Chapter Eleven
“but is it sexy enough?” Kimberley carried on, oblivious to the fact that her friend hadn’t took her eyes off her for the past 5 minutes. She turned around again in the backless dress, pushing her behind out to accentuate it as she checked herself out in the mirror.
Cheryl averted her eyes in time for Kimberley to turn back round to face her. It was the fourth dress that Cheryl had seen her in, in the space of the last half hour, and as much as she enjoyed spending time like this with the girl, her patience was starting to wear a bit thin.
It wasn’t her she was trying to impress after all…
“maybe I should try the green one?” Kimberley muttered, riffling through her wardrobe.
Cheryl rolled her eyes to the ceiling before getting up from the bed. “wear the black one” she said simply before picking it up off the chair and handing it to Kimberley.
“do you think he will like it?” she asked, a smile instantly appearing on her face at the thought of seeing him. Cheryl bit back her desire to scream before nodding eagerly, maybe even a little to eagerly for the occasion.
“I think he will love it” Cheryl smiled, a hint of sadness beginning to form in her eyes. Of course that was the thing she feared, she didn’t want him to love it, she wanted him to go away, back wherever he came from and leave her and Kimberley to get on with their lives the way it was going.
But here she was instead, telling her friend which dress she looked the best in, practically offering her to him on a plate.
“I really like him you know” Kimberley went on, letting the dress she had on fall to her shoulders.
Cheryl found herself staring at the bare flesh of Kimberley’s shoulders where the dress had fallen, her mouth parting just the faintest bit as she took in the sight before her.
It was only when Kimberley said her name that she looked up and caught the girls eye, blushing instantly.
“sorry…what?” Cheryl asked with a frown, trying to gather her thoughts.
“I like Justin” the older girl replied, her face registering a hint of confusion at why Cheryl appeared to be so distant all of a sudden.
“I know” Cheryl nodded, although it was more of an admission. An admission to herself that Kimberley was actually happy, she was happy with somebody else, and there was nothing she could do about it. Of course, she would listen to the girl talk wistfully about how great he was, giggling in all the right places, she would even be there as a shoulder to cry on if he hurt her…but it wouldn’t go any further.
-
She resented him.
They both sat in the living room on opposite sides of the table in the comfortable chairs that Kimberley had helped Cheryl pick out. How long had it been since she smiled at him?
She tried her best to offer him a decent half smile although it didn’t extend to her eyes, which were firmly affixed on Kimberley who she could see in the kitchen from over his shoulder.
They had just had an argument, it was easy for Cheryl to tell, she could always tell. As soon as Kimberley walked in to her house that morning, she could tell they had had another row.
Over the last few months her whole life had virtually been turned upside down by the arrival of this man. Before him, she had hope. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to cling on to.
Before him, she was sure that Kimberley would see her soon enough, that it wouldn’t be much longer until they would both see what was right there under their noses.
But now, well now she didn’t even have the hope. Any chance that she might have had went up in smoke as soon as he stepped on the scene.
And it hurt.
She tried not to let it show, she made small talk with him, they even had a bit of a laugh together sometimes, but inside she was crying. Every smile that she seen grace the other girl’s lips was like a knife in her heart.
More than anything though, she had become somebody that she didn’t recognise any more.
How many nights could she cry in to her pillow wishing that it was Kimberley she had in the tight embrace?
How much longer could she be nice to Justin when he didn’t even know how lucky he was?
How much longer could she pretend to be Kimberley’s best friend, holding her hand, giving her hugs, touching her leg, whilst pretending that she got nothing from it?
How much longer would it be until she snapped?
-
The wind rattled the wooden frames of the windows as Kimberley sat herself on the floor, a few feet away from Cheryl’s log fire that had been burning and crackling away all day, and well in to the night.
Cheryl came in with two hot mugs of chocolate and put them on the table before sitting on the couch.
When Justin had asked her for a lift to the train station so that he could go home for a fortnight, she had almost bitten his hand off. For the first time in what seemed like a lifetime she decided that she would block him out of her head for the next two weeks and concentrate on the friend that she had a feeling she had been neglecting.
“come and sit next to me” Kimberley smiled, patting the carpet next to her to indicate to Cheryl that she wanted her to sit there.
Cheryl swallowed hard before moving off the sofa and sitting on the floor with her back resting against it.
Kimberley smiled before letting her head fall to rest on Cheryl’s shoulder. Cheryl moved her arm to put it around Kimberley’s shoulder, and they sat like that, in silence, watching the fire for what seemed like an eternity.
Cheryl felt a tear escape from her eyes and roll down her face.
It would never be any more than this. She would probably never even know just how deep Cheryl’s feelings for her were.
It was like carrying around a constant pain, a niggling in her stomach every time she woke up, always there, always reminding her that not only would Kimberley never be hers, but she would have to watch her fall in love with him.
There was nothing she could do about it.
The girl that she was holding so closely in her arms was slipping further and further away from her, and all she could do was let her go in the hope that she might come back and see what it was she was missing.
