My online boyfriend~narusasu

iii

"Dude, what the fuck do I do??These people wont leave me alone !!"I was literally screaming into my phone.

"Well, thats what happens when you join a gay dating site , didn't you know that? "was the reply I got back .

"well , I did ,Before a certain idiot told me that it might actually be a good idea to ... what was that term you had used?ah yes ...to bring a bit of 'exhilaration ' and 'passion ' into my oh-so-dreary life "I air-quoted.
I could almost see him rolling his eyes at the other end of the phone.

"calm your tits man... I ll be over in a few "and he hung up. NOBODY can hang up on me when I m hyperventilating this bad!!

****a few hours ago****

I m so excited- the universe is lucky I'm not high on fake-orange-flavore energizing drinks or I would be jumping off the walls. I was finally going to start texting today!!
(now that I think about it ,me being excited to text sounds kinda lame)

I logged on to my account and waited for the site to load. Curse you slow internet..
After what seemed like ages it finally came on.
I blinked once in surprise.Then twice for effect.This is the first time Im coming online and I already have 5 message-like notifications blinking.

meh..who cares...saves me the trouble of actually searching for people.
kay...lets see the first one ,
"fuck me if im wrong... but would your last name be easy-bottom?"
shit thats creepy.. but I should have expected something like that considering his profile pic was a snake eating a rat.
let's move on to the next one then ,
"My name is Mark... remember that, you'll be screaming it later."
uhhh no thanks. NEXT !!
"I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked."
so you get the drift right ?coz I do NOT want to go through that again to explain it all.
After a shitload of pickup lines (copied off the internet no doubt)and a bunch of dick pictures (like really ??)I was soo done with this site.

Thats when real horror started. that monkey (Kiba) had added even my contact details to my profile(how the fuck had I missed that?) I knew he would find a way to screw me up ... now these perverts wont stop calling me!

and THATS how I found myself in this current predicament freaking my ass off waiting for kiba to come .

I jumped when someone started knocking on my window. Don't tell me he told them where I live too ..

A mop of brown hair appeared at the bottom of the window.. HOLY SHIT !
Those perverts have found where i live .. goodbye life ....
"naruto ."
"You were dissatisfactorily good to me ... "
"Naruto! "
"You fucked up my social life but gave me a crazy family as compensation...and the one friend I have turned out to be an idiot ..

hasta la vista cruel world..I ll miss you all *sob*"

"NARUTO!!"
"WHAT?!"

"You're hiding in the bathtub and screaming "
when did I....?but firstly
"why the hell were you perving on me?! "
"why the eff should I perv on you ??I m straight remember ??"
I opened my mouth...
"wait , dont answer that . "

We stared at each other.
"So when do you intend to get out of there ?"trust Kiba to never be able to maintain eye contact...I snickered

I got out of the tub and went back to my room where Kiba unceremoniously plopped down on my bed.
I retrieved my phone from where I had thrown it during my hysteria and sat down next to him.
"so ..."he started.
"I m done with this site .I m leaving ."
"No you're not . You haven't even tried properly yet ."

"dude its not gonna work ..I don't know how to handle such people"
"just one last try .if this does not work out I won't force you into such things anymore "

I contemplated it . How much damage would one last try make ?Not much i guess ...

"okay ...but this is the last time "
I went into my account again and noticed a new message .
"if this is like the others I m quitting this site "I warned Kiba .
taking a deep breath and preparing for the worst I opened it .
"hey :-）"
"......"
Hallelujah!!bMy first normal message !I am literally shedding tears of joy right now (just so you know).
I typed back an unsure hi .

（A/N okay now I m gonna put all the recieved messages in bold n the sent ones in italics）

"You seem new here "
"I am "
shit I shouldn't have said that ...now hes gonna think I m some kind of an innocent amateur kid who does not know what hes doing. I want to take back my words stupid phone !GIMME BACK MY WORDS!!
"oh that's cool ...I myself joined just a few months ago ."

now let me tell you something...I might have the most fucked up english there is , but personally I m a sucker for good language .AND this here if not perfect was far a better example than any I had seen today .
which is why I answered with an
"oh , nice "
"laaaame "kiba sang behind me(I forgot he was still here ).
but really ...that's the best I can come up with ?!even an anti-social idiot a.k.a me , knows that to be a bitch-slapping i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you conversational stopper .I give up. I m never going to find anybody here.and this time it's my fault.

"so how old are you ?"
woah...direct much ？
after a moment he sent another message .
"oops , just realized how creepy that sounded ...but I really want to know how old you are "
"i ll go first . im 17. you ?"
talking about myself is going to be unsafe. But some risks need to be taken ..

"I ll turn 17 this october "
"cool .. "
"hey I need to go now . but I want to talk a little more with you .. so uhh see you tomorrow ?"
then an added "only if you want to that is "
I did not hesitate before replying ,
"sure , I'd love to "
his answer came back in seconds
"awesome , I ll text you tomorrow .same time;) "

I mentally did a happy dance at how good my first conversation on a gay site went .
"naruto stop bouncing , you ll make me fall off "
guess that was not such a mental dance huh ...

"so who was this guy that's made you so happy ?"
and then realization hit me .
"dont tell me you texted a guy for over 45 minutes without seeing his name."
45 minutes？？but the conversation was so short...I blame it on the slow internet.

hurriedly I went back to the texts we had exchanged and read the persons name.
sass.you

oh.

I clicked on his name deciding to check out his profile before logging out.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!knock me senseless and ship me off to the penguins.

HES HAWT!!!