I'm So Sorry

Chapter Thirteen

Sandra

I'm not sure what to think, I'm not sure what to say, I'm not even sure what to do. We're starting, this is really happening. Everyone is sitting in the circle now, no one saying anything to one another, almost no one looking at anyone else. It's this silence that fills the air extremely tight, and it's hard to breathe. The only thing making noise is the cracking of the fire, flames going everywhere. I stare across the circle at a spot on the ground, trying to think of stupid truth or dare questions, knowing that these questions won't matter. No one wants to tell the truth here.

That's what's been proven all night.

Mason wraps his arm around my shoulder and gently pulls me in closer, kissing the side of my head. "You alright?" He whispers faintly in my ear.

I nod ever so slightly. "Yeah," I whisper back. "Yeah, I'm okay."

He presses his nose onto me and then kisses me again. "Good luck."

"Good luck"? What the hell does he mean by that?

"Okay, rules." Shannon speaks finally. "Like every year, we play until ten-thirty. It's--" Shannon looks at her watch. "--Sixty thirty now. We can take breaks and roast the marshmallows for s'mores in between and obviously if someone has to use the bathroom, yeah, take care of that shit. But the game doesn't stop. There are no rules involving how vulgar the questions, but you have to answer them. Even if it's a simple 'I can't tell you'. You can't stay silent. Phone rules apply, asking for help applies, and repeats are allowed."

"How about relationship boundaries?" Mason asks.

"We've never had them before, why start now?" Olivia questions.

"Because I don't think I'm comfortable kissing one of you, or having my girlfriend do the same," he snaps.

"That's up to you. If you say you don't want to do it then you don't have to. But don't drag Sandra down with you," Makayla says.

Nice to know that they seem to think I'm comfortable kissing any of them. The only person my lips are going near is Mason's.

"Who's first?" Shannon asks. "Who went first last year?"

Randy raises his hand. "I went first last year, I was the newbie."

Shannon nods, clearing her throat. "Okay. In the spirit of newbies, Sandra, want to go first?"

Everyone turns to look at me and I feel my cheeks go pink. Fuck.

"Yeah, okay. Umm..." I look around at the circle again and I tell myself that it's okay, that I know these people, and that this is just a game. This is just a game.

It's just a game.

I decide to make it easy, to ask the person I've known the longest my question. I want to start the game out easily, I want to start it out without feeling like the life is going to be sucked out of me because of these people.

"Okay. Jessie? Truth or dare?"

Her head snaps up from staring at the ground. "Umm...truth."

She doesn't look the slightest bit happy about that.

I take a deep breath, thinking carefully before asking this question.

Jessie

"Have you ever had a boyfriend? One that no one knew about or everyone knew about?"

I feel the air escape my lungs at her question, and I try to pull it back so I can answer, so I can act normal. So no one notices. Out of the thousands upon thousands of questions she can ask me, she has to go in for the kill without even knowing it.