I'm So Sorry

Chapter Thirty-Two

Ben

The silence is actually deafening. The fire is the only thing that can actually be heard in this moment. If anyone were to speak it would be drowned out by the hell we're all enduring right now.

Jessie Gefferson...the sweet innocent girl...the one that I've called my sister since I was in elementary school was beat up, tied up and raped in an alleyway because I couldn't pick her up from Sandra's. I could have prevented this. I could have saved my sister.

Olivia

I can't believe I've been thinking this whole time about how she was acting weird...and holy shit this is what Jessie is dealing with? She is still sitting here? She's still able to walk and act like a normal person? Jesus Christ if I were her I would never show my face in public.

I wouldn't even know how to breathe anymore.

Mason

I should have suspected the abuse, seeing her face. Seeing the way she retracted from conversations and didn't speak to really any of us all week. The way she was quiet and the way she went from chipper Jessie to the Jessie that is gone. The life has been sucked out of her; I can finally see it now. Poor Jessie. It's no wonder she didn't want to tell any of us. I know how the abuse feels. But I'll never be able to know what she went through. Holy shit.

Sandra

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Makayla

Jessie...

Randy

I'm crying now. For Jessie, for Melody...for everything.

I can't help it, the tears are staining my face and I'm trying to wipe them away as quickly as I can so no one can see them.

It's all just fucked up. Just so fucked.

Shannon

She was keeping a secret like this. Because of us. Because she didn't want to tell us that this is the reason she skipped school all week, that she has bruises on her face and shivers every so often. She didn't want us to know that someone stole something from her that no one can ever get back for her, no matter how hard she tries. She's been hiding a crime from us, a crime that was committed onto her. Jessie was beaten, abused, violated, exposed, torn apart and thrown back together with no care whatsoever. And she didn't tell us because...because why? Why would she think we would never need to know about something like this?

Because she was afraid.

Jessie has been afraid to tell us, not just because it's out there, but because she thought we wouldn't be able to help her. We've all been so busy worrying about our own issues that none of us are looking up, looking at the people who need us more than we need to be so selfishly worrying about ourselves.

Why? Why did none of us prepare for this, why did no one think to maybe look up? Why Jessie of all people, why was she hurting?

"This shouldn't have happened," I whisper. "This shouldn't have ever happened."

"Yeah, well, I've been saying that the entire time, Shannon, but that hasn't changed," Jessie says, wiping away a tear on her face.

"No. No, I mean you keeping this a secret from us. The people who are supposed to be your friends, Jessie! Don't you understand? This is disgusting, the fact you had to go through this without anyone else, had to hide in the shadows to avoid dealing with this? It's horrible! It's revolting! I honestly can't believe we let this happen!"

"I kept this to myself because I needed time to process this," she whispers.

"I know that's not the reason, Jessie."

"I'm sorry," Mason says.

We turn to him. "Why are you sorry, Mason?" Jessie asks.

"I pushed you to answer the question, I pushed you to tell everyone what happened."

"Mason it's not your fault, you didn't do this."

"No! It's not right, Jessie! I know the signs of abuse, and I didn't say anything. I didn't even try to talk to you when I saw those bruises. When I saw the bite marks. Yeah, I saw them earlier tonight when I first saw you. I just didn't say anything, I'm sorry."

"Mason..." Sandra touches his arm. "Mason how do you know about...abusive signs?"

He looks at the rest of the circle. "My father has been abusing me since I was a child."

Makayla

His father...God his fucking father was the answer that I couldn't figure out. His father, the man that I hate, that I hear terrible, terrible things about! It's his father's fault! I should have known, I should have seen it, the signs.

"You...he's hit you?" Sandra asks.

Mason nods. "The rope...the rope brought up a memory I repressed. I don't know how old I was, but it had to be around middle school."

"Mason..." Jessie's voice is soft. "Mason why didn't you ever tell us about this? I mean I know...I have no room to say this but this, something so simple to solve, just getting him out of your house, getting you out of that house..."

"Because I was afraid, Jess," he says, covering his face with his hands. He lets out a long sigh and when he pulls his hands away, there are tears on his face. "I was afraid what would happen. Tonight...before I came here...he was screaming at me, he was telling me that I never care about anything but this group, I don't care about school enough or my own family, and we were arguing and then—" Mason stops.

"What happened?" Shannon speaks up, looking paler than before. It might be from the fire, but I don't think that's the case.

"I pushed him into the wall, and then I ran out of the house. God, I'm so afraid to go back there. I'm so afraid to find out what happened." He looks back up, looking around at the group. "I wasn't supposed to be here tonight. I wasn't supposed to come over. If I hadn't run as fast as I did out of that house..."

The silence returns to the group and I feel a lump forming in my throat. It's deep and causing air to get stuck as I sit here, waiting for him to continue. Mason Kase, the guy that has looked out for me my entire life, the guy I fell in love with all those years ago, and the guy that has always had a joke for every occasion, has a problem. Has this problem. How did I not see it? How was I so blind that I missed this? Makayla, you're an idiot! You're just stupid! We need to fix this; we need to fix this around the board. There's no way this is how we can keep up everything. I don't care if I leave here tonight and everything is completely different. Change needs to happen fast.

No, change needs to happen now.

"Jessie," I say quietly, forcing myself to pick up my head to look at her. "It's your turn." I feel my own tears trying to escape my eyes.

"What?" She whispers.

"Ask someone a question. We're playing 'Truth or Dare' after all. And the game isn't over yet."

"Makayla, what the hell are you talking about?" Shannon asks me, shaking her head slowly, biting her thumbnail.

"No, she's right," Randy tells her, putting his hand on his sister's chair. "This is what needs to happen. 'Truth or Dare'...but maybe we stop calling out 'Dare'. Keep playing, Jessie." Randy looks at the entire circle. "Keep playing, all of you."