Trapdoor

Chapter 2

Today at school sucked. My friends, Patrick and Mark, where carful around me. They weren't joking around with me like normal. Its not like I'm brake able, I just have cancer.

Also the teachers kept sending me sympathetic looks, like I was a wounded puppy. It was really fucking annoying. I don't want people to think that about me. I'm still alive and just because I have cancer does not mean I need special treatment or sympathy from anyone.

Well one of my other friends, Brendon, treated me normally. He would joke around with me and he would playfully punch me in the arm. It made me feel normal, made me feel like I wasn't going to crumble if someone touched me.

So at lunch I sat by Brendon, with Patrick and Mark on the other side of the table. But I didn't eat, I was nervous for Tuesday. (Its Friday)

"We still hanging out this weekend?" Brendon picked at his food.

"Yeah, definitely." I nodded, pushing my tray away from me.

Patrick looked up at me. "Dude, what about Tuesday?"

"What about it?" I shoved my hands into my hoodie pockets.

"Well, I didn't think you wanted to still hang out because the whole... Thing." He looked like he was saying something forbidden.

"OK." I said as calmly as I could. "First off, last time I checked Tuesday wasn't the weekend. And Second off, I need to do things to take my mind off it. Just because I have cancer," Mark flinched at the word. "does not mean I can't do things."

Patrick nodded. "Sorry, Tyler. I'm just scared."

I laughed. "Your scared? How do you think I feel?"

"We're all scared, ok?" Mark put his fork down. "We just don't want anything bad to happen."

"Nothing bad is going to happen." Brendon sounded confident.

Brendon always said things like that when something bad was happening. It was his way of dealing with things. He never wanted anything bad to happen, then again who does?

Patrick thew his arms up."How do you know that?"

"I just do." Everyone looked at Brendon. "Come on guys, its Tyler, he can beat this."

"Guys, can we just not talk about it?" I looked around, serval people were staring."I don't really wanna discuss this right now."

Before Mark or Patrick could say anything, Brendon nodded. "Whatever you want, dude."

"Thank you."

For the rest of lunch, Brendon talked about this new band he found.

After school, me, Brendon, Patrick, and Mark went to my house. It wasn't small, but it wasn't big either. We always came to my house when we hung out, it was always my house

When we went inside, my mom looked surprised to see us. "Oh, nice to see you boys."

"Nice to see you too, Mrs. Joseph." Brendon smiled.

"I wasn't sure you boys were coming over this weekend." She moved aside so we could get to the stairs.

"Oh, if you don't wa-" I cut Patrick off.

"It's fine." I started up the stirs.

"Tyler." My mom called after me.

I ignored her callings, opened my bedroom door and fell onto my bed. Why can't she understand this is what I need? I just want to be treated normally for heavens sake.

Once everyone was in my room, I sat up and looked down at my shoes. I can beat this, right? They don't need to be worried. Its going to be ok and over with in a few months.

"You ok, Tyler?" Mark asked, taking me from my thoughts.

"Huh?" I looked up from my shoes. "Uh, yeah, I'm fine."

Patrick sat down beside me. "So, who're going to take with you to your chemo?"

I rubbed my eye. "I don't know yet, I was thinking of taking one of you guys, or Maddy."

"Well if its one of us, I can't." Brendon turned Mario Cart on. "I have work."

I took the other controller. Looking at the others. "What about you guys?"

"I can't, my dad wants me at the house." Mark wheeled around my room on my computer chair.

"I'm free." Patrick didn't even look up from his phone. "To bad Jenna doesnt live around here anymore."

"She wouldn't want to go anyway." I pressed start on my controller.

Brendon scuffed. "You know that's not true."

The race was already started, me in the lead as usual. "Why would she want to?"

"You and her may not be dating anymore, but she's still on of your best friends." Mark stopped spinning and looked at me.

I huffed. It was the second race already and Brendon was in last place. "You suck, Urie."

"Speaking of sucking." Brendon paused the game. "I met a cute guy the other day." He was probably the gayest out of all of us, not including Mark, he was straight. Yep, Me, Patrick, and Brendon were gay. Well, I'm bisexual.

"Cool."

"No, Patty, you don't understand. He was cute, but he came up to me."

"Don't wanna hear about your sex life." Mark pulled his phone out.

"Same here." I put my controller down.

Brendon frowned. "I didn't sleep with him. We just talked and we have a date later this week."

"Oh wow, Brendon actually wants to get to know the guy before he bangs him." I teased.

Patrick snorted. "That was great."

"Haha, very funny." He rolled his eyes.

We hung talked a few more hours before they crashed. We talked about what we where going to do when we get out of school, we just had 12th grade to go. It kinda bummed me out, because I might not be there, you know? I wanna be able to do all the things I had planed. I knew now, I wanted to live. I didn't want to die.

We also talked about some boys we liked. And about how there's a lot of cute guys at my hospital. Brendon even teased me about meeting a boy there. It would be nice. But I don't wanna met anyone. What if I die? I couldn't do that to anyone. But there's also the chance of them dying and I don't think I could deal with that.

That's the other thing we talked about. Me being sick. I answered their questions and explained to them how I was dealing with it, how I never cried about it. You didn't hear this from me, but Mark cried a little bit. But its ok to cry, Its a scary thing.

I'm going to go to bed now. I'll write more after my chemotherapy.