The Alpha's Runaway

Chapter 55: Not How It Was Meant To Be (part 2)

I don't get it.
I honestly don't.

How can I feel this way? It's like this man in my fucking insanity, but he's my cure all as well. He's my reason to smile and God it hurts to know that for some reason I still think he made a mistake. Like what a sick twist of fate it would have been- if he decided I just wasn't for him.

Here I am- obsessed with this idea that fate is cruel, because darkness is all I've ever known. I'm sitting in the fucking weird as opening amidst the tress, just over thinking.

He said one thing.
One thing.
And here I am rethinking my existence.

*flashback*
"I don't get you, you know that?" Xavier said with a hint of humor in his voice staring at me while I devour these chicken nuggets.
"Hmm?" Was all I can manage to say, my hunger winning as I'm eating my obsession.
"It's like- here you are eating chicken nuggets- yet you can't admit to yourself that you love me." He said with a smirk in his voice and on his face. "I'm not gonna get mad if you say you don't. Words don't meet shit, you've proved it already, more than once."
"I'm going for a walk."

I got up, having lost my appetite. And walked and walked, until I found this clearing amidst the trees.

Present Day-

I don't get it. Yes I care, yes I really fucking do. But do I love him? Is this how love is suppose to be? Is this how it's suppose to feel? It's like I crave his existence, just his smile makes my day... with Rob I doubted how heart, with Xavier I don't have to, I know his heart is true.

But what if this was a twisted joke, and fate gives him a mate- an actual mate, a werewolf who he won't feel the need to doubt.

"Ace?..." a familiar voice asked.
I looked up to see Rob standing there.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, slightly confused.
"I work around here, I thought I saw you wonder in the woods and I know your clumsy..." slightly embarrassed he started rubbing the back of his neck.
I nodded my head "You didn't have to follow me, I have my phone I could call for help if I fall down a hole." I chuckled to myself.
"So that guy, are you guys together?" I stood up, not liking the fact that his stance engulfed me in it's shadow.
"That, isn't any of your business." I said as I walked past him, but he grabbed my arm. He looked at me "grey. Your favorite color is grey." he said as he dropped his grip on my arm.
Shocked I looked at him, as he stared down at me.
"This clearing reminds me of the day we made two months; the more I think about the past the more I hate myself for it, you know? I shouldn't have let you go, I couldn't see how stupid I was then, but it's only been ten months mi reina, have you truly forgotten me?"
"Mi reina?" I laughed at the Spanish term for 'my queen', a term of endearment he use to call me. "Mi rey, you and I both know ten months is a long time, hell it took you ten days to be inside of someone else." I smirked- "please save your breathe, my business is no longer your concern, you no longer control me- you don't get to control who I talk to or hang out with anymore."
"What happened to- 'I'll wait for someday'" He said confidently.
"I stopped waiting when you decided someday was 'one day'. Baby boy, I told you I'd follow you anywhere and that was held to be true. You led me to a path of pain, and self destruction, and heartbreak, and you led me to re-discover myself and my priorities. So please do not stand here and dwell on the past, let it go. Forreal, I've told you before- drop it."
"You cannot stand here and say our past meant nothing, how can you stand here and say that we should drop it?!"
"How can you stand here and say otherwise, Rob?" I stared at him like he was crazy. "Let it go Rob- what's done is done."
"Is he worth all or this?"
"Was she?"

Rob stared at me- angry. Before I knew it his lips were on mine, his arms around me. Pulling me in- I tried hard to break free, moving my face trying to push him back, throwing my body back. He looked at me, loosening his grip I moved my arm, balling it into a fist I punched him square in the throat, causing him to cough.

"Don't ever fucking touch me again, or I won't hesitate to let Xavier rip your fucking throat out."
"You love me why can't you admit it?" Rob asked. "Stop acting so big and bad and just say what needs to be said like before so we can move past this."
"I am past this!" I shouted. "Get over yourself! I don't want to spend the rest of my forever with you!"
"You'll spend it with him?!" He shouted back. "I thought you'd follow me anywhere!"
"I DID FOLLOW YOU! YOU LED ME TO MY PATH AS YOU FOLLOWED YOURS!"
"WHAT HAPPENED TO FUCKING WAITING?!"
"WHAT HAPPENED TO FUCKING STAYING!" I screamed back. "Rob," I sighed "let it go, do what you do best and walk away."
"I already made that mistake! Christ don't you get it! I already walked away from you, you want me to stop how about you leave this time."

I looked at him...
Could I walk away? Walk away from the only home I've had, my sanctuary, my safety, the guy I planned to spend the rest of my life with... Can I really walk away from this?

"You can't walk away can you?" Rob asked. Cockily-

"Every time I look at my hips and I see the darkest scar: I think to the day I laid in bed at 1 am and cried for you- while you proudly posted a video with a hickey by her. I think about how hard I cried, how I tried to cover my mouth so my sobbing screams wouldn't wake up my sleeping family. I held a razor to my wrist while my hips bled red, and I decided at that moment, I was meant to live, I was meant for so much more than you. I didn't cut my wrist, my hips were cut so deep I had bled for days. And every time I see that one scar amidst the others, or see you, I think back to the night I told you I couldn't be on your side anymore, and that you fucking won because you played this game a lot better than I could. I slept maybe 2 min out of ever 10, and then went to school and pretended that none of it ever happened. So do not stand in front of me questioning if I can walk away or questioning the person I choose to have on my side, because you seriously have no right to ever stand in front of me and say what we once had was love. Get over yourself, it's about damn time to stop dwelling on the past. But yes. Yes I can walk" I scoffed, pushed past him.

I guess i can walk away.

but the question still remains: is it Xavier I want to spend the rest of my forever with? Do I love Xavier?
Is this how they said it would be?