Last Words and New Beginnings

Attention

I think the world is out to get me. I've been feeling really alone lately. Sam keeps trying to ignore me which makes matters worse because he's the only one I wanna talk to. I think he still feels guilty about the whole kiss thing... But I know it's horrible to say... But I liked it. troy's always in the back of my mind, everything I see, do or think reminds me of him. Especially being with Sam. He reminds me of being with Troy, maybe that's why I've been craving his attention so much. I wanna be with Sam... I guess that's a valid statement now. I really wish I could control my feelings but honestly, I'm a hot mess. I fell for the love of my life, and lost him. I was heartbroken because I fell to hard. Now I'm falling for another amazing guy... And I'm scared he doesn't feel the same... And it hurts. I don't think I can handle being hurt anymore. I mean, of course Sam doesn't like me... He's ignoring me. I really miss my Troy. He'd know just what to say too right now. He'd comfort me, lay with me, kiss me, joke with me, make me laugh, smile with me, and most importantly, he'd listen to my feelings and support me through them... Right or wrong. But he most definitely wouldn't ignore me. I guess that's the difference between Sam and Troy. They deal with their feelings differently. I think I've been telling myself that Sam is exactly like Troy, so when he does something that Troy wouldn't, I feel like he hates me. I really need to break that mindset. Sam is his own person, not some puppet I can control. I don't understand why I keep thinking this. I just need to talk with him about things... Maybe he'd understand.

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I walk down the stairs into the living room, still in my pjs and my hair up. I grab my cell phone and pull up Sam's contact. As I push the 'call' button I run over everything that I'm about I say. It rings 3 times and then goes to voice mail.

"Ello, This is Sam, I'm not able to get to my phone right now so leave a message and i get back to you"

I sigh and wait for the beep

"Hi Sam, it's Audrey. I know there's been a lot of things going on lately... But I wanna talk to you about it. So call me back please. Ok, well. Talk to you soon."

I hang up and fall into the pillow on the couch.

Sam answer. I think.

I just wanna talk.