I'm So Sorry

Chapter Twenty-Three

Olivia

The timer starts going off on Jackson's phone, but I only half register that it's happening. Makayla and Shannon are pulling at the rope while everyone else stands watching. I see him lying there, unmoving, his body flat on the ground. No sounds come from him any longer; he's just there. Just lying there.

It reminds me of Jackson. It reminds me of how I first found out he existed.

Those bullies were beating him up in the cafeteria. Watching him bleed on the floor, watching him suffer for those two minutes. That's what I remember. That's what made me feel sorry for him.

"Why did you want me to meet you here?" Jackson asked me as he leaned against my neighbor's locker. "I want to keep reading."

"I already told you how the sixth book ends. Why do you wanna keep reading the book when you know how it ends?" I had asked him, taking some of my notebooks out of my bag and throwing them into my locker. I had homework in math, where was my math notebook?

"Cause book seven is out," He protested.

"I know, I read it." There it is. Stuck against my history notebook again.

I heard him gasp very quietly. "How??"

I shrugged. "Was at the library last week and they had it so I checked it out."

"Was it good?" He got quieter. "Did Harry find the horcrux's?"

I shrugged again, grabbing my sweatshirt and my English textbook. "You'll just have to read it yourself." I started walking away but Jackson was still standing there against the lockers. I turned back and looked at him. "Are you coming?" I asked him.

He stared at me, then picked up his backpack from the ground and followed me through the halls. Mostly empty at this point, people passed us and I noticed something different. As we walked, we got looks from people. Jackson was standing on my right side, and being taller than him and many of my classmates, they looked up at me with a look of wonderment.

"Let them stare," I whispered to Jackson, whom seemed to notice the situation as well. "You're my friend now. You're not going to get pushed around like this again. I promise."

"Why?" He asked me quietly. "What did I do? Why do you want me here? You didn't tell me before and I wanna know."

Sixth grade me saw the restlessness. Saw the pain and suffering and the struggle to continue written on his face clear as day. I could tell that he was thinking about doing something that no one in our school had attempted yet. He wanted to die. I saw it on his face that day, and I never told him that. I never told him that that was the reason I sat down on that bench outside on that November afternoon.

I knew what Jackson was going through that day.

"Because I think you're worth it," I told him.

"Hey Olivia!" Mason had called out to me then, jerking Jackson's head up to see him and the girls walking towards us.

"Guys," I told them. "This is Jackson Lap. And I think you guys should get to know him."

Jessie

I hand Mason the bottle of water Shannon hadn't yet opened, his wrists and legs unbound now, now sitting on the bench next to Sandra. "Please drink it," Sandra asks him quietly. "And then please, talk to us. What happened to you, babe?"

"Give him space," Makayla demands. "He's not gonna talk if you're all crowded around him."

"Fuck off, Makayla, I'm his girlfriend," Sandra boasts. "I think I know how to handle him."

Makayla scoffs. "Sure you do, Sandra. Sure you do."

I look at both girls and then back at Mason, rolling my eyes so hard that it hurts. "Okay," I say to everyone. "How about we let Mason rest for a moment, and then we pick the game back up?"

"Or we could all go home," Ben comments from his seat, muttering. The group stays absolutely silent. "No one wants to be here obviously."

"I'm not going home." Mason picks his head up and opens the water bottle. He takes a few swigs before putting the cap back on and throwing the empty bottle onto the ground. "I'm good. Let's keep playing."

Sandra looks down at her boyfriend, giving him this confused look, then looks back up at the rest of us, her eyes darting around with despair. "Babe, you can't seriously think—"

"Jessie, truth or dare?"

I stare blankly at Mason. "Mason don't—"

He grits his teeth. "Truth. Or. Dare." He says each word like it's its own sentence, his teeth are tightly held together and he gives me a look that tells me I'm gonna regret it if I don't answer the question.

"Um, truth I guess."

He thinks for a moment, and then asks me, "If you only had twenty-four hours to live, what would you do?"

I don't even hesitate. "I'd tie up all the loose ends and fix everything that has ever been fucked up in my life."

Mason narrows his eyes even further, if that is even possible. "Care to elaborate?"

"No."

Mason sits back then, seemingly going back to normal. "Fine."

What was I gonna say? Go after my rapist? Kill him?

Finally tell the world I was raped?

Sandra

I look into the flames of the fire and I ask myself what I'm doing with this group. Why am I still here?

Mason...went insane. He's never done that...he's never...what just happened to my boyfriend?

I've never been more terrified in my life of something like this. And then Makayla...

That bitch. Where does she get off, telling me that I'm useless, that I'm pathetic? That I don't know what to do for my own boyfriend? "That fucking bitch," I think to myself as I narrow my eyes now. "Who does she think she is? Who does she think she is talking to?"

Maybe it's about time I stop this. Maybe I quit. Maybe I take Mason with me. Maybe we don't come back.

No. That's exactly what I'm going to do. Fuck all of them. Fuck this, fuck Makayla, and fuck everything. Mason is all I need. And whatever problems he has I'll fix them. Because everyone can be fixed.