The thoughts that I'm used to, rush in like a tidal wave. And new thoughts from today. I try to think of positive things and things that make me happy but I just can't. The thoughts are too strong.
You're not worth it.
You'll never be as talented as your dad.
You'll never be as amazing as your mom.
You'll never be a good person, look at you.
No wonder people leave you all the time.
No wonder people always make fun of you.
No wonder you have no friends.
No wonder.
You can't do anything right.
All you do is cause harm.
I can see why people never check up on you.
"Stop it," I whisper, with hot tears rushing down my face.
You're not your dad's favorite person.
He's lying.
You don't deserve parents like them.
You don't deserve Uncle Josh.
You don't deserve any of it.
"Go away," I whisper, a little louder. I wipe away my tears rapidly with my hand.
I reach over for my phone on my nightdesk and turn it on. I grab my earbuds and plug them into my phone.
I go on the music app and press shuffle.
Ode to sleep comes on.
I let my dad's lyrics flow through my ears. I let myself cry, as silently as possible.
My insomnia has gotten out of control lately. I haven't been able to sleep properly in weeks. I manage to hide that I'm tired in front of people but it always appears once I close my bedroom door. Tonight is one of those sleepless nights.
More tears rush down my face and I lay there, letting blurryface win.
I don't have enough strength to fight it tonight. And I haven't, for months.
I try the best that I can to help myself, help others but I'm always taken for granted. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being brush off, I'm so tired of it all. I just want to disappear for a few days and sort out things then return. But that won't happen. Ever.
The thoughts get stronger and it's even harder to tolerate it. I need help. I need someone.
What am I doing to myself?
I keep crying until I hear a sob come out of my mouth. I panic and cover my mouth quickly with my hand. Gosh, I hope my parents are asleep.
You need help.
You're clearly being defeated.
YOU ARE READING
Addict with a pen (A tøp fanfic)
FanfictionAbout 2 years after Tyler and Jenna joseph get married, they have their first child. They bring her home and raise her with lots of love. This is their daughter's story and her struggles. Catharsis suffers with depression and hides it very well. So...
