Before Everyone Else (SebaCiel, Modern AU)

Evanescence

Hello everyone! I'm sorry for my long absence. School started and I've been kind of too stressed to write. But I'm back again!!! I'll try to update at least once a week. Honestly, this fanfic is probably going to end in a couple of chapters. I might do a sequel, depending on your guys' comments and if I feel that this hasn't ended exactly how I want. Anyways, thank you all again for reading this book!!!
-Lark

Ciel's POV
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Since I confessed my problems to Sebastian, he hasn't let me out of his sight since. Whenever I go to take a shower, he showers with me. Whenever I go to use the restroom, he waits outside of the door for me. We sleep together every night and are inseparable. Every day, he feeds me small amounts so I can eat without getting violently sick. Levi and Eren know only bits and pieces and they refuse to know more out of respect for my privacy. When Sebastian began to explain to them, Levi cut him off and said: "Ciel will tell us when he's ready."

Sebastian and I's relationship has grown stronger since my breakdown though. He's very patient with my mood swings and only gives me gentle caresses when I break down into tears. My heart and mind aches to be better for him, but I'm physically unable to. No matter what I do, something keeps pulling me back into the darkness that is my past. I do have my good days; everyone does. However, that's not often the case. Some nights, I'll wake up in a panic attack and Sebastian will hold me until I fall asleep again. Violent nightmares haunt my dreams; causing sleep to be my worst enemy. My psyche is fragile enough as it is, I don't know how much more I can take.

Cuddling seems to be a very easy and effective way for me to stay calm. Sebastian doesn't mind since it means we can be affectionate with each other. Watching movies is usually our go-to option. At the moment, we're watching Guardians of the Galaxy. Sitting on the couch, I'm in between Sebastian's legs with my back pressed against his chest and his arms locked around my waist. I look at our position and I smile to myself.

"Lover?" Sebastian calls me out of my thoughts. I turn my head to look at him in acknowledgement. "What are you thinking about?"

"Just us," I respond quietly, kissing his cheek. Crimson eyes bore into cerulean blue before turning back to the movie. I snuggle my body up to his for warmth. The ugly thoughts that swirl in my head seem to calm when I'm like this with Sebastian. Closing my eyes slowly, I drift into unconscious.

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Ciel, Ciel, why did you kill us?

Why did you hurt us, Ciel? We only wanted to love you.

We never hurt you.

Why couldn't you marry me?

You burned us. We could've been family.

Too many voices. I can't.

Stop it!!!

I scream out. Hands start grasping at me, pulling me down under. My bones are being broken, ribs are getting crushed, kneecaps are shifted. I scream out. Hands move to cover my mouth and claw at my face. Several gashes run along my body. Blood pours out of my wounds. I kick and scream, screaming Sebastian's name. The hands clawing at my face stop, and allow me to see momentarily. In front of me stands Sebastian, smirking evilly.

Sebastian? Sebastian!

My lover continues to watch me suffer. Tears pour out of my eyes as my lover smirks at me. Screams echo all around. Sebastian begins to walk towards me and I jerk my arm out to grab onto him. Sebastian shakes his head slightly before placing his finger on my lips. I lower my arm in confusion.

Sebastian?

He smiles at me, and puts his lips next to my ear.

I've never loved you.

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"Ciel! Ciel, wake up!" Yelling wakes me up. Something's holding me back. I lash out, kicking and fighting against whoever it is. "Ciel, for god's sake, calm down! It's me, it's Sebastian!"

"No! Let me go," I've got to keep my eyes closed. It's just my dream. He'll hurt me.

"Just open your eyes," The voice becomes more soothing. Soft hands rub against my cheek.

"No, no, no, this isn't real," My hands meekly push him away. Arms wrap around my waist and pull me towards him. Soothing hums vibrate from his chest and calm my senses. Hands pet my hair soothingly.

"Ciel, please just open your eyes," Hands are placed on my face, thumbs rubbing soothingly against my cheeks. I hesitantly open my eyes and see my lover's smiling face. "See? I knew you could do it."

"Sebastian," I sob out. "Sebastian, please don't ever leave me. I'm so sorry. I love you."

"Sh, I'll never ever leave you," He scoops me up in his arms and presses soft kisses along my temple.

"I love you," Tears stream down my face as I wrap my arms tightly around him. "I'll never let you go."