Devil

Chapter 7

KAI'S POV

She saw us; she was just in front of us when I kissed Subin. Her face was pale and I swore she was crying when she turned and left. Why was I doing that? I knew Subin liked me but she never did anything before. I assumed it was because she didn't want to hurt her friend, then why did she change her mind and ask me out? It was completely out of the blue; I was in the parking lot about to leave when she appeared and asked me. I was going to say no at first. I never liked Subin; she was stupid, selfish and a prick-teaser. I didn't know how they both became friends; they were so different. But then I thought it wouldn't be such a bad idea. I knew she was going to get out of school and we'd see her at the parking lot at any moment. I was expecting her. When I saw her, I grabbed Subin and I kissed her. I wanted to make her jealous but she was crying instead. That wasn't my intention. Why was she crying? Was it because she thought Subin was kind of betraying her for being with me? Was it because she thought I was going to hurt her best friend? Or was it because of me? It was impossible. She didn't like me and never did before. I was, as she used call me, the devil. During the past two years I treated her so bad. I'd been so mean with her, always spreading rumors and making her life miserable. After what happened two years ago I wanted to hate her, I wanted to make her suffer. But I never could. No matter how hard I tried, no matter all the pranks and the rumors... I couldn't hate her. She was in my mind all the time; she was like a ghost constantly following me. Hurting her was the only way to be with her. I couldn't bear the fact of seeing her with other boys, so I invented many rumors. I even threatened two or three boys. If I found out someone was going to ask her out, I made sure he didn't.

I knew she liked Kyungsoo and, although we never talked about her, I knew he always felt preference for her. And that scared me a lot. I was desperate and that was when I told her Kyungsoo would never like her because she wasn't an experienced girl. Of course it was a lie; Kyungsoo had never been with a girl before. But I was sure she was going to believe me because she had always been quite innocent; people could trick her easily. And just because of that I thought she was going to get scared and stop being after Kyungsoo. She was so pure and had a white mind. I even doubted she could think badly about anyone. She was simply good. I thought she was going to back out but then she asked me to help her to get experience. It was the first time in two years that she really talked to me. Did she really like Kyungsoo that much? Was she really willing to do that just to make him like her? I was so angry and jealous. But I accepted, thinking wrongly again that it was going to be too much for her innocent mind. But maybe it was just too much for me. From the first time I kissed her, I went crazy. I was dreaming about having her for so long. I began to imagine her with me all the time. Every time I went to bed, I prayed for her to appear in my dreams. She was so beautiful; she didn't know how beautiful she was. She was perfect. She reacted to every one of my touches and kisses. It was like we were made for each other. Every time I kissed her it was as if the world stopped and we were the only ones in the world. Every time I touched her it was as if electricity ran along our bodies, connecting us inevitably. I wanted her so badly. I didn't know if I was going to be able to control myself with her. Everything was so new for her and I was so happy for being the first one to show her all that, even if the circumstances were like that. Was I selfish? I was depriving her of experience those things with someone that she actually loved. What was I doing? I was trying so hard to hate her when I loved her so much.

Having her that way wasn't really having her. Should I stop? But then again, watching her with other boy made me go insane. What was I going to do if she was with Kyungsoo one day? Would I be able to bear that? I was sure I wouldn't. Gosh, why should I do? I was so torn. I wanted her to be happy but I wanted her to be mine as well. I knew I didn't deserve to have her after what I did. I had been so mean to her. And I had been with so many girls, trying to forgive her. But there was no one like her; nobody could ever compare to her. Was it fine if I just let things to be the way they were? She just asked me to help her and I accepted. If it was the only way, was it fine to have her like that?