Before Everyone Else (SebaCiel, Modern AU)

Savior

Ciel's POV
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I've been regularly seeing a therapist now. Someone who is familiar with demons and whatnot. Someone who understands my "condition". Formally, I have been diagnosed with depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Informally, we are working together to sort through my memories. Sebastian comes with me to every appointment and sits in the room with me. I feel more at ease with Sebastian there.

I remember the one time the therapist, Dr. Percell, asked Sebastian to wait outside the room. It was my first appointment with her and I was trembling. She had assumed it was because I was nervous of Sebastian being there. That, however, was not the case. Sebastian knows my history. He knows what pain I went through because he was there with me when it occurred. I was scared because I didn't want to be alone without him. Sebastian was furious. Not with me, the doctor. But the doctor misinterpreted and thought he was abusive. She believed he was angry because he couldn't control what I would say. The entire appointment, I clammed up. Dr. Percell couldn't get me to speak a word. As soon as I got out of the appointment, I rushed to Sebastian's side and instantly calmed down. Sebastian sent a pointed glare to the doctor before explaining how he was my rock. No matter what happened, he was there for me. Again, Dr. Percell misinterpreted our relationship as abusive and agreed to meet with me the next week but I refused. Sebastian's face when I told her I would not see her again unless Sebastian was there was absolutely breathtaking. A hint of a blush had crept up on his cheeks and he was smiling slightly. I smiled back at him. Dr. Percell watched on in shock.

Over the next few appointments, she began to understand. She let Sebastian in the room at the next appointment and was surprised at the amount of how much I talked when he was there to support me. It became obvious that he would be pivotal in my road to becoming healthy. As if he wasn't already.

Currently, I'm on antidepressants and I go through exercises to help control my PTSD. Sebastian and I have just finished one of them. As they leave both of us so drained, we typically don't do anything afterwards. Him and I are lounging around in our pjs, watching old Doctor Who and snuggling. The special effects make me cringe at how out-dated it is but it seems to have Sebastian enamored. I giggle to myself at how cute he can be. Sebastian sends me a pointed look before placing a chaste kiss on my temple. His attention is once again drawn to the t.v. and I follow suit. My body relaxes into Sebastian's, my back pushing on his chest and his legs providing a barrier from the outside world for me. This is why I love him.

My eyes gravitate towards Sebastian. This demon waited for me for decades. I died and he had to wait for me to be born again; if I was even to be born again. If I hadn't been born in this era, he would have waited decades, centuries, millennia until I was born. When I finally do come to him, I don't remember our time together initially, and I have so many mental illnesses. This ma-demon, my demon, waited. He's still waiting. Sebastian has never stopped loving me.

Soft lips press against my cheek while arms gently squeeze my waist. My head floats up, making eye-contact with my beloved. I smile sweetly before placing a gentle kiss on his lips. A hand frees itself and caresses my cheek, brushing the hair out of my face before finally knotting itself in it. "Did you know I love you?" Sebastian presses his forehead against me, our noses touching

"Yes, I do," One of my hands goes up to rest on Sebastian's cheek, rubbing my thumb along his cheekbone. "Did you know I love you?" Like a cat, Sebastian nudges my hand with his nose and breathes in the scent, placing gentle kisses on my palm.

"Yes I did," He breathes out. Our embrace becomes tighter and more intimate. Lips meet again in a soft touch and breaths are mingled together. "It's still nice to hear it, though. It was lonely without you." Sebastian buries his face in my shoulder as my body moves for me to straddle him.

"I've missed you too," I whisper, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck. "I know I'm not okay mentally and emotionally, and I'm so sorry for that, but I'm glad to be with you now. I'll never leave you."

"Don't ever leave again," The gentle squeezing adds more pressure and I feel warm liquid on my shoulder. "You're my only one. Please don't ever go."

"Shh, I'm here," I place kisses on his head and ears. Anywhere I can reach, I kiss. "I won't ever leave you."

"I was so worried that you would leave me in this life." My blood run colds. He was hurting so much but he was trying to be brave for me. I wrap my arms around his neck protectively.

"I'm not going anywhere." I say confidently. Yes, I am depressed and sometimes I want to die, but I will never leave him to suffer alone again. The sobs escaping Sebastian become more pronounced and I hold him tighter in my embrace, whispering soothing words to help qualm the storm.

Sebastian keeps repeating how I'm his only love, and I know that. That's the only thing that keeps me going. Knowing that without me, he was a mess and antisocial and rude. Without me, he is in pain constantly and can't be helped. Without me, everyday becomes harder for him to live through. Without me, he is nothing.

And that is why I'm living.