My Right Hand 2

August

"So how does that make you feel?" "Confused mostly." I've been in therapy for the last week in a half and it's going. "So your mother and brother died, what did that do to you?" "It made me feel empty like I didn't have anyone." "Until Ms. Jones took you in." "Exactly. I was still feeling all kinds of crazy because I lost my mama and my best friend." "Do you feel like you gained a friend when you started living with Ms. Jones?"

"No not really well not at first. Originally I couldn't stand Aleah. She made me sick to my stomach. She felt the same way about me so it was whatever then. As time went on we began to hang and become close. Then is when I can say I gained a friend." "Earlier you said you became very protective over her.. why?" "I couldn't lose another person who I love and became so close too."

"Alright let's fast forward... How did it make you feel when she took the fall for the drugs and death of KC?" "I was hurt. I felt like she was being unfair to herself." "So why did she say she did it?" "Because she loved me and I had two children on the way at the time." "So would you say that the ultimate sign of loyalty?" "Hell yeah I would. She did ten years for me. T E N." "I know how to spell Mr. Alsina. Would you have done the same for her?"

I lean back in the chair. "I would." "Why?" "Because I would rather it be me than her. She had dreams of doing big things back then." "Okay... So because she took the wrap for you do you feel like you owe her?" "Ummm.... I do."

"Why do you think you like you owe her anything?" "Because when you look at it from her view it's pretty fucked up." "But you didn't tell her to go prison for you." "I know I didn't but I feel like she's proven her loyalty to me and in return I fucked her over." "How did it make you feel when you saw her and then went home to your wife?" "I felt bad because Aleah was thinking things were still the same between us." "And they weren't?" "Yeah they were it was just I was, well am, married to Mackenzie."

"How did you view your wife after that night you saw Aleah?" "Truthfully I was beginning to rethink some things." "Like what?" "The entire marriage." "Oh... You said you and Aleah slept together, how was it?" I smile, "It was amazing." "Has sex changed with your wife?" "To a certain degree yes." "How?" "Mackenzie was giving me head and I was daydreaming about Aleah and that's what made me well you know." I say shifting in my seat.

"Do you love Aleah?" "I do." "Can you see yourself marrying her?" "Yeah." "How would feel if she marries the guy she's currently dating?" "She would never do that." "Just like she thought you would never do it." "It's different with Aleah. She doesn't operate like that." "She didn't back then. You don't really know the Aleah now." "What you think I should doc?" "Just try being her friend and relearn who she is."

"What do I do if she doesn't agree to that?" "There's is nothing you can do but leave her be at that point." "But I want her in my life." "You may want her in your life but she has to want to too." "So how do I make things right?" "August you have to stop feeling like its up to you to make things right." "I need to do something." "Just let things be as they are that's all you need to do.... Before our next session I want you to make lost of why you married Mackenzie."

"Are we done talking about Aleah?" "Yes. Do you have more to say?" "Yeah I do." "Well we will try to squeeze it in at a later date." "Okay." I leave out the office and head down to my room. "You have a phone call Mr. Alsina and we aren't allowed to do this but only five minutes please." "Alright."

"Hey daddy." "Hey baby girl. How are you?" "I'm okay. When are you coming home?" "I'll be home soon. How was school?" "It was alright. Can you bring me something back?" "I'll try Amina." "Can you tell mama to take me to get chocolate ice cream?"

I laugh and shake my head. This little girl is something else. "We can go get some when I get back." "Okay. I tried calling your cellphone but you didn't answer. Mama told me to call this number and ask for August Alsina. Who is that?" "Mina that's my full name." "Oh." We both laugh. "Baby daddy has to go I'll call you tomorrow sometime." "Alright daddy I love you." "I love you too baby. Tell Liq and Maya I said I love them too." "I will bye daddy." "Bye."

I walk into my room. This place is 10,000 miles away from home, my club, my life, and my problems. They don't allow you have your phones or any other way to contact the outside world. They close you off completely from everything the possibly distract you.  I miss my daughters like crazy, Mackenzie too. I miss mama and Aleah. I wonder what she's doing right now.

I lay in the bed and stare up at the ceiling. Life has a crazy way of sitting you down and making you think about shit. So far so good with this therapy. At first I thought the whole thing was crazy. Like nigga I could look in the mirror and ask myself what I think about something. I kind of see how it's helping, talking it it makes you deal with it rather than brushing it off to the side. We'll see how much good it actually does and maybe once I leave out of here I'll be a new man.