I'm So Sorry

Chapter Eight

Jessie

I stand on the other side of the door, leaving it open just slightly. I hear Shannon's cries emanating from inside and just feel my heart break. Poor Shannon.

I want to go back inside and comfort her, but the only thing that's stopping me is myself; my inner demons are holding me back. I don't know how to help her. Hell, I don't even know how to help myself.

I peek my head through the sliding glass door ever so slightly just to see if I can get a view of Shannon, to know she's alright.

She has her head in her hands, her face buried behind her wall of hair, and a knife sitting next to her. My eyes widen.

Is Shannon...is she going to try to kill herself? Is that what she's doing? She wouldn't do that with everyone over at her house, with her parents right upstairs where they could come down literally at any second. No, not Shannon. She may be strong for everyone now, but there's no way...

Shannon has never shown anyone weakness. Never once.

Well, that's not true. I've seen her cry once.

Movie night sophomore year. It's a tradition that we all get to chose a movie, so long as it's not a slasher/horror film since we all agreed we all hate them. Mason had gone the following movie night, showing everyone "The Bourne Legacy", so it was Shannon's turn. She put on "The Perks of Being a Wallflower", and what happened during the movie was normal for all of us during the chick flicks. Makayla bawled her eyes and the guys were mostly on their phones texting people, but still listening.

But Shannon I noticed, was acting differently than anyone else during the movie. She was watching kind of intensely. When I looked up towards the climax of the movie, before you find out how Charlie ends up in the hospital, I saw her crying. A lot.

I wanted to get her attention, ask her why she was crying. She was sitting by herself on her own chair too, so no one seemed to notice her shaking intensely as well.

I tried to talk to her after the movie, but she excused herself to go to the bathroom. I saw her trying to shield her puffy eyes from everyone. No one noticed.

Well, no one said anything.

So I kept my mouth shut.

Just like now.

Just like I always do.

But now she's losing it again. I've never seen her look so disheveled since that night. And for the first time in a week I stop feeling so sorry for myself. I look at my best friend and I see the hurt and pain she's suffering. And I want to help her.

I want to help her like she's always helped me.

Before I can do anything, my phone vibrates in my pocket - loudly - and I immediately pull away from the door before Shannon can see me. I run off the deck and walk towards the shed in the backyard. I breathe heavily, my adrenaline kicking in now. Damn, I knew I shouldn't leave vibrate on.

I pull my phone out of my pocket to check who needs me. It shouldn't be anyone, because no one has really talked to me in the last week really.

Mom
There was a call from the hospital. Since you're 18, they can't give us the message. They have test results.

What test results? What could they have a result for?

I stop breathing as I re-read the text. Results they can't tell my mom and Patrick. I'm eighteen. They can't tell them.

Oh my god. Oh my god. This can't be happening again, this cannot be happening.

I can't do this.