I don't like this.
I don't like the feeling I'm carrying around me. The suffocating sense of not being able to take a deep breath of release. The weight of the darkness been thrown down upon me and those all around me. It is beginning to not just feel like hate but a sense of evil lurking in the shadow.. My shadow.
Never have I missed my bright green eyes and the liveliness that I once felt, and the feeling of being myself that came along with it.
Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to be looking back at myself only to find black soulless eyes staring straight back at me with the questions lingering in my mind of who am I? Is this really what I have become? Was I really pushed so far that my mind took the chance to escape into the dark, into the Eclipse of self destruction?
The faces of the ones I loved to appear to me as nothing but acquaintances. The confusion I have when I look deep into their eyes only to find how distant I actually am from them, but knowing there right here in front of me. Here with me.
I'm torn
I don't know wether to fight it or hold onto it. I know it's me and I'm at a crossroad.
love and fear going one way
Or
To Proceed with out emotional consequences.
I'm trapped
Trapped within my self. My body has become my own prison.
"Mia"
I glance at the door behind me.
I turn the Tap on and continue to wash my hands as I grab the paper towel to dry them the whole everyday routine just feeling like I'm still on auto pilot.
"Mia"
What do I say? What is it I'm suppose to do now? The feeling of leaving getting stronger but somehow it feels wrong but the right thing to do.
"One Minute" I hear my own voice but it no longer sounds like me
I take one last look in the mirror as I turn and open the bathroom door
"What is it Jason?"
He frowns at me as he takes a step back looking slightly confused
"Your eyes they haven't changed back ..." His voice containing a hint of worry
I know.
what does he want me to say? Sorry? But I know that's lying as I don't feel sorry.
"Does it bother you" I throw at him not caring to much to hear his answer
I walk out past him and head for the exit of the pack house, everyone seems to have left already as I don't hear a heart beat around besides Jason's and my own.
"Mia wait!" Jason shouts from behind me
I stop in my tracks at the sound of the urgency in his tone, pulling at apart of me that seems so far now. I stare at the open door in front of me.
The door to freedom.
"You can't even face me?" Jason speaks firmly
No
I know what I want now and I just want out. Out of everything and away from everybody.
I hear his steps come up behind me as he slowly comes into view
"This isn't you Mia.. This can't be you" his voice shows signs of pain
His words surprise me not the words itself but the feeling of what I felt when he said it.
