A Letter to the Ones I've Loved (Bully Luke Hemmings)

Entry 3

A mirror. A reflective surface I'm standing in front of right now. My breath is still shaky. I have this pit in my stomach. With every breath I draw it cuts deeper in me. I don't want to look into this mirror but my subconscious forces me to. Now I'm facing myself eye to eye and my stomach feels as if it's going to burst. All I see when I look in this mirror is sadness, the ugliest emotion. I can't see anything but sadness. I'm confused. Why did Luke try and help me? Why is he even here? Is he trying to hurt me? Is this all his fault? No, my mentally ill brain tells me I put myself in this situation and I believe it. I walk out into the waiting room searching for Luke. I check my watch, 4:45. Walking towards my therapists office I see the familiar beige hallway and cheap dirt smudged white rug lining the floors. It's not that this place is particularly ugly but I would more describe it as ignored too much. Like me, I guess. I walk into Dr. Pearle's office, my brain running a hundred miles per hour.

"Allie! My beautiful patient, how are you feeling today sweetie?" I'm confused. Did she not know I just had a panic attack? I feel like a literal pile of crap. I look to the side of her peeling leather chair to find a boy on the cream colored couch. I knit my eyebrows together.

"This is Richard, Allie. I thought it might be a good idea to have a group therapy session today! Just the two of you. I think it would really help us break through new ground together. What do you think?" I nod my head even though I'm a little scared. I'm not sure I want a complete stranger knowing all of my problems. My thoughts are cut off when I hear the pale boy talk. "Most people just call me Richard but you can call me tonight." He winks at me.

I half scoff half laugh. "I'm Allie. Most people just call me immune to horrible pick up lines." I'm mad at him for flirting with me. I take a moment to stare at him. He's actually not ugly. He has dark brown hair and these piercing blue eyes. I'm sure he didn't need the cheesy pick up lines to get girls. He already seemed like he'd get tons of dates. He looks back at me, smirking.

"I like your sass, although I think I'll just call you horrible. Your name's a little long. Most people call me Dick."

I laugh. "Wow it can't be because you just used that pickup line completely unironically. So I'm guessing you're here for chronic flirting?" The sarcasm is dripping from my lips as I speak these words.

He smirks, holding in a laugh. "No, although.." He covers the side of his mouth Dr. Pearle can see "I'm really only flirting with you to make Dr. Sexy jealous."

"No freaking way." I let out a hearty laugh, covering my mouth.

"Yea, I'm totally kidding. Already tried making her jealous, that fine piece of a therapist is immune to my charm. Is it working on you though?" He does a quick eyebrow dance.

"No, not in the least." Although I am slightly blushing and laughing as I say these words so their meaning seems a bit false.

"Okay, flirty birdies, time to talk about the real stuff." Any trace of a smile that was once on my face has completely disappeared by now. "Why don't you two introduce each other formally. I suggest starting with why you're here and then a fun fact about yourself." I feel Richard poke my elbow smiling like a goof as if he could sense my smile had disappeared at Dr. Pearle's words. I try and smile back but instead I turn away.

A fun fact. Let's see, I get bullied a lot, I'm dying, and ice cream is my savior. There's nothing fun about me. My sense of humor is as dry as my social life. Richard talks, interrupting my thoughts.

"Well, I'm Richard. I've got a crap load of problems I guess. I'm a newly only child...." He seems to be searching for other words to say so I jump in with a joke because I'm freaking hilarious like that.