I woke up in the morning feeling quite dizzy. I rested a hand on my head and winced as a pain shot through my wrist. I looked to see the cut that had already started to scar. I felt ashamed at what i had done but at the same time relaxed as it had made me feel better at the time. I simply sighed and got out of bed to search for something to cover them. I ended up finding several thick bracelets that covered my wrist completely.
After the routine of getting changed, washed, ready and breakfast, I was once again on to road to meeting Josh at the bus stop. He was already there waiting for me as usual.
"Morning beautiful." He greeted me leaning forward to give me a hug. Our faces were inches apart which made the memories of last night with Dre flood my thoughts. I shuddered and took a step back. Josh looked confused.
"Lauren, are you ok?" He asked concerned.
I remembered the smell of smoke In Dre's room and his raspy voice when he spoke to me. Josh's words made me come back down to earth and I shook my head and faked a smile. "Yeah I'm fine."
"Are you sure? You look li..."
"Here's our bus!" I interrupted him, not wanting to explain everything.
I searched for my pass, swiped it and took a seat at the back. Josh came and sat down next to me. I gazed out the window awkwardly even though I could feel his eyes on me.
"Lauren..." He started.
I faked another smile. "Yeah."
"What's wrong?" He still looked concerned.
"Nothing's wrong. I'm completely fine. Really I am"
He opened his mouth to reply but I interrupted him again. "Do we have any exams today? I can't remember is we did of not?" I wanted to move on from his questions.
"No we dont."
I could still feel his eyes watching me.
I turned round to face him.
"You know you can talk to me. If there's something wrong. Anything. I'm always here. You know that right?"
"Yeah, thanks." I was eager to tell him but I was too embarrassed. I quickly pecked him on the cheek to show my appreciation. Our hands locked together as we both listened to music on the way to school.
*******Josh's POV******
There was something up with Lauren. She didn't seem herself, I could tell. It seemed as if she didn't want to tell me. Does she not trust me? I'm panicking. What if she's having second thoughts on us? She doesn't seem to make conversation or much eye contact. No, I'm just over thinking things, I think.
******Lauren's POV******
I was in a really depressing mood. Negative memories and thoughts flooded my mind. It made me want to cut again. Cutting made me feel in control although I knew it was wrong.
It was break and I was sat at a bench outside with josh. The cool air blew on my face, it was refreshing. My wrist had been hurting a lot over the first 2 lessons. Josh was concentrating on his book so I took the opportunity to take off my bracelets to see what was causing the pain. I unhooked one to reveal the dark red liquid staining my skin and was still flowing. My eyes widened and I panicked again. I quickly hooked my bracelet back together and tried holding back my tears. 'Why did I have to do that' 'I've just made things worse' 'I'm worthless' anger was building up inside me once again and I let the tears stream my face.
"Lauren? Lauren are you crying!?" Josh dropped his book and rushed to my side.
"What's happened? I knew there was something wrong."
I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I cried harder and covered my face with my hands.
"Hey, don't cry." Josh gently took my hands into his.
"Wait, Lauren, you're bleeding!" He exclaimed gently grabbing my arm to look.
