I'm So Sorry

Chapter Twelve

Makayla

 I've known Mason for as long as I can remember. He, Shannon, Olivia and I? We're the original four members of this group, since we were young. In first grade, we all had class together and somehow, all of us just...stuck. Olivia wasn't such a bitch back then, but some things haven't changed. Shannon's just always been one of those people that is a natural leader, and without realizing it we all made her our leader. She was just the kind of person that knew what to do, that knew where to go, that knew how to get out of a problem. She was always the one who organized everything with us--and it is still the same now.

Mason was the only guy in the group for a while. Ben moved to the school once his dad married Jessie's mom, but that was second grade he moved here. Jackson was always quiet and alone when we were in elementary school, and Randy is a year older than us. He didn't join the group until high school. But Mason didn't mind. Mason knew that we were his friends, and he's smart, he knew what he was doing. He never had issues in school or with having friends, or any of that stuff when we were young.

God, look how much has changed.

Now he only has us and Sandra. That's it.

I noticed when we were young that sometimes Mason would have a weird bruise on his arm or his leg, and he always told us that he'd been playing outside with his dog and would fall, or fell off his bike, or hit his arm.

But when I got to middle school I started to realize that he was lying to me. To all of us.

When Mason came to school or he's with us, he'd have marks on his body. I stopped asking him years ago what happened. I just know someone's been hurting him. I've never seen him fighting with anyone, not even Sandra. I'm actually the only person I've ever seen Mason not get along with. He's so busy trying to cover up his issues with jokes that no one seems to notice his pain. He's so busy trying to make sure we're all okay that his scars got buried.

Sometimes I wish I was able to hide my scars like Mason. Or anyone for that matter.

Sometimes I wish I could disappear.

Sometimes I wish I could breathe.

I remember the first time I realized that I had fallen for Mason. God, it hit me full on like walking into a brick wall.

There was a guy I was friends with when we were younger, a guy I don't even see anymore, Glenn Keat. Glenn was one of those people everyone wanted to be friends with. I had known him for years, he was in my classes all the time, and we became good friends one year, bonding over a shared hate of Mr. Snider, our sixth grade history teacher. I didn't have classes with the rest of the group at this time, and Glenn and I ended up sitting next to each other in that class. Glenn and I talked probably every single day for months, texted about the homework every night and he became what I thought was someone I could trust.

I started telling Glenn things about myself, things that I wasn't even sharing with the rest of the group. He was telling me stuff too, stuff about his family and his ex-girlfriend and everything. I told him that I would never do all of the horrible things everyone always did to him, I would be his friend, I would be there for him. That was all fine and good for months, all the way up after Thanksgiving break.

We got back from the break and Glenn started to pass me these notes in class, these letters telling me that he was into me, that he wanted to be my boyfriend, that he was into me. I wasn't sure what to think. Glenn was someone who could have any girl he smiled at, he could have a new girlfriend every day. Everyone loved him and treated him like royalty, even in the sixth grade. Every guy wanted to be his friend, and every girl wanted to date him. So why was he looking at me?