Chapter Fifteen
Cheryl had that funny light headed feeling as she seemed to bounce along the corridor to her hotel room. Nicola had supposedly been there to offer her a helping hand to her room, although in reality Cheryl thought it was perhaps her who was supervising Nicola.
It was the last martini that had pushed her over the edge. She knew as soon as she drank it that, that would be the one that caused the hangover the next morning, yet it had been so long since she had spent any quality time with Nicola that she felt as though she owed the girl at least a memorable night.
Or perhaps not, Cheryl thought to herself as she listened to the younger girl make her way down the long corridor. She couldn’t have been louder if she had a brass band following her, every door seemed to be a target as she bounced from one side to the next.
“there’s no way I can get you to your room” Cheryl sighed to Nicola, who was finding the situation hilarious.
She opened the door with a bit of a struggle and stumbled inside with Nicola. “You can have the bed, I’ll sleep on the sofa” She said, rolling her eyes as she shut the door behind her.
-
If it wasn’t for the fact that she dropped her key card on the floor, her drunken eyes might not have settled upon the small envelope that sat just inches from the gap in the door.
She frowned as she picked it up and locked the door.
“what’s that?” Nicola asked, pointing to the envelope as she pulled the duvet down and got in to Cheryl’s bed.
“I’m not sure” Cheryl replied with a shrug, putting the letter on the side whilst she got a spare blanket and pillow out of one of the cupboards. She made herself comfortable on the couch and turned a lamp on, and the room light out.
“Night Cheryl” Nicola mumbled and turned over in the bed, pulling the covers in to her to block out the light from the lamp.
-
She waited for what seemed like an age, the letter taunting her from the table next to her. She knew the handwriting as soon as she picked it up from the floor, but something kept her from opening it in front of Nicola.
Although it had been hard, she had never really told the girls what happened that broke their friendship, although she did tell them that they had had an argument. She sensed that whatever it was that Kimberley wanted to say, she probably shouldn’t read in front of Nicola, or at least not whilst the girl was awake anyway.
“Nicola…” she whispered, to see if the girl was asleep or not. A feint murmur from under the duvet told Cheryl that she probably wouldn’t be awake again until her alarm went off in a few hours.
She took a deep breath in to compose herself before picking the letter up. For a while she just stared at the envelope, wondering what its contents held.
It was obviously something that Kimberley didn’t feel comfortable saying to Cheryl face to face. Even though they had somehow managed to salvage a tiny thread of their friendship, it was little things like the letter in her hand that proved to Cheryl just how distant they still were.
She held the envelope tightly in her hands before running her fingernail across the edge to break the seal. She pulled out a folded piece of paper with Kimberley’s distinctive writing on it.
It was now or never… a small part of her didn’t think she wanted to know what was in it, it had to be something bad otherwise surely Kimberley would have told her in person. But the bigger part of her needed to know, no matter what it said, she needed to know because, even though she was loath to admit it, she still hung on Kimberley’s every word.
Even in the corridor earlier in the night, all she really wanted to do was cancel her dinner plans and go with Kimberley to wherever it was that she was going. Her stomach tightened a little as she unfolded the paper and smoothed it out.
“Cheryl…
I’ve tried to write this letter a thousand times now, and every time I do, words seem to fail me.
What is it that I want to say to you?
For a long time I didn’t know the answer, sometimes I would sit down and think about you, and deep down, somewhere in my heart where I’ve always kept you, no matter what went on, I realised that there was something I needed to tell you.
And then one night, long after I left, it just sort of came to me. At first it shocked me, but then everything sort of started to make sense somehow.
You probably don’t remember the day that I fell in love with you, and to be truthful it happened so quickly that even I didn’t notice it. It was only when I lost you that I realised just how much I missed you.
All the strange feelings and unexplainable emotions all seemed to fit in to place and it was as though I was seeing things clearly for the first time in a long time.
And then I started to think about all the things you said to me that night…I realise now why you said those things, but at the time I really did think that you hated me, and that was why I didn’t come back.
It hurt even more when I realised that the pain that I felt every night in my stomach wasn’t stomach ache at all, it was because I missed you, and I thought you hated me.
I know I should have told you when you told me, it was the perfect opportunity, the perfect moment, but I didn’t take it. Maybe it was because I couldn’t quite believe what you were saying, I don’t know. But whatever it was, I should have told you face to face, and for that I am sorry.
Where do we go from here Cheryl? I suppose that’s something we both need to talk about isn’t it, or maybe I’m being presumptuous and I’ve missed my chance. I wouldn’t blame you at all if that is the case, I know there are thousands of people probably lining up to date you.
I wish this whole year hadn’t happened, I wish I’d never met Justin and I wish that I had realised sooner what I know now. I think it would probably have saved a lot of heartache wouldn’t it?
I never meant to break your heart Cheryl, just like I know you never meant to break mine.
Whatever you decide to do Cheryl, its your decision. If you have moved on, that really is okay, and maybe that way I can move on too.
But if not, if there’s a doubt inside you, if you still want me…
I’m yours.
xxx
