Matt's POV
I was as nervous as all hell. I'd hardly slept a wink, thinking about what I was going to say to Ana, that before I knew it, it was morning.
I got dressed and headed over, Ana looked beautiful as always and it always made me happy to see Charlotte.
I'd organised for Charlotte to spend the day with Brian, Sophie and the kids. Ana and I really needed to talk and I didn't want Charlotte to hear the things I had to tell Ana, she didn't need to know that father had been somewhere dark, somewhere so dark that for awhile I didn't think I'd ever be the same again, a place in my mind that wanted to destroy me, a place I hoped I never went back to.
She wasn't happy about going, she'd made that perfectly clear, but finally she left and it was just me and Ana.
Ana was acting strange and I had a horrible feeling she was going to ask for a divorce. She burst into tears and that frightened me, she was trying to tell me something but she couldn't say it.
It was divorce, I just knew it, but I dragged her inside, begging her to let me talk first.
I made coffee and my hands were shaking so badly. I couldn't live without Ana, divorce wasn't an option for me.
I sat next to her, she wouldn't look at me, so I took her face in my hands, making her and what I saw broke my heart, so much pain, pain that I had caused.
I wrapped my arms around her, closing my eyes. "I'm sorry. For everything." I whispered.
She wrapped her arms around me, crying, and I held her, tightly. I didn't want to let her go, ever.
"Ana." I murmured, kissing her face. "My Ana."
I kissed her softly, happy when she responded. I couldn't do anything else, so I kissed her and kissed her and kissed her, I didn't want to stop.
"Matt." She murmured.
I pulled back slightly and looked at her.
"We were going to talk." She whispered.
I nodded, she was right, we still needed to talk.
I sat back, taking a mouthful of my almost cold coffee. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know where to start.
"Ana, please, I don't want a divorce."
She shook her head and another tear slipped down her cheek.
"Ana." It was all I could say. "I need you."
"I need you." She said, crying softly.
I let out my breath. She needed me. Three words had never sounded so sweet to me. Ana still needed me.
I stood up, pulling her off her stool and into my arm's, holding her tightly.
"I'm sorry baby." I whispered in her ear. "I wanted to destroy everything. Nothing made sense to me anymore."
She reached up and stroked the back of my neck. "I tried to help you Matt."
"I know you did. I know. I just hated everything." I took a deep breath, it was time to tell her. "Nothing made sense to me anymore Ana. Jimmy was dead so what right did any of us have to be happy? It wasn't right that I got to come home to you and Charlotte, it didn't feel right, nothing felt right. I wanted to destroy you Ana." I closed my eye's, saying it hurt. "I wanted to destroy myself and I did, I made you hate me and when you finally kicked me out I was so fucking happy, finally I had nothing because that's what I felt like I deserved, nothing."
"I never hated you Matt." She whispered.
"Oh god Ana." I whispered, hugging her tightly. "I said horrible things to you, but I didn't mean any of it, not a word, not a fucking word. You should hate me Ana, I hate me."
"I could never hate you Matthew, you were hurt, I knew that, I just couldn't stand it anymore but I never stopped loving you, I'll never stop loving you."
"I love you Ana." I whispered, kissing her forehead, her cheeks, kissing her all over her face. "Brian made me see, he's the one who made me see that what I was doing wasn't right, but it was too late, I'd already lost you. And your dad." I stopped mid sentence, I had to swallow my tears, I was ashamed of that the most. "I should have been there for you."
"I know."
I kissed her deeply. "I wanted to, but I, I just couldn't do it." I buried my face in her hair to hide my tears, here was the one person who'd always been here for me, since grade school and I'd treated her like absolute shit. I was so ashamed of myself.
"I forgive you Matthew." She murmured. "I'll always forgive you, you can do anything and I'll always forgive you."
I looked at her and gently wiped the tears off of her cheeks. "I just want to spend the rest of my life with you Ana, loving you, the way you deserved to be loved."
"And I want to love you, let me love you." She cried.
I kissed her again, I couldn't get enough of her, I'd never be able to get enough of her.
"Always Ana." I murmured, and I meant it.
Ana and I, we were one.
