A Letter to the Ones I've Loved (Bully Luke Hemmings)

Entry 27

  Dr. Pearle walks in my room, diverting my attention from the wall to her.

 "Allie, we can't help you if you don't talk to us."

"Allie, I'm not gonna leave until I know you're okay, alright?" Luke tries to look me in my eyes but I avoid eye contact.

"You can leave, Luke. I'll be alright." I don't mean what I say but Luke looks exhausted and I don't want him to stay up all night with me. Because I know that I won't be getting any sleep anytime soon.

"Wanna watch a movie?" I shake my head no. I don't feel like doing anything.

"Wanna talk?" I shake my head no again and Luke sits in the chair beside my bed. "Ok, we can just sit here." And I smile, not because he was joking, because he wasn't. I smile because his voice is soft, like how Eliza would have comforted me after a panic attack.

"Where's Luke?" I check my phone for the date. "It's been 3 days.." I whisper.

"I'm sure he's just busy with school work." Dr. Pearle says impatiently.

"Luke?"

"Yea Allie?" He says as he yawns.

"Never mind." I whisper. I can tell Luke is exhausted and not in the right state of mind to have a conversation.

"Tell me." Luke says tiredly.

"Do you think we'd be friends even if I was taking my pills?"

"What kind of question is that? I think pills don't do shit. If you were taking them I'd probably lose a little respect for you." Luke says with a little more life in him compared to the last time he spoke.

"Wait," I sit up in my bed. "so you're saying that if I tried to take care of my mental health, you'd lose respect for me?" I cross my arms over my chest.

"No, I'm just saying-"

"Please stop talking." I scoff.

"You know what, I'm gonna leave." Luke stands up from the chair and readjusts his snapback.

"What, are you scared of a little fight?" I stand up from my bed.

"No, I'm getting a little too fucking angry." I flinch as his voice hardens and slouch my shoulders. 

  "It's been three days." I repeat.

  "Three days since what, Allie?" Dr. Pearle tilts her head.

  "Wait, Luke." I whisper in an attempt to keep my voice steady. He stops in the doorway but doesn't turn back around to face me. I walk up to him and stand on my tip toes so I can tap his shoulder. "Please look at me." I plead but he remains still.

  "Pills are toxic, Allie." And with that he walks away, leaving me alone.

  "Since Luke left." I answer. Dr. Pearle opens her mouth to respond but before any words come out, I see two people burst through my door with what seems like hundreds of balloons.

  "HAPPY DISCHARGE DAY!!!!" My eyes go wide as I see Aunt Sharon appear from behind a balloon. I look from my Aunt to Dr. Pearle and Dr. Pearle appears to be just as stunned as me.

  "I'm sorry who are you? Allison hasn't been given permission to be discharged yet. She hasn't taken her pills yet." Aunt Sharon frowns.

  "Aw, that's alright. We'll take care of that, can you give us a few minutes?" Dr. Pearle looks at me with a quizzical expression but I just stare blankly. Dr. Pearle hesitantly gets up from her seat and waves goodbye.