Torn

Chapter Thirty-Seven

*

I sighed and closed my eyes.

"I never said that" I protested weakly. I couldn't even remember if I had said it but I was sticking to denial.

It was perfectly fine to have trust issues.

It was another thing altogether to air out those trust issues with the person you have them with.

"You said it" he said bluntly, leaving no room for doubt, "Those words were on repeat in my head the whole damn night".

I sat down, no longer horny and wanting him. Now I could barely meet his eyes.

"It's true. I don't fully trust you" I said, owning up to it.

Communication is supposed to help, right?

"Damn it Lottie. Why didn't it occur to you to talk about this earlier?" Mason ran a hand through his hair, thoroughly frustrated.

I just snapped though. None of this was my fault. None of it.

"Because I didn't want to ruin something that was still so fragile and new? Mason, for goddess' sake, you haven't exactly been a saint all these years. How can you expect me to trust you when I know exactly how unable you are to keep a relationship? When you've dumped me before, manipulating me when I was most vulnerable? You're lucky that I still want you even after your pigging around!" the filthy truth tumbled out of my mouth with hardly a thought.

I hadn't meant to do it. I hadn't meant for Mason's gorgeous emerald eyes to water. But it was out there now.

"Lottie, all those times before, I was just... I'm sorry, I just couldn't... I didn't know-" he tried to explain it to me but the truth was that I just didn't want to hear it.

"Stop. I don't care anymore. That shit needs to stay in the past" I cut him off sharply.

"It obviously isn't staying in the past, Charlotte" he said in a miserable whisper.

I jumped a little at hearing my full name leave his mouth. He rarely used it.

"Well, nothing you say is going to make it better either. Let me try to deal with this in peace" I told him.

I knew that already. It was my problem. The past was in the past and I wouldn't let it rest.

I couldn't. I knew that absolutely nothing would make it better. Nothing Mason said could change the past. All the disappointments, all the feelings of loneliness and betrayal, they were deeply imbedded in the past and were tainting my present.

I was finally with Mason. We were finally stable enough that I could actually see a lasting relationship with him.

I just couldn't let him off this leash. I couldn't stop questioning his every move.

And he needed to accept that because this was all his stupid fault.

If he had just waited for his mate instead of being with every girl on earth, I might have been able to forgive him. If he would've just given a relationship with us a real chance, I might have forgiven him. But he didn't. He wanted to be a man-whore and he was. He wasn't ready for commitment so he continued to play.

That was all fact.

He fidgeted with his shirt, knowing the truth to my words.

He couldn't say or do anything. It didn't matter. In fact, it would only make it worst.

Whatever feelings of love and devotion he had in the past, it obviously wasn't enough. And I knew it wouldn't be enough now. So knowing that even when he was in love, he couldn't resist other women... I wouldn't be able to handle it. I wasn't able to handle it.