I Just Want to be Loved

Grave and Sadness

For all of you who didn't understand the last chapter, the baby was a still born.

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The nurse brought the baby in so they could see the baby, even though it wasn't alive.

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-Sammy

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I sat in front of her grave with my legs crossed, my elbows on my legs and my face in my hands.

Louis was sitting behind me with his arms wrapped around my body.

There were some paparazzi hidden amongst the trees, but I ignored them. They weren’t bothering me, so I didn’t bother them.

Her birthday was three days ago.

There wasn’t really a funeral. It was Louis, myself and the priest. The priest said a few words as they lowered my baby into the ground, and then some workers filled the grave with dirt as Louis and I sat there.

Her grave was right by Brett’s. They were siblings, yet they never even knew each other.

We’d been sitting in the same place for the last three hours.

 And, of course, it started to rain.

“Do you want to go?” Louis asked and I nodded.

He stood and offered me his hand and pulled me up, and then we headed towards the car.

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When we go back home I went up to the nursery that was made for my little baby girl, and I closed the door behind me. I sat on the ground by the crib and leaned against the wall and look around my old room.

All the posters of the boys had been taken down and the walls were no longer red with white dotes. The room was now light pink and all the furniture was white.

I looked up at the crib that was above me and tears filled my eyes again, so I put my face in my hands.

'My baby is supposed to be sleeping in there. She's supposed to be wearing the cute clothes that's her uncle's bought her. She's supposed to be crying and keeping me awake all the time. She's not supposed to be buried in a grave. And her brother shouldn't be buried in a grave either. They should be alive and with me,’ I said to myself.

"Both your babies should be with you and you should be with us." I heard Harry say and I quickly looked up from my hands because I hadn't heard the door open, but the room was empty.

I stood up from where I was sitting and I walked out the room and downstairs into the kitchen where Harry and Zayn were cooking dinner.

“Hey Britt,” Zayn said.

“Have you been in here this whole time?” I asked Harry and he looked confused.

“Yes, why?”

“No reason,” I murmured and walked away.

When I was back to the stairs, Zayn ran up behind me.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked and I nodded slightly. “First of all, no, you’re not, I can tell. Second of all, don’t lie to me. You know I can tell when people lie. Third of all, what’s wrong, besides the obvious, because I know that there more than just that?”

“There’s nothing.”

“Brittany,” he said sternly.

“Zayn, I just had to burry my baby. That’s going to mess me up a little bit,” I said and tears came to my eyes again.

“Talk to me about it,” he said and I shook my head. “Okay, then talk to one of the other boys about it. Or Meghan. Just talk to someone. I’m pretty sure that Louis will understand everything if you talk to him.”

“I’ll talk to some eventually,” I said and I walked back upstairs and went into Louis and I’s room this time.

The lights were off and Louis was leaning against the head board on his side of the bed crying softly.

“Hi Lou,” I said and I walked over and sat by him.

“Hey Britt,” he replied and rested his head on my shoulder.

“I’m upset.”

“Me too.”

“Don’t cry.”

“I don’t want to, I’m just upset,” he said.

“It’s okay,” I replied and wrapped my arms around him and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” I told him.

"I really love you," I heard Louis say, but his lips didn't move, but I just ignored it.

“No, I really mean it,” he said, moving his head from my shoulder and looking me in the eyes. “I really love you. I’ve never just been saying it because we were going to have a baby together.”

I smiled and chuckled quietly. “And I love you too. And I mean it. I really do. I’ve always had a crush on.”

“Really?” he asked and smiled.

“There’s the smile I’ve been missing,” I said and pinched his cheeks.

“And there’s my lovely Brittany that I’ve been missing,” Louis replied and gave me a kiss.

“Foods done!” we heard Harry scream and then we heard Niall’s door fly open and him running down the hall and down the stairs.

“God that boy has problems.”

“You’re telling me,” I muttered and Louis and I walked down the stairs to join the rest of the boys.