Hearts At War

Thirty-fourth War

"Come on, Trix, just one lunch." Sabi ni Ameer. Nanatili akong nakatunghay sa mga papeles na pinipirmahan. I didn't bother looking at him. He has been pestering me to go and have lunch with him for months now. Ayos lamang iyon sa akin kung sana ay may oras ako pero ang buong atensyon ko ngayon ay nasa kumpanya.

I am too busy dahil sa expansion na naganap. I have conquered even South America. Kakagaling ko lamang sa Rio and Mexico last week. Nakakapagod pero it's all worth it for me. In just a year ay na-achieve ko ang bagay na iyon. It was an idealistic move, risky even but I jumped right off.

"Look Ameer, I would love to if I have time but even my lunch were scheduled for meetings already. I am just so busy." Paliwanag ko dito kahit na hindi ito tinitignan. Narinig ko siyang bumuntong hininga saka matamlay na nagsalita.

"I understand. You are so busy, will probably always be. But I will wait until you are free, until you can have time for a simple lunch with me." Sunod niyon ay ang paggalaw ng bangko at mga yapak. Damn it! Nabuhay ang aking konsensya sa kanyang sinabi. Nag-angat ako ng tingin.

"Well, maybe, I can clear my schedule for one afternoon next week so we can grab lunch?" Nakita long nagliwanag ang mukha nito nang lingunin ako mula sa may pintuan. Tumikhim ito saka ngumiti at tumango.

"That would be awesome." Malumanay lamang ang pagkakasabi nito pero halatang halata naman ang pinipiit na tuwa. Tumikhim ulit ito. "I should go. I have to be at the hospital." Tumango lang ako saka ngumiti. Sinuklian niya iyon ng mas malapad na ngiti at umalis na.

Napatigil ako sa ginagawa at natulala lamang sa pintuan kung saan lumabas si Ameer. He has been a constant person in my life here in Chicago. Noon hanggang ngayon. We were seat mates during third grade and have been friends. Then we met at the hospital again three months ago.

Right when we were about to separate ways, he confessed. I didn't know what to say and since then he has been pursuing me.

Kinapa ko ang sarili ko. I did found myself again but can I let myself feel again this soon? Handa na ba ako para sa isang panibagong pag-ibig? Napangiti ako.

"Will you wait for me, Ameer? Will you be patient with me?" Tanong ko sa kawalan.

Maybe, I am ready for a whole new kind of love. Iyong pag-ibig na magtatagal hanggang sa huli. Iyong pag-ibig na walang iwanan at hindi ko iiyakan. And maybe, Ameer's worth the shot.

Nagtatawanan kami ni Ameer papasok sa lobby ng hotel. Nagkukuwento siya sa mga nangyari noong highschool prom nila. Hindi ko na iyon inabot pa dahil umuwi na kami ng Pilipinas noon. I wish I could have been there.

"And you know Mrs. Neeson, remember her?" I nodded. "She danced like some teenage horndog! That was a horrible horrible sight! It ruined everybody's mood to dance!" Humagalpak ako sa tawa sa kwento niya isama pa ang hitsura niya habang ikinukwento iyon. Para siyang may naalalang nakakasukang bagay. I laughed harder! Hindi ko kasi ma-imagine ang hitsura ni Mrs. Neeson pero naiimagine ko na ang reaksyon ng mga taong nakakita dito.

"Didn't know she had it in her to go wild!" Turan ko na hindi pa rin matigil sa pagtawa. He laughed and nodded his head in agreement.

"Me neither! I gotta give credit to her though cause she made that night extra memorable." Aniya ng nakangisi. Sumasakit na ang tiyan ko kakatawa.

Natigilan si Ameer nang may nadapang batang lalaki sa gilid niya. The baby looks like he's just learning to walk. Bago pa man ito matulungan ni Ameer ay tumayo na ito mag-isa saka lumapit ang Yaya nitong tumatawa at natutuwa sa ginawang iyon ng bata. Kinarga nito ang bata at nang napaharap sa akin iyon ay kumalabog ang puso ko.

Why does his eyes look so familiar?
Nawala ang atensyon ko sa bata nang magsalita si Ameer. Nilingon ko ito.

"That's one impressive baby." Komento ni Ameer ng nakangiti. Tinignan ko ito at nahuling nakatanaw ito sa bata.

"Random question. How many kids would you like to have?" Nilingon niya ako. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay ngunit ngumisi lamang siya sa akin.

"That's a random question alright! Should I answer?" Sabi ko Nagkibit balikat siya at inalalayan na ako para makapaglakad ulit patungong restaurant ng hotel.

"Up to you if you want to. No pressure!" Depensa nito na ikinatawa ko. No pressure saan? Sa mga anak o sa pagsagot ng tanong niya.

"Very well then, I'd like 3 children. I want a family that's not so big and not so small too. Grew up in that kind of family so..." Kibit balikat na lang rin ang idinugtong ko.

"Wow! What a coincidence! I want 3 kids too! Is it just me or are we really meant to be?" Pilyong sabi niya. Humagalpak na naman ako sa tawa nang dahil sa banat niya. Masyado nang gasgas pero nakakatuwa pa rin. Ewan ko ba! Lahat ng sinasabi ni Ameer, joke man o banat at kahit ang corny na ay natutuwa pa din ako. It's like he makes everything lighter by making me laugh so hard. And I like that about a guy, iyong may sense of humor.

"Maybe, we are!" Pagsang-ayon ko dito at nagngisian kaming dalawa.

Kumain kami at puro tawanan lamang ang nangyari. I looked at Ameer while he's laughing his buns off. Napangiti ako sa nakikita.

He looks like he's got no problems at all and he's beautiful when he laughs. Yes, maybe, I think, I can learn to love this man.

No, I know I can love this man. He's gonna help me forget all about Brent and he'll be greater than my true love.

"Ameer..." His laughter died down and he's smiling at me while waiting for me to talk. "I like you. It isn't hard not to. I am willing to give us a shot" Sabi ko. Mas lumapad ang naging ngiti niya at kita ko ang pagkislap ng kanyang mga mata.

"Thank you, Trix. I promise, you won't regret this...I'll make you happy. I won't ever make you cry." Aniya nang puno ng emosyon at sinseridad. Tumango ako and there, alam kong tama ang desisyon ko.

I am not going to cry anymore for the things I once wanted but never got. I realized that life is full of choices. We just stick to the things we want that's why they become limited. But if we open our mind, we'll find that there are other great choices out there, some are even greater than the once we dreamed of having. It's up to us to mope and mourn for the things we cannot get or find and search for things we can have.