Devil

Chapter 25

You stayed in the car in silence as Jongin let you cry. He just took your hand and rubbed your back from time to time. He didn't say anything yet but you knew that he was affecting him too much as well. The hand that was holding yours was shaking, no matter how much Jongin tried to avoid it by holding your hand tighter. His breathing sounded hard and he was tightening his teeth. You needed to get out of the car; that small space was suffocating you but you were so scared of it. You knew that if you'd get out you'd have to face all the whispers and comments about you and you wouldn't be able to bear that.

"Take me home, please", you finally said; your voice practically inaudible. Jongin just nodded and started the engine without telling another word. As he parked in front of your house, you stayed in silence again until Jongin broke it.

"We're going to solve this, baby. I promise", he said. He sounded about to cry. You felt as if someone would have ripped your heart out. It hurt so much. The pain that they could cause Jongin terrified you more than the pain that they could cause you. That was your entire fault. You didn't say anything and got out of the car. What could you have said? That you knew that everything was going to be okay again? You weren't sure of that. Actually, you felt that it only could get worse. You didn't see a solution for that. You saw as Jongin followed you but you stopped him.

"I need to be alone", you said. "Please", you continued as he seemed to doubt.

"Just call me when you feel better, okay?", he said as he hugged you. His heart was beating so fast. He stroked your face and wiped the dry tears away before he brushed his lips against yours sweetly.

"I love you, baby", he said. His eyes were on yours and you could see it, the promise that he'd be with you no matter what. You looked down to break the eye contact. You whispered a quiet good bye and opened the door.

As you got inside your quiet house, you burst into tears again. You couldn't breathe, you felt dizzy and your heart began to beat really fast. Your chest hurt as you stood up and ran to the bathroom while your body trembled. Anxiety and fear invaded you. You were going to die. You poured cold water on your head and sat on the bowl, trying to breathe. Little by little, your breathing became normal again.

You took your phone and looked at the screen. You had more than 50 messages. You knew you shouldn't but you opened them. You knew some of the people texting you but others came from unknown numbers. A few of them were for asking if you were okay but more were just for bashing you. They called you a whore and a slut. They asked if you had given crabs to the boy you slept with. Some of them asked you if you wanted to have sex with them too, they even asked you how many they'd have to pay to sleep with you.

You didn't know how to describe it, but all you could feel was a mixture of anxiety, fear and... nothing. It felt as if you weren't in your body. You felt a pressure on your chest as you opened the video again. Every second of it repulsed you and caused you pain but you needed to make sure of something. Jongin couldn't be seen at any moment. It was just you. Somehow, it relieved you a little. They didn't know it was Jongin and they were never going to know it.

You lied down on your bed and hugged a pillow. You couldn't come back to school. You couldn't face those comments and insults. And you couldn't face them. You didn't need them to tell you, you knew perfectly it was them who did it. Kyungsoo was the only one who could have put a camera in your bedroom but he couldn't have done it alone. Subin was behind that, you were sure. Kyungsoo could hate you but he wasn't that mean. You wondered what you had done to deserve that. Had you been such a bad person? You hurt Kyungsoo's feelings and Subin... The only thing you did to her was being with Jongin. You loved him and he loved you. Was it a sin?