I'm So Sorry

Chapter Forty-One

Randy

This is the last smoke in the pack.

Everyone is gone now, left our house slowly and mostly quietly.

I should have told everyone about the cameras, about parts of secrets that I know that I didn't bother to tell anyone about. I don't need to. Those are secrets that shouldn't be shared. I should just get rid of the cameras honestly, I've been paranoid long enough at this point. It's time to let this stupid hobby die out.

I stare at the dying fire, which I should really put out now before it tries to find any way to cling to life, eating anything that gets caught in it's path to help it grow. But I don't want to move just yet. I don't want to.

Melody is sitting besides me in the chair that used to occupy my sister, and I look at the love of my life sitting there. She's so beautiful. Her thick curls brush against her face and her t-shirt is the same one she had on the night she died. It reads 'Someday we will foresee obstacles' on it. I gave her that shirt; it was something I had made for her with the lyrics from her favorite song.

I close my eyes, remembering the look on her perfect face when I handed it to her for her birthday. Her eyes had widened, her smile bright and her entire self elated. She was ecstatic seeing that shirt, seeing those lyrics on that shirt.

I open my eyes back up, looking at Melody again.

"I love you," I whisper to her, a tear somehow appearing down my cheek as I stare at her beauty. "I love you more than I've loved anyone in my entire life."

She smiles at me with a sad, sad smile. She stands up, walking towards me before crouching down to look me in the eyes. Melody's hand touches my cheek where the tear had fallen and I swear, I absolutely swear I can feel her hand. I close my eyes and lean my face towards her hand, taking a deep breath.

"You are so strong, Randy," she tells me. "I can't tell you how much I admire your strength. I love you, too."

I reach out to touch her hair, her face, or something of the sort when I remember that she isn't real. As much as I want her to be real, I feel the painful tug in my heart, reminding me that the girl in front of me is just a figment of my imagination. I stare at her beautiful blue eyes, jewels in their own right. Just like the first day I met her, I fall in love all over again by just looking into those eyes.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you, Melody."

"Baby—"

"But I know now that I need to...to move on. I know you're gone. I know that now."

She sighs heavily and I watch as she wipes tears from her own eyes. Those beautiful blue pools shine as she looks back at me. "One day you're going to make someone so happy, Randy. Thank you for letting me be that girl for the last few years. But you're right. It's time to let me go."

"I won't ever forget you, Mel," I whisper. "Please don't forget me."

She touches my face again, with both hands this time and sits on my lap. I close my eyes and shudder out a long breath, knowing she isn't real but swearing I can feel her sitting on my lap, swearing that she's really there.

"Oh Randy sweetheart, I won't. I can't forget you."

More tears fall down my face as I finally manage to open my eyes back up. "I want to move on, but this is so hard to just stop spending my time hating myself for what happened to you."