Sacrifice (#Wattys2016)

Chapter 15

Relationship: Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)

Author: ArshuK

Beta: Lowiiie

CHAPTER 15
Raven feels as if her mind is spinning. Her conversation with Clarke is replaying itself in a loop. She shakes her head to stop these thoughts. She cannot believe the change that has come to her friend. She has not only stopped disliking the grounders but has even fallen in love with their leader. But she also cannot deny that she has never seen her friend this much appeased.

"Raven?" A voice interrupts her meanderings.

The mechanic looks up to see Octavia standing over her with a bow in her hand. She is wearing a grounder attire, which funnily fits her and makes one assume that she really is one of them.

"Hey, Octavia." Raven greets in a sigh, not entirely managing to stir her mind away from Clarke and composing a neutral face.

"Why that face? You look troubled." Octavia says sitting next to her after setting the bow on the marble floor. Raven keeps her eyes on the weapon.
"Raven?" She asks again.
The girl in question shakes her head again; her line of sight fixates on the brilliant marble of the castle. She can see that the artwork of a master builder in the stone, even though it has become very old and unclear. Despite its age, the castle is something of a beauty. She even sees carvings of the dragons in the high towers. She notices on one of the pillars that there seems to have been sculpted a harsh battle scene between two warriors - they seem to be attacking one another. Her eyes rank down the sculpture, one warrior stands tall, only one can be the victor.
"A lot's on my mind." Raven admits.
Octavia bites her lip. She can only imagine what Raven and Clarke talked about.
"Would you like to talk about it?" Octavia says with hesitation, after all she is not one of those people who like to talk about emotions and feelings. She knows Raven isn't either but it is clear to her that Raven needs some support at the moment. She has never seen any trace of confusion on the other girl's face and right now her face is filled with it.
Raven turns her head and opens her mouth only to be beaten by Octavia at it.
"Yes, I know how you function Raven. You don't want to talk about it but I think you need to and I promise I won't mention this again."
"Ever?"
"Ever." Octavia says smiling.
Raven takes a deep breath before asking bluntly,
"O, what do you think of Clarke?"
Octavia's eyes widen at the question before she realizes what exactly Raven is asking. They soften considerably as she says.
"Are you referring to her relationship with the Commander?"
Raven eyes her, her head in her hands. Octavia holds back a giggle. She looks like a pouting girl who was denied a toy. She never knew Clarke's affections for the Commander would receive such a reaction from Raven. She never acted in such a way when Clarke was with Bellamy.
"Yes, I don't understand what has changed in such a short time. Clarke tried to convince me that Lexa is a good person. When I adamantly refused to believe her she told me I was being ridiculous and calling me an idiot. She rode away as fast as possible, I never knew she was so fast on a horse, honestly I couldn't even catch up to her."
Octavia thinks for a moment, her eyes lingering on the brunette. She is a great person, but she will never be able to see grounders equally as the Sky People. She will never be able to see the good in Lexa after she had witnessed her in the battlefield defending her people and chopping off the heads of the Sky People in the process.
"She really is a good person, Raven." Octavia defends.
The mechanic may have whiplash from the way her head snaps towards her, her eyes wide and disbelieving.
"You too Octavia!? What have I missed? The Commander I know is a monster!"
Octavia shakes her head. She bites her lip. Until a few months ago she shared her friend's sentiment about The Commander of the Blood, but her thoughts have changed since. The time she has spent here she has watched Clarke's wife closely. She has come to observe her to be a self-sacrificing woman. Lexa believed she would be doomed to a life of loneliness because of Clarke's affections for Bellamy and yet she respected Clarke every second of the way. Octavia is happy Clarke has finally accepted Lexa...even if the timing is off.
"You don't mean that, Raven. You saw how she was at the feast last night and how she graciously accepted defeat from you. She has her moments Raven, but everyone does. I think you cannot judge her for one outburst of power. None of us are perfect."
"I am perfect." Raven proudly states, straightening up and puffing her chest in a mock show of confidence.
"Your name isn't Octavia, Raven but neither it is Lexa's so my point stands." Octavia counters in the same manner.
They both laugh loudly. Both had missed each other but Raven could see it in Octavia's eyes that she was happy here, content.
"I do know you mean. Your points are valid, O. I guess I should be more shocked than anything. I mean she has been in love with your brother for so long...and now here she is head over heels for a person like...Lexa."
Octavia shakes her head sadly but declares with conviction.
"I questioned her sincerity as well Raven, but I have seen them. I wouldn't have believed if I hadn't witnessed what that Commander has done for Clarke. The things she has told me...the pledges...the promises. She really is a self sacrificing individual, and she really loves Clarke."
Raven eyes her. Her words were so soft.
"Polis really had quite an impact on you, huh? It has made you wise."
"Hey! I was always wise." Octavia exclaims giving a little push on Raven's shoulder.
Raven rolls her eyes as she swats her hand but concedes.
"Alright wiser than before then?"
"I have found the place I belong to, Raven." Octavia whispers, sobered up from the banter from the sincerity and truth of her statement.
"I am happy for you, Octavia." Raven genuinely says patting her friend's back.
....
Clarke enters her room in a huff. She is so out of sorts she actually slams the door in poor Judith's face. When she realizes what she has done, she turns around and quickly throws the door open.
"Judith, I am so sorry!" Clarke apologizes in a hurry.
The servant just laughs as she enters, locking the wooden mass behind her.
"It's alright, Hedatu, you seem stressed."
Clarke huffs.
"I hate talking to my sister sometimes. She is such a one note. She can never see the other side of things." Clarke grumbles to herself as she enters the room further, walking around unsettled by sheer frustration.
"You have a sister, Hedatu?" Judith asks, curious, her Heda never having mentioned Clarke's family apart from her mother.
"Huh? No." Clarke stops her pacing as she remembers poor Judith came in with her. First the door, now ignorance. Poor Judith indeed.
"You said Raven is your sister." The handmaiden formulates to help her Hedatu with her trail of thoughts.
"She is but not biological." Clarke explains as an afterthought.
Judith gives her a quizzical look but nods nonetheless.
"The other side of what things?"
Both women turn to look up at Lexa as she comes out of the armory, having deposited her weapons back to the specific shelves. Lexa nods in Judith's direction. The handmaiden understands the signal, and leaves immediately.
"Lexa, what are you doing here? Weren't you supposed to go hunting with Gwaine today?"
Lexa suddenly grabs Clarke around the waist, who squeaks in surprise. She brings the blonde close and kisses her neck.
"I don't know, was I?"
Lexa's breath feels hot against her skin. Clarke shivers against her will and she feels the smirk on Lexa's lips against her skin as she lightly bites her neck.
Clarke channels all her will power and pulls back. A small frown forms on Lexa's face at the action but it quickly disappears as she feels the blonde haired beauty intertwine her hand with hers and pull her to her as she starts walking towards the door of the room.
...
Lexa is chasing Clarke through the field Clarke has brought them to. She is laughing happily as her fingers feel the petals and the wind blows through her hair.
"Clarke, come here!" Lexa calls her wife over.
"Why? Can't catch up Heda?" Clarke teases, laughing and still running. It doesn't look like she will turn around or slow down whatsoever.
Lexa picks up speed, Clarke laughs harder. She looks behind her and her eyes scrunch up when she realizes Lexa is not there running after her anymore. Her feet slow slightly before she feels herself being lifted off the ground. Lexa had come from behind the statues.
"Got you!"
Clarke laughs as Lexa spins her; her light humor is welcome. Lexa's lips ghost over Clarke's neck, the Commander's nose breathing in the delectable strawberries smell of the Sky Heda's hair, her ears enjoying the delightful melody of the blonde's laughter. She is happy to be the cause of such sweet sound.
They spin until Lexa's legs give out and they fall into the grass, both laughing uncontrollably, drunk on love and happiness at being carefree, together, even for a short moment. She rolls over to Clarke's side, whose head is propped up on her hand, her other hand ghosting over Lexa's black shirt. It moves over the black attire untying the shirt as her hands move behind Lexa's neck. She then moves them and up Lexa's side, down her arm. Clarke's eyes keep on darkening as more and more skin is exposed.
"This is surreal Clarke." Lexa breathes out.
Hedatu tilts her head, confused.
"What is?"
Lexa loves Clarke's soft fingers. She loves watching them connect with hers. She loves the feel of the spark as she touches Clarke's skin.
"You. Me. Us. I would never have dreamt this would happen when you got here. I know we have not had enough time to talk in the last two days. I feel as if we've spent more time in the throes of passion than talking."
Clarke moves her fingers up Lexa's arm. They roam over her shoulder and end up funning over her breasts, Lexa's body only separated from her by Clarke's pure white tunic. A wicked smile has come to Clarke's lips. Her eyes flash up to Lexa's, dark engulfing her pupils.
"I do not mind."
Clarke brings Lexa's hand to her mouth. She softly kisses her wrist, her teeth grazing the scar where the wedding band had been tied around. Lexa smiles at the gesture. Lexa's fingers run up and under Clarke's tunic, playing with the small amount of skin between her belt and her trousers. Clarke watches amusedly the battle playing in Lexa's eyes. She knows her wife wants to discard her white tunic there and then but she is controlling her urges.
"I know Clarke, I just feel as if our relationship shifted so dramatically. We went from a few conversations to finding each other at every spare moment. Much has happened in the last few days."
Clarke nods in agreement. Her eyes are dark, desiring. She loves to hear her name in Lexa's voice. I like it even better when she is moaning my name...
"I wouldn't disagree with you, Lexa. I feel as if we fell into bed rather quickly, we even flirt now," Lexa blushes, Clarke smiles, "but I believe that is what happens when two people fall for each other. We made love Lexa. We didn't simply have sex or fuck each other. I've never felt this connected to anyone ever." Clarke says sincerely, holding Lexa's gaze for her to see the truth in her eyes, while still playing softly with her hand.
Lexa cannot help the smile that takes residency on her face. Her fingers brush over Clarke's cheek.
"We made love..."
Clarke stares her in the eye still. Lexa can feel her wandering fingers on her, and the nimble digits are pulling at the buttons on her trousers. The Commander can't take it any longer. She moves up, pulling a chuckling Clarke up with her and straddles her. Her hands move to the helm of Clarke's tunic and pull it up, finally discarding the offensive garment. She does the same with Clarke's bra while the blonde beauty busies herself with planting kisses from Lexa's killer jaw line to her neck and down to her soft breasts. Just when Clarke is about to take one of those beautiful, pouty nipples in her sinful mouth, her face is tilted upwards, urgently yet gently, and soft lips connect with hers. The kiss, however, is anything but soft. It's rough and demanding and it takes Clarke by surprise. She has found Lexa to be a tender lover but this dominant side of Lexa challenges Clarke and she responds just as enthusiastically. She pushes her tongue in Lexa's mouth and hears Lexa gasp in surprise. A growl resonates in her throat and she pushes Lexa down on the ground and quickly frees her of her trousers. Those green eyes that she is in love with are gone and now black has engulfed them.
"Take them off too." Lexa says, her eyes pointing at Clarke's pants. Clarke wants to tease her but the sight of her delectable naked wife waiting for her is enough to ignore the teasing for now. Lexa isn't kissing her but her gaze is so strong that Clarke's body just reacts. She feels her temperature rise up as her skin reconnects with Lexa's. Lexa resumes kissing those plump lips and gasps when she feels Clarke's hands move south and part her slit. Lexa's hips move on their own accord.
Clarke smirks and corrects,
"Making love..."
...
Lexa is tied up. Her smirk is sinister. A small worm gets pushed into the back of Lexa's neck. She screams out, her eyes are murderous.
She is on a boat, floating along while Raven lies unconscious at her feet. She looks back to the shore. Lexa is staring at her, a longing in her eyes.
She is on a boat again, but it is different. It is just her, Raven and Octavia. Octavia is on her lap, tears streaming down her face and Raven whispers words to her that she cannot hear.
She stares at Lexa's lifeless body. She is crying silent tears. She wants to save her...
...
Clarke wakes up in a cold sweat, her hand coming to her chest. When she looks up Lexa is hunched over her, her hand running soothing circles over her neck. She reaches desperately for Lexa, her face burying itself in her neck; her musky earthy does not calm her this morning. She cries, for what feels like eternity. She does not know that the door is open but Lexa does as she sees Norma walking towards them from the hallway. Lexa gives her a look, and the Fire Queen nods and silently shuts the door of her Heda and Hedatu's room.
"Clarke, my love, was it a bad one tonight?"
Her wife hiccups and gives her a watery look.
"There was so much sadness...so much death...yours...Raven's...it is unbearable!"
Lexa rubs her back. She gives Clarke a kiss at the crown of her golden hair. Clarke cries harder, her body shaking violently. Lexa holds her close, sending words of love to her wife, peppering kisses over her cheek and ear. Clarke's hands come up under Lexa's arms and grab for her hair. She fists her scalp, the soft locks giving her a calming feeling. Lexa moves back to look at her. She moves one hand to Lexa's front and runs her fingers over her sharp cheek. Lexa kisses her fingertips.
"You've had this same dream for the last two nights." Lexa states and Clarke nods her head, doe eyed and frightened.
"My dreams have become more vivid since Raven and the rest of them have come." Clarke explains in a trembling breath from a chest wrecked by remaining sobs.
The Sky People had been in Polis for five days, and Clarke has avoided Bellamy like the plague. She does not want to hurt him, but her lack of interaction with the man stems from deeper fears...like she will fall off the wagon. She does not desire Bellamy, but her homesickness could drive her to do improper things. She wishes to stay away from temptation for her and Lexa's sake. Mind you, her wife has made the task very easy.
Every night, morning, moment she has with her, she always finds her temperature spike while her wife's talented fingers and tongue please her in deep soul wrenching ways. Lexa wakes her sometimes, peppering kisses on her neck, or rubbing soothing circles on her stomach and hips to keep the nightmares away. The beautiful roses have returned too.
"They are leaving tomorrow, it is alright Clarke. We will all be alright."
She looks up at Lexa, her fingers run over her cheek.
"I love you my wife."
Lexa brings her close, her nose burying itself in Clarke's neck.
"I love you so much my wife."
Lexa wipes a few stray tears from Clarke's eyes. She hates the awful dreams her love has, how they are getting more terrible as the days go on. She stares at the wall, her mind shifting back and forth. Norma has been acting strangely, she is not telling her something and she knows it has to do with Clarke's visions. The Fire Queen has not made an incorrect choice yet, which is why she is allowing her the luxury of silence, but not for much longer. She does not like to see her wife in such a state, and she will demand Norma helps sooner or later. There is a soft knock at the door. Clarke looks up at Lexa who gives her a soft kiss in reassurance.
"Enter." Her voice is but a whisper as she speaks.
Indra enters. Her steps are cautious and Lexa detects that she has been told of the matter at hand. Clarke buries her face in Lexa's neck and Lexa strokes her hair. Clarke does not want to get up and face the world. She wants to stay here, in their bed, with the woman she loves. She snuggles into Lexa's side, the world be damned.
"Heda, you need to get up now." Indra says carefully.
Clarke snuggles into Lexa further, her wife's arms tightening around her. Lexa knows she must get up and attend her meetings...but she hates to leave Clarke in such a state.
"Clarke, my love, we must get up. I have a meeting with Finn to discuss about a visit to Arkadia. Wouldn't you like that Hedatu? To visit your old home for a while?" Lexa addresses her wife tenderly as not to startle her.
Clarke shakes her head.
"I want my dreams to stop. They are starting to hurt again." Clarke whimpers in the safety of Lexa's body.
Lexa rubs her back soothingly. She kisses her hair and whispers softly in her ear. Octavia has entered the room some time before, Lexa had seen her but made no comment. But when she comes up behind Clarke, a pleading look is passed between the Commander and Indra's second. Octavia puts a hand out to touch Clarke's arm.
"Clarke, please wake up. I know you had a sucky night but wouldn't you want to meet Raven and the others one more time before they leave? You know, check that Raven doesn't plan to explode any bombs as well?"
Clarke turns her head towards her friend.
"That was lame."
Octavia sends her a small smile and says,
"There is no pleasing some people."
Clarke sends her a small smile and looks back at her wife who is now dressed up. She walks towards Clarke and wipes away a few of her tears. Clarke leans up to kiss her softly before pulling away. A robe is given to Clarke and Octavia turns around as Clarke puts it on. She sighs in relief as Clarke moves towards her bath chambers to take a bath. Lexa gives her a grateful nod and Octavia nods right back. Indra calls her next, for whatever bidding she wanted her to do.
After Octavia is gone, Indra moves closer to her Commander and whispers,
"Her dreams are getting worse, aren't they Lexa?"
Lexa already knows that Indra is talking to her as a friend and not her subordinate even without the use of her title. She also decides to let down her walls for her friend. She trusts Indra with her life. Anya was her second after all, before becoming her mentor.
"I don't know what to do Indra...when she is so clingy in the morning I know the visions were particularly horrific or heartbreaking the night before. The worst part is she looks so scared, so lost. I want to help her so badly, but what else can I do? I thought physical exertion would help; it had helped me. The first night I woke up with her she was fine, but it has been increasingly worse. I just don't want her to be in pain."
Indra sits on the side of Lexa's bed. The action again a reminder that her friend was here with her, not her subject.
"I know you love her and wish to save her from being hurt, but we cannot run away from pain. No matter how much you help her, she will have struggles. The only thing you can do is love her and give her comfort in times like these. Come now, there is not much we can do for the Hedatu, and you have to meet the Sky People. You need to stay strong for both your sakes, Lexa."
Lexa nods. Her mind running back to her mentor wishing the woman was here today, giving her advice.
Lexa, even the strongest warriors are weak. They will be fragile creatures and be needed to be treated like fine glass by the people that they truly love because they can only open up completely to them...no not the way you treat them ya banwada...no Lexa, not every woman will find you irresistible. I'm telling you for your own good, when you finally grow up you will need to be gentle with your wife, know when to be soft and loving as well as when to be strong and authoritative, because if you are to lead our people someday, you will need to be strong too. But know that the worst is having a scared partner; your attention will be divided. If she is in fear, you must hold her and let her cry. Sometimes the best remedy is just having your presence close.
Lexa smiles to herself, even in death Anya's words sing true. She looks at her warrior, her friend, suddenly very grateful to have Indra around. She may not be Anya but she is insightful and always willing to help, she is beyond grateful for this.
"You are a good friend Indra, thank you."
The older woman smiles her rare smile and small wrinkles form around her eyes, giving her an air of wisdom.
"You are a good woman, Lexa. An even better leader. I am happy you have found a wife you can love so, you deserve happiness as well, Lexa...especially after all you've been through."
Lexa looks longingly at the bath chambers. Indra looks at her Commander pensively, knowing where her thoughts have probably lingered.
"You have not talked to her about Costia yet, have you?"
The young Commander's eyes settle back on her warrior. It is not fair how well she can read her mind sometimes.
"In time I will. It is not a pleasant story, but one she deserves to know."
"Probably best once the Sky People have left." Indra says with clear disapproval in her voice.
Lexa chuckles.
"Probably."
Lexa and Indra exchange a nod and Indra leaves. Lexa disappears for a moment from the room and when she returns, she makes her way directly to the bath chambers. Once she enters, she finds Clarke sitting on the wooden seat attached to the bathtub, wearing only pants and running her hands through the soap and making shapes in the water. Her soft locks are piled high upon her head showing off her elegant neck.
"Clarke."
Clarke shakes herself from her daydreams to look up, and is met with a wonderful sight. Her wife stands before her in her magnificent Commander attire but this is not what makes her light up though. It is the beautiful rose she places before her. Clarke takes the flower and brings it to her nose, inhaling the intoxicating scent. A radiant smile takes its place upon her lips and Lexa returns the sentiment.
"Thank you Heda." Clarke says adoringly while taking one of Lexa's hands.
"You are welcome Hedatu." Lexa replies squeezing softly said hand.
Lexa brings the hand to her lips and kisses her fingers, then her wrist and finally bends over to cradle her wife's neck, bringing her face to hers and their mouths meet in the softest kiss. It is calming, soothing, the Commander has quickly come to understand her bride. Clarke brings a soapy hand up to Lexa's cheek smearing the bubbles over her cheek, they both laugh. Lexa gets up, grabs a towel and wipes her face.
"I will see you later my love. I have to go meet your friends."
...
"Finn of the Sky People! My apologies for being late, I had a late morning." Lexa declares as she steps inside the meeting room.
The Sky person nods. They have not talked much since the first day. He has found himself distracted with the sights and scenes of Polis. It is indeed a remarkable city.
"It is okay. I have been distracted myself." He dismisses, then adds to relieve some of the tension he felt wile waiting for the leader, "I've watched some of your warriors trains, Commander. And I must say that I am rather impressed with one. Gwaine is remarkable with a sword. It is quite a sight to see."
Lexa smiles at the praises for the warrior and friend.
"He is the leader of the Stone clan, and he is too skilled I fear. The man could take on ten men at once, and I wish that was an exaggeration but I've actually seen him pull it off." Lexa explains, keeping a conversational tone. There's no harm in bragging while informing the Sky boy.
"He has been trained since a child, I presume?"
The Commander shakes her head.
"His parents were farmers so he hadn't held a sword till he turned 12 winters."
Finn's eyes widen.
"There are people who are not warriors in Polis?" Finn enquires in utter disbelief.
"Yes, of course. Being a warrior and fighting for your people is an honor but it's a choice too. We have people from all walks of life in Polis and in my 12 clans." Lexa continues with the explanation as if Polis' way of life wasn't self-explanatory.
Finn shakes his head in reverence.
"I am surprised. I believed all of the Grounders were warriors." Clearly not self-explanatory.
"No, I have a lot of warriors, especially in Polis but not all. I remember Clarke was also surprised with the knowledge." Lexa discloses.
After a while Finn admits,
"I have never seen her happier, Heda. Thank you for taking care of her. She has a hard heart to win. I applaud you for overcoming her reservations so quickly."
Lexa smiles from the unexpected confidence and feels blood rushing to her cheeks. She turns her head away from Finn so he doesn't notice the blush. She might be on friendly terms with most of the Skayon but she was still the Commander. She had already blurred the lines of acceptable etiquette with Raven. She couldn't let the boy see how talking about Clarke affected her as well.
"Finn, I was actually hoping we could visit Arkadia. I believe Clarke would love to see her mother and her old home again. She needs a break from Polis and her duties." She informs as she regains composure.
Finn smiles brightly at the prospect of the couple visiting.
"I think that would be more than welcomed. What if you come after two months and stay for a month? I know it's a long time for you to be away from Polis, but I believe you are a leader who has great loyalty from her people."
Lexa smiles at the enthusiasm and kindness she's shown.
"My warriors and fellow leaders know the importance of peace. They work well to maintain it. Have even started working harder since Clarke married me."
"Clarke?" Finn asks, surprised by the mention of Clarke.
"Yes, she was born to lead Finn. She has been studying vigorously to learn all our customs and laws, she has ruled fairly and strongly. She has reviewed all the Hedas of the clans, making sure they are abiding the laws made at Polis. She has been wonderful."
Finn smiles in approval. He obviously knew Clarke had leadership qualities but it brought great joy to his heart hearing that she got to use her abilities to their level best here in Polis.
...
Clarke is walking with Octavia down the castle stairs towards the grounds but, unlike her usual self, Octavia is very quiet today.
"O, what is wrong?"
The young girl shakes her head and attempts to send her friend a small smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.
"Nothing Clarke." Octavia replies, trying to appear detached, unconcerned.
Clarke eyes her friend; her nose scrunches up.
"You're lying." Clarke states flatly.
Octavia looks down sheepishly, twiddling her thumbs.
"Lincoln is to leave today and go to Arkadia for a few days so he can teach them about herbs with medicinal properties found on Earth..."
"You mean you want to spend one more day with him before he leaves?" Clarke smirks, seeing right through her friend.
Octavia sighs - she really cannot get anything past her friend lately.
"You are becoming too good at your observations Clarke."
"Don't forget my hunting and combat skills!" Clarke claims proudly, her smirk widening.
Octavia shakes her head, a genuine smile finally making its way onto her features.
"Go, I'll tell Lexa to let Indra spare you for today. I can handle a day alone, besides I feel like going for a ride today." Clarke says in an offhand manner.
Octavia looks at her skeptically.
"Are you sure?"
"I am beyond sure. Now go and enjoy your last day with Lincoln."
"I sure will. A fair warning, don't come near my room today."
Clarke groans and says, "I did not need to hear that."
Octavia chuckles as she walks away from her friend.
...
She is walking down the grass towards the stables, the breeze is blowing her hair, and the sun keeps bouncing off the jewel that she is wearing around her neck. She remembers that it was a gift from the Heda of the Desert Clan, one who she still has to meet. She remembers the gift Lexa had given her - a dagger - she recalls the kiss she had shared with her after slapping her. She recalls how tender...
"Clarke?" A voice calls out.
Her ears burning, the Hedatu takes a deep breath. She slowly turns and feels her body freeze. Her lip trembles slightly at the sight of him.
"Bellamy?" Clarke is taken aback to find him here. She didn't say to anyone where she was going, except Octavia. Did she tell on her? Or has he been following her?
The man walks towards her, his eyes are soft, almost sad. He stands back from her, an appropriate distance between a warrior and the Hedatu. A distance he never knew he would have to keep with Clarke.
"You have been avoiding me." He says matter of factly.
Her eyes betray her when he speaks. She moves to respond, her lips quiver, her eyes close as her head shakes, the meeting she has dreaded coming to boil.
"Bellamy-" She tries but he cuts her off.
"It is alright Clarke, I understand."
Her eyes are soft. She looks away, the weight of her sins falling on her shoulders in the face of the one she feels like she betrayed.
"I don't think you do."
"Well I would like to. We have told each other everything in these last two years. Now after three months of silence I come to see you and you have not even spared a moment for me. I must have missed a lot in these last few months."
She can't look at him, can't face what she has done to this man. He is so kind, so understanding, so respectful...and her words will take away the magnificent spark in his eyes.
"You will hate me when I tell you."
Bellamy laughs merrily. He doesn't seem to know what is truly going on here.
"Nothing could make me hate you. Besides, the other day I was almost killed by two wolves controlled by a leash by the warriors. They even pronounced me as an enemy of the Commander." Bellamy tries to joke.
The Commander. Her mind runs to her wife, so wonderful, so beautiful. She looks towards Bellamy again, she must be strong here, and she must focus on her inner power. She takes a deep breath as her eyes bore into his.
"I love my wife."
There, she has said it and the feeling of guilt pushes down upon her shoulders. Bellamy looks at her in shock. His eyes are wide and disbelieving. The silence is unbearable.
"You are joking, right?"
She gulps and then shakes her head. She wills herself to stay strong and complete what she started. Complete breaking the heart of the man she once loved but she is helpless. Lexa claimed her heart without her consent. Love doesn't ask for consent.
"I am not. I am so sorry Bell. I don't know how it happened. For that first month I thought of you every day, dreaming of you, wishing you were here." Her lips tremble, "I wanted to be with you again. My heart was so torn without you around...but since I came here, I've spent so much time with Lexa. We've talked, laughed. She has shown me respect that I once received only from you. She somehow found a way to bleed into my soul and consume me in ways I have never felt before."
She takes a breath, she can see his strength cracking, small tears are gathering at the corners of his eyes. Her strong, brave champion, for a moment Clarke hates herself.
"Bellamy I am so, so, sorry...I feel I threw our love away when I decided to give Lexa a chance. But what's done is done and I need you to please understand that it does not make the feelings I had for you any less real. I did love you...I loved you for two years..." this part is hard on the Hedatu's heart, "But I have decided to stop, to give my heart fully to my wife, to love her with my whole being. What we had was real and special, but what I have now is everlasting. Please, I am begging you, don't hate me. I will not be able to handle your hate, Bell."
She is sobbing. Her hands come up to hide her shame. Bellamy is an iron statue. Her words washing over him like a tidal wave. There were many things he had braced himself for when he decided to come here...Clarke giving her heart to the Commander was not one of them. He doesn't know what to say in this moment, how to act. Feeling slowly makes way to Octavia's brother's fingertips; his tears are like rivets running down his cheeks. His hand shoots out to grab the Hedatu and pull her into his arms, for what will be the last time. Clarke clings to him, her tears flowing over his jacket, her sorrow taking over her. Bellamy's hand comes up to rub at her back, his fingertips making their way into her long blonde locks. The soft threads reminding him of what he will never have again. The man summons up his courage, his honor, before he speaks,
"It's okay Hedatu. You have found new love, you are happy. I am sorry the love we had has caused you so much distress."
Hedatu. Bellamy's use her title instead of her name hits her heart like a spasm, like an icicle plunging deep and taking no prisoner. But she knows she deserves at least some magnitude of the pain he is feeling. She is the cause of it and a part of her thinks she made it worse by waiting the very last moment to speak up, by letting Bellamy be the one to come to her when it was her cross to bear. She had avoided him, hid from the inevitable conversation. But she reasons with herself that the outcome wouldn't have changed; Bellamy would still be the one left with a broken heart.
His voice cracks as he finishes his sentence causing Clarke to pull back from the sound, her hands coming to hold his face. He has a small scruff, which scratches her palms, a feeling she used to love, and the memory she cherishes.
"Bell, don't say that. I loved what we had. I don't want to lose you Bellamy, I understand if I must but I will always love you as a friend. I hope when I come to Arkadia again you will receive me in a friendly manner with no bad blood between us. I hope the story of us doesn't end here."
Bellamy smiles through his tears. The once mighty soldier is now a broken mess.
"I will look forward to your visit, Hedatu."
He kisses her temple, she cries more. The moment is sad. Closure is never easy. Their bodies are pressed together, the intimacy that was once loved now is just a fleeting moment...
"Clarke!"

AN: Exams from tomorrow, wish me luck!

ELIZA TAYLOR KNOWS HER GAME. JUST WHEN PEOPLE WERE LETTING GO OF JASON AND CLEXA, SHE POSTED A PIC WITH ALYCIA AND HER HOLDING A FREAKING CANDLE! I swear, this girl has a secret tumblr account and reads sees all the posts under the clexa tag. I love the elycia friendship bond they share! :)

Now, feedbacks? Who caught them guys? Lexa? Norma? Indra? Raven? Octavia? Who? ;)

-ArshuSyed

(Goldenchild)