Chapter Six
The silence was unbearable. In reality it had probably only been a minute at the most, but stood, rooted to the spot, without the ability to speak, for Cheryl it felt like a lifetime.
“you’ve lost weight” Kimberley stated after a few more seconds, running her eyes quickly over the woman stood in front of her.
Her voice was devoid of that tone that usually made Cheryl feel like she was the only person that mattered in the whole world. It was said more as a statement of fact rather than anything else.
She had lost weight. Ever since Kimberley left, her appetite just seemed to hit the floor. Sometimes she had to force herself to eat because she knew how unhealthy it was to miss her meals.
Cheryl opened her mouth to speak, but to her surprise, no words were readily available. She had dreamed of this day, of the day when her eyes would finally find the only thing that they ever seemed to search for.
In her dream it was all so easy, In her dream the words seemed to flow insightfully, making Kimberley realise how much she had missed her and wanted her to come back…home.
“I…I’m..” Cheryl stuttered, never once breaking the eye contact between them. Kimberley’s face was expressionless, making it impossible for the younger girl to read.
“sorry” Cheryl mumbled before pushing past Kimberley and finding herself in the hallway. She made her way up the stairs quickly, feeling the need to put some distance in between her and Kimberley. After a year of waiting, a year of hoping and wishing, she was finally here, and Cheryl had never been so scared in her life.
-
Kimberley stood at the foot of the stairs and looked up them. She felt her stomach tightening at the thought of having to speak to Cheryl, but in some unexplainable way, she also felt as though there was some kind of magnetic force dragging her to the girl.
She sighed deeply before climbing the stairs and walking quietly down the corridor. Her attention was drawn to the only open door on the landing, she walked up to it but stopped when she heard feint sobs coming from inside.
No matter what had happened between them in the past year, no matter how many times she heard Cheryl’s harsh last words to her screaming in her head, no matter how many time she cried and wished that she could have turned back time, that sound hurt her more than she thought she had ever been hurt before.
She thought hard to control the overwhelming urge to go in and comfort her. Every sob was like a knife in her heart. She closed her eyes tightly and tried to push all the bad thoughts out of her head. At one point Cheryl meant so much to her that she would have done anything for her, and now here she was, stood outside Nadine’s guest room listening to her cry.
She reached out and touched the door, as if it would somehow bring her closer to the girl on the other side. It opened slightly at her touch and through the gap she could see Cheryl sat on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands.
For a minute Kimberley found herself unable to look away from the girl. It was as if her eyes were afraid to let her go again in case she never got the chance to see her again.
Somehow she managed to build up the courage to open the door and walk inside the room. Cheryl looked up when she heard the door opening, her eyes already starting to go red from her tears.
“please, just leave me alone” the younger girl sobbed, using the back of her hand to wipe away her tears.
“do you still wish you never met me?” Kimberley asked as she stood looking at Cheryl on the bed. She disregarded Cheryl’s plea to be alone, knowing that if she left now, she wouldn’t come back.
“Kimberley…” Cheryl said quietly, closing her eyes at the sound of the words. It hurt her to hear Kimberley saying them even more than it hurt her hearing herself saying them.
“do you still hate me?” Kimberley went on, this time her voice had raised and she was trying her hardest to control it so that she didn’t start shouting.
“Kimberley…” Cheryl repeated, although this time it was more of a plea. A plea to stop because it was just to painful for her to hear.
“does it hurt Cheryl?” Kimberley asked with a sad smile, her voice calm but Cheryl could detect the anger in it. “Does it hurt?” she asked again, louder this time, loud enough to make Cheryl withdraw in shock.
“please don’t be like this Kimberley” Cheryl replied, letting a few tears roll down her cheek.
-
“its been a year Cheryl. A year…you might not remember everything you said that night, but I do. And for the past year, they were the only words I ever heard. And now hear you are…” she started, but had to stop to wipe away a few of her own tears. Cheryl opened her mouth to respond but Kimberley shook her head.
“and hear you are. I’m giving you the chance to fill my head with something else…anything else, and all you can say is ‘leave me alone’” Kimberley cried.
She didn’t want to cry, she didn’t want to show the younger girl just how weak and pathetic she felt. She didn’t want Cheryl to know that her every waking thought was of her, of that night before she left. But try as she might, she couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
Cheryl reached her hand out to the girl but let it drop by her side. All she wanted to do was comfort her, stop her from feeling all this pain, but in truth, she knew she was the one that caused it all.
And she could never forgive herself for that.
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