Sarah sat up on her bed, turning her back on Gerald. Damn, damn, damn! I did
it all over again. Sarah said to herself. She put on a robe which was placed on
a chair beside her desk lamp. She still couldn't believe she just had sex with
this excuse of a man and really felt good. Sarah felt Gerald move. She was
still facing away from him. After awhile, she knew Gerald was fully awake.
"Sarah?" Gerald simply said.
"I think you better find yourself a place to stay... the sooner, the better."
"What?"
"You heard me...Have yourself booked tomorrow at a hotel."
"Why?" Gerald asked confused.
"Because everytime you come near me..." Sarah paused.
"What, Sarah? Everytime I come near you..what happens Sarah?"
"Just leave me. Tonight was a mistake... Again! It should never have
happened."
"Dammit, I couldn't believe you! After what had happened, this is all you're
gonna do. You want me to leave?"
"Yes! You heard me, just don't come near me again."
"That's not gonna happen Sarah. For all this time, I betrayed myself for
leaving you. I was an asshole. I was thinking of fame and my reputation. This
time I don't care anymore. I want you and our daughter, Sarah. You still are
the best thing that happened to me."
"What you did to me was unforgivable Gerald. It hurt me a lot and still I don't
know why I let last night happen. I have played in my mind over and over
again in agony everything that happened to us years ago and what I could
have done to prevent myself from you yet here we are... again, doing the same
shit I let myself suffer from you. I'm sorry but everytime you come near me, I
lose control. I can't be that person, I'm engaged to Angelo and he's good for
me. I'm gonna marry him."
"Tell me one thing Sarah." Gerald stood up and angrily put on his clothes. "Do
you love him? Does he make you feel the way we are doing when we make
love?"
"Sex is not important to us Gerald. Yes, I admit Angelo has never been
demanding even when I don't give him fulfillment when we make love. It
doesn't matter to him. The important thing is, we trust and respect each other.
We're comfortable with each other."
Gerald shrugged. "You know what happens to comfortable after some years
Sarah? It turns to dull." Gerald finally said. He hang his jacket on his right arm
and posed near the door. "There is one thing I say to you Sarah, all my life I
have loved no one but myself. When I found out about Ria, I thought I couldn't
handle it but when I saw you and our daughter, I felt good and proud even if
what I did to you was wrong. I felt you and Ria are my biggest achievement,
a part of me, despite all of the fame and success. It was then I realize you are
the one I should be with and Ria. I had never been so sure in my life." Gerald
said searching her eyes.
"In that case Gerald, you are mistaken. I'm not your achievement or Ria. You
only want to feel good that's why you want us. But the truth is, you are self-
centered and still an asshole. Do you think I'll ever believe you again? I'm not
that stupid Gerald. We may have great sex but I could never trust you again."
"In that case I'll prove it to you. I'll start from scratch. For all it's worth, I
couldn't let you go again. I'll have you and you'll have me. Mark my words
Sarah." He said and opened the door and gently closed it. He packed his bags
and hailed a cab at the front lobby of the building. He called his people to
look for a hotel. Few people recognized him since it was too early. He finally
got a room at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel. He slept the whole day and later on
decided his plan to pursue Sarah.
Meanwhile Sarah didn't resume sleeping after Gerald left. She could still smell
him. It was enough to make her feel the same way she had always felt when
she was with him. Even after all these years, its the same longing and
yearning and unadulterated lovemaking. She decided to take a cold shower to
take off the heat before she is tempted to bolt through the doors and go after
Gerald. She couldn't think when Gerald is with her. All that matters is how it
felt. She may never learn to trust Gerald again but that doesn't mean they
can't enjoy themselves. Sarah shook her head. How could she even think
about having sex with Gerald again. She still hasn't recovered from their wild
tryst last night. Sarah said to herself. As much as possible, she has to stay
away from Gerald or things might be headed for the worst. Sarah opened the
water faucet to fill the tub with warm water. She removed her robe and saw
her nipples erect and still numb after Gerald probed on it a lot of times. She
recalled it again...Gerald has drugged her and she was allowing it to happen
once more. Sarah dipped herself in the tub and relaxed.
She went to work to distract her from impure thoughts but later when she went
home to rest in her bedroom, her fantasies of Gerald began... Sarah did
numerous flights to the bathroom to take a cold shower but it did no good.
Instead she prepared some cookies for Ria and help with the household
chores. She even played with a book puzzle to distract her from thoughts of
Gerald. Maybe she's starting to go crazy. She called her psychiatrist and
asked what was the matter with her. The doctor didn't schedule her for an
appointment, saying it will only be a waste of her time. He only told Sarah the
fact.
"You're in love Sarah. Don't deny yourself because it will only make matters
worse. Deal with it and you'll know the answer." Sarah went still and
contemplated for a moment. She said goodbye to the doctor. She took his
advise seriously. Maybe it is now better to take risk. She's older and now
wiser and she has been unhappy. Maybe this time it will be different but first
she's going make him pay before truly reconciling with him. Sarah was smiling
before leaving the doctor's office.
