I'll Be Here Patiently Waiting ~ a Phanfiction ~

Chapter 18 - Oh Memories.

Dan's POV (nothing new here :L):

Dan tiredly walked through the travel lodge entrance doors, hand-in-hand with Phil. The man at the desk with fiery red hair was slumped in his swivel chair, typing away at the speed of lightening. He looked up from his computer screen, with zombie eyes which took a moment to adjust a vision, then pulled a smile at the two.

Dan and Phil travelled around the corner and waited in the elevator. They learnt from their last elevator trip not to get too cozy. "That was amazing." Dan remarked, staring at the ceiling.

"How many times have you said that?" Phil giggled, staring at Dan with fascination.

"I don't know," Dan replied, rolling his eyes to Phil, "how many times have you agreed?". He laughed, then kissed him lightly on the nose.

The doors automatically shifted apart, revealing an isolated, but also a warming and well-lit corridor, which Dan and Phil stepped into and headed over to their suite. After rummaging deep into his pocket, Phil eventually grabbed the shiny room keys and opened the door. Dan immediately ran straight to the bed and dived bombed into the several puffy creamy duvet covers. His body collapsed, relieved after their long day. Dan hadn't taken his shoes, but Phil, not seeming as tired as Dan, removed his shoes, then Dan's shoes off and placed them neatly by the door. "If I weren't so shattered, I would be kissing you right now." Dan murmured, his eye lids being defiant.

Phil, who was by the drawers, unpacking their things, pivoted his head round to Dan. "Get some sleep, you." Phil beamed. The younger boy pouted and rubbed his eye roughly, "fine, fine." He leant up off the soft bed and pulled his jet black Muse hoodie over his head as well as his plain, not-so-relevant, green t-shirt and stripped his navy jeans off, leaving him almost naked. Dan usually slept in just his boxers though. He crawled into the bed and didn't let his eyelids win until Phil was beside him.

Phil had wandered into the bathroom to brush his teeth and get ready for bed while Dan hadn't really moved. He just lied in bed, sinking in the cushiony pillow. After a minute, Phil lightly walked over to the double bed with a small, soft smile. His raven hair was brushed to perfection. He had grey and white spotty pyjamas bottoms on and no shirt. "Finally..." Dan mumbled, opening his arms out for Phil, gesturing him over.

"You didn't have to wait for me." Phil chuckled, spooned with Dan like 2 jigsaws piece.

"No, but I wanted to fall asleep with you next to me." Dan said, kissing Phil's head, then cuddled closer to Phil.

The next morning, Dan woke up to, surprisingly find Phil's pale back still there from last night. Normally Phil woke up and made breakfast, but then again, the two didn't normally drive down to London to see Muse live. "Philly." Dan spoke, half asleep, poking Phil's back.

Phil eventually stirred and rotated himself around to Dan, rubbing both his eyes lazily. Dan found it so adorable how sleepy and Phil appeared in the morning. Dan leaned over slightly to peck Phil's nose and beamed. "Morning.".

"Morning." Phil spoke, still adjusting himself after sleep. "I am too grateful to wake up next to you, gorgeous." Phil added.

"Ditto, sleeping beauty." The two giggled, then locked eyes for a moment. For one moment. Dan snaked out of bed and walked into the bathroom, up to the white, marble sink. He looked up at the cabinet mirror above sink and glared at his reflection. Dan never took much liking to his morning appearance. For a start, he wasn't a fan of his curly, hobbit hair that would usually be tamed; straightened and neat. His eyes weren't quite as attention grabbing as they would be. Phil. Phil disagreed. He found Dan sexy in the morning... And all the time.

Dan ran the tap with a royal blue ring symbol above and splashed the cold water into his face to wake him up. To let him know he isn't dreaming. That all of this has actually happened. That all of this IS happening.

Dan wasn't disappointed.

Fast forward to next year, 2009, Dan became a YouTube. He was a vlogger like Phil and his username was Danisnotonfire. They were starting to subscribers. Phil obviously had more considering he made his YouTube account before Dan, though Dan was getting there, very slowly. Things were not so different. Though Dan in one of Dan's videos, Phil slowly reached out his arms to wrap around Dan when Dan flinched and rejected. That was when Dan came across the realisation that he wasn't ready to come out to the internet. The camera continued to stare and mock him.

"Dan, what's wrong?" Phil asked, his icy blue eyes shining concern.

"I- I don't think I'm ready to come out just yet." Dan managed to whisper, anxious and paranoid as he watched the camera on its tripod.

Phil sighed, his face representing pure sadness, "right, okay, sorry.". Dan deleted that clip and started recording again, going along with the script which was s questionnaire of serious and random topics. Something just didn't feel right through the whole video. The space between; the air was nothing but unsettling, sadness, nothing they'd ever really experienced before.

6 months later, Dan had still not come out to the internet.

"Dan..." Phil's voice trembled as he interrupted the boy from reading. "Yeah?" Dan said, his hazelnut eyes looking up from the book.

"Are we together?".

Dan shut his book and rose up off the couch. "Of course, Phil, why are you-.".

"Then why are we a secret?" Phil asked, clenching his fists and trying his hardest to fight the tears away.

"Phil-.".

"Don't you 'Phil' me. We're either together or we're not.". Phil simply stated and stormed off into his bedroom before Dan could choke any words from his swollen throat. Phil's door shut as harsh as his words. Dan was left in the centre of the apartment living room, left to comprehend what was happening. Their first ever fight.

"Phil!" Dan called out, sprinting over to Phil's room. "I'm sorry, okay.". Dan pressed his cheek against the cold, light wooden door. The waterworks starting.

"I just need some time to myself." Phil told him. "I'll be okay soon.". But would Phil, Dan asked himself, because Dan knew for sure he isn't unless they talk about this. But a Phil wanted to be alone. To be isolated his room to figure out what was going on in his mind, and the least Dan could do was do what his boyfriend asked.

Dan leant up from Phil's door and walked into what use to be the spare bedroom, but now Dan's bedroom. He climbed into his Pokémon themed bed. All the emotions welled up inside of him, eating him alive, making him feel so weak. After several minutes his pillow was dampened with tears and Dan decided to crawl out of his cave and into the living room when he hesitated at the sight of Phil's door.

Before Dan couldn't really think, he called out to Phil "I love you", then bit his lip quite hard without realising, causing a tiny bead of blood to seep out. Dan then carried on with his short travel to the living room, to sit on the soft couch,

He held a peachy striped cushion to his chest, hugging tight and watched the blank the television screen. After several more unbearable minutes later, Phil quietly walked in.

"Hey." Phil said softly with a watery, weak smile. A smile that showed he was trying to be strong, but lacked the ability to convince Dan.

"Hey." Dan spoke, staring at Phil. Phil hovered over to the settee and slumped down. For once, he wasn't sat so close to Dan.

"I've been thinking, Dan, I've been thinking a lot and I think what we have have is special, no, perfect, but our friendship is invincible. You're not ready to come out and I guess I'm not either, but I don't like living a lie. I'm begging for you to understand. Can we be best friends?".

Kaput - there goes Dan's heart, shattered by the 'let's just be best friends and no more'. He was convinced he no longer had the ability to speak, maybe not even breathe.

"Y-yeah, okay. It take a while to get used to, but I'll try." Dan lied. What an exaggeration, it was going to take a lifetime or however long it felt for Dan to get over the damage.