked around frantically, her breathing uneven. Her eyes widen as she caught sight of me.

"Please no. Not again. Please stop. No more... please." She whimpered, backing up slightly. She looked terrified.

I slowly made my way towards her. She let out a small sob as she hugged her knees, lowering her face. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."