Adopted By Michael Clifford {Book 1}

26- Goodbyes and Confessions

Maya's POV 

No one came in the room with me to say goodbye to Nick. It was something I had to do on my own.

His pale body lied still on the hospital bed. I placed my hand on his cheek. His eyes that were so full of life just two weeks ago were shut. They would stay that way forever.

"I'm so sorry, Nick. You shouldn't have ended up like this. You had your whole life ahead of you. I'm going to miss you so much," I said, tracing my finger down the side of his face.

I pounded my fist on his chest and let out a loud sob. I laid my head on his chest, praying for a heartbeat that wasn't there.

"This is all my fault! I know it is. It hurts so fucking much!" I cried. "I can't do this without you, Nicky. I can't. I hate myself for letting this happen. I love you so much, Nicholas. I don't think I'll ever stop. It kills me to say this, but I have to. Goodbye, Nicky."

I left the room quickly before I could say anything else. The guys stood up as I walked out. I walked over to them and wrapped my arms around Dad's waist.

Nick's parents burst into the hospital. His mom scowled when she saw me.

"You! This is all your fault! You caused this!" She yelled at me.

"Don't talk to my daughter like that!" Dad yelled, pulling me closer to him.

"It's true. She's the reason my son is dead," she yelled at him and pointed at me. "You! You did this to him. You did this to us. You killed him!"

"Why does it matter to you? You never loved him. You always chose Lindsay and Josh over him! He told me how you treated him! You're only acting like you care because he's dead. You never loved him. I was the one he went to. You know why? It was because he loved me and I loved him. Stop trying to make other people feel bad because you realized you're a horrible mother!" I yelled and stormed off.

Michael's POV

"You need to learn to control her. I don't know why Nicholas stuck with her. She's more trouble than she's worth," Nick's dad said.

"Never say that. Nick chose her because she loved him more than you ever did. You need to learn to be better parents," I yelled and followed Maya.

She was leaning against the car with tears in her eyes. We got in the car and she sat with her legs in my lap. Her fists gripped my shirt.

"She's right. It's my fault," she whispered.

"Maya, this isn't your fault. Nick wanted to be there to rescue you. It was his choice. Don't blame yourself," I said.

"What's today's date?" Maya asked.

"January 22nd. Why?" 

"Yesterday was our one year anniversary. He died before we could celebrate," she said and started to cry.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Don't think about that, okay? Think about something else," I said.

"I missed you so much, Dad. I thought I was going to die down there."

"I would never let that happen. All that matters now is you're safe," I said and wiped away her tears.

"I love you, Daddy. I love all of you."

"We love you too," we all said.

Maya's POV

Dad and I were cuddling in his room. He played with my hair as I lied down with my head on his chest.

"Maya, at the hospital, did you mean what you said? Did you really love Nick?" Dad asked me.

"Yeah, I did. I still do. He was my first love," I said.

"Promise me you won't let this affect you more than it should," he said. "Promise me you'll be okay."

"I promise. I'll try, but it's going to take a while," I said.

"I know, baby girl." We were silent for a while. "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but school started not too long ago."

"Please don't make me go, Dad. Not right now," I said.

"I'm not, Maya. Take all the time you need, but you know that you can't wait forever," he said.

Luke walked in and asked, "Can I talk to Maya for a second?"

Dad nodded and left the room. Luke sat down next to me.

"I know this is a lot to take in and I just want you to know that I understand what you're going through. You can always come talk to me," he said.

"You don't understand what I'm going through. No one does," I mumbled into the pillow.

"I do," he said. 

"Do you know what it's like to watch your first love die right in front of you? Do you know what it feels like to think that it's all your fault?" I snapped.

"Yes."

I sat up straight and asked, "How?"

Luke's POV

"Her name was Alyssa. We were about sixteen. It was our one year anniversary and she was running late for dinner. I was waiting in front of the restaurant and I saw her across the street. But she didn't see the car," I said and choked up. "I tried to warn her, but it was too late. The car hit her and didn't look back. I called for help, but by the time they arrived, she was gone. My first love died in my arms."

"Luke, I'm so sorry."

I wiped a few stray tears and said, "It was my fault. If I had just picked her up like I was going to then she'd still be alive. I didn't save her in time."

"Luke, it wasn't your fault. It was the driver's fault. Don't blame yourself," she said.

"Can you stop blaming yourself for Nick's death?"

"I think I have to forgive myself first."