Sacrifice (#Wattys2016)

Chapter 10

Title: Sacrifice

Relationship: Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)

Author: ArshuK

Beta: Lowiiie

CHAPTER 10

It has been four weeks since her fight with Lexa. She does not know how she has done it, but she has successfully ended up in bed before her, and left before Lexa had even stirred herself awake. There are no more roses to comfort her when she rises. The ones in the vase are dying slowly.

The city has been quiet, uneventful. So there has been no need for feasts, and no meetings between them. Lexa has not even required Clarke to be with her during public sessions. She has actually sent her away to do other activities, mainly working on her fight stances. Clarke has been very busy learning about the grounder culture and customs as well as the know how of becoming a leader from the Fire Heda, Norma, whenever she pays a visit - which is a lot. As it turns out, during time of peace, most leaders prefer to stay near the Commander or at least report to her twice a month.

Now Clarke awakens alone, and cold. She did not feel Lexa's absence before, but these days it rings every time she opens her eyes, panting in fear. Octavia and Judith come running in a moment after she stirs and calm her down, giving her water, and telling her that everything is going to be alright. Clarke knows better.

When she wakes up, her vision always focuses on the empty bedside table first, on the spot where laid a flower that used to ease her pain. She is informed that, until her nightmares are under control, she does not need to attend the formal gatherings and sessions with the Heda. She wants to argue but the terrible headache that greets her each day stops her from doing so. Furthermore, she doubts she can manage to make it throughout the entire duration of those meetings without some lack of attention, not after the daily training she has to participate in from dawn to sunset. However, that doesn't stop her from feeling terribly useless and quite alone.

These four weeks have been hard on Clarke, and the absence of her wife is actually pressing down on her heart. She knows it is her own fault; she has pushed her away so much that she should not be surprised, but Lexa's lack of fight makes her wonder if she even wished she loved Lexa, a foolish thought indeed. Lexa's absence is felt every morning. Her coldness washes over Clarke at night.

Is this the married life she signed up for? A woman who will not look at her and endless silence? Lexa has been so honest, kind and wonderful. Clarke could feel her affections deep into her soul. Everything Lexa has said up till now has rung true in her heart, and now...now there is nothing. Lexa allows nothing. She does not even dine with her. The servants note their Heda's lack of presence. Clarke should talk to Luna or Norma, to get this sorted. She knows those two are as close as confidants Lexa has, other than Indra...but she doubts Indra would be of any help if she keeps on glaring at her like she wants nothing but to rip her head off her body. Clarke does not know when or how or even why she had gotten into Octavia's mentor's bad books. However she can guess; she does know that Indra is an observant warrior and shadows Lexa everywhere...Lexa might have said or done something that might have given Indra a clue about Clarke's behaviour towards her Heda.

Clarke sighs. She knows Luna's presence in Polis isn't to help her out but Norma's is. And truth be told, Clarke prefers Norma to Luna. Her wise words have helped and soothed her in the past. In addition, her disagreements with Lexa remind Clarke that the leader is not a puppet to her clan and knows how to form and deliver her opinions well.

The Fire Queen is in her chambers when Clarke knocks. Norma opens the door and smiles as her eyes lay on the young leader. She lets Clarke in and immediately wraps her in a hug.