Trapdoor

Chapter 12

"I'm getting worse and I have a lesser chance of making it."

In those last few months I learned that I was good at breaking peoples hearts, maybe even pro. And the thought of that didn't settle with me well. I didn't want to hurt the people I loved, but I did it anyway.

"I think if it gets any worse I'm stopping treatment."

Dead. All eyes on me and all I see is shock. Shock that I was giving up, getting worse after doing so good. Well newsflash for them, shit happens.

"Have you told Josh?"

Funny how they automatically want to know how someone else feels about a thing that could potentially fuck up your life.

"I told him that I was getting worse, just not that I might end treatment."

Brendon sat there, no emotion showing whatsoever. "Good, cause you're not going to."

Anger swells in my chest. "What makes you think you have a say in it?"

"Cause I'm your best friend and if you die it won't ever be the same." He looked at me, hurt filling his eyes.

I swallow hard, the anger still caught in my chest, but guilt hitting me like a title wave. "I know it won't, I didn't expect it too."

"Tyler, you can't be serious." Patrick looks like he's about to cry, and I feel like the guilt is eating away at my insides.

"I'm sorry." I was letting them all down now and everything was crashing in around me.

"What about us?" Mark asked quietly.

"What about me? You're not the one who has to get treatment, lose your hair, feel like shit all the time. I am, I'm the one who is hurting the people around me and I can't do a damn thing about it. So what about me?" I asked, not just him, but all of them. "What about me?"

Maybe it was a bad idea to wake them up and tell them. Maybe it was a bad idea to have Josh wait downstairs for me to come back and lay with him. Maybe it was a bad idea to try and fight it.

I couldn't stand the silence in the room or the way they were looking at me with pity in their eyes.

I got up quickly and left the room, not saying another word to them. Ignoring Josh, I went for the front door. As soon as I got through the door I ran, I ran as fast as I could down the deserted street and ignored Josh's calls.

I didn't know why I had ran away, then again I didn't know a lot of things anymore. I just wanted this to stop, wanted things to be normal again, even if it did mean not having met Josh. I felt worse after thinking it, and the thing is I knew I meant it.

I didn't want to mean it, it made me question my feelings for him. Was it real, or was I just rushing into things because I was dying. Then I remembered the way I felt when I had talked to him all night the first day I knew him.

I had never felt that comfortable talking to a person before, it was easy. I felt like I didn't need to hide who I was. He made me feel safe. I knew I loved him.

I continued running, my lungs burning for air. I ran past the art store, the music shop, thrift shop. I finally stopped when I can across the park. The moon making it look like everything was glowing, the frost sparkled.

Breathing heavily, I walked over to a big oak tree. I laid down in the grass, looking up at the sky through the patchy leaves. I couldn't believe that I had just ran from my friends and my boyfriend.

But I didn't know what to do after I had snapped at Brendon. I didn't know what to tell Josh, I didn't want to tell him about my plans to stop treatment. Things where going so well too.

I was getting better and for some reason it started going downhill. Things fell apart all over again, leaving me in the dark as I tried to pick up the pieces. I was lost and I didn't know how to be found.

I started to shiver, my teeth chattering as I watched a start shoot across the sky. Making a wish, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I just wanted to forget about everything that was happening.

My toes where freezing, all I had were socks, on top of that I had no jacket. All I had was my hat, keeping what little heat I had left. I secretly hoped that I would freeze to death.

Drained of my energy, I let sleep take me, trying my best to forget the cold.
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A/N: damn this wasn't where u was going with this but shit happens.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll try to update it again soon (along with my other stories, if you read them as well.)

Stay street |-/