Levi x Reader Oneshots.

What Could Have Been [drabble?]

Dear @Kaneki_coffee
(and @blindedbyheadlights), I kinda turned your request into something else, if that's alright? It's really short too! :'(

Warning: severely OOC Levi, read at your own risk.

~*~

Dear Levi,

I'll just skip to the point of what I'm trying to say... I just hope you can understand me.

I'm sure you are more than aware of what has transpired between us. Nobody did anything wrong. I hope it wasn't my fault and I can assure you that it certainly wasn't yours. These things just happen and unfortunately, there's no helping it.

It pains me to say this, but I know longer look at you the way I used to. It pains me to say this, it really does.

Love is hard when you're in a war; it can be hard if you're as young or as inexperienced as I am (I'm not saying you're old or experienced enough, either). Love can be hard in general.

You've noticed this too, haven't you?

I have to say, I used to admire you so much. I aspired to be as brave as you or at least pretend to be as strong as you. You just seemed so perfect on the outside.

Deep down, you're one of the most compassionate men I have had the pleasure of meeting. You care so much for your soldiers, but you show it in the most subtle ways. It's commendable, really! I just wear my heart on my sleeve and nurture them despite the situation.

You're also a bit of an asshole. You're a bit of a jerk. Yes, I'm kind of walking away from the topic, but I feel the need to do this... please.

It took me a while to understand that, but you have had a hard enough life before being dragged into the Corps. Understandbly, you might have felt annoyed and livid because this wasn't the life you desired. In fact, the mighty burden and grief just doubled.

You can be so coarse and rude, it annoyed the living crap out of me! But then I realized that when you order us to stay out of trouble, it wasn't a a meaningless action of authority. You have seen far too much and you're sick and tired of all of these deaths.

And I need you to know that. Just know that I still care about you. I will always care about you, no matter what. I will always think of you.

Please do not confuse this care of mine with love. I wish I could pinpoint when it, us, fell apart. It's easy to fall out of love as easy as it is to fall in.

Over the past few months, 'loving' you was taxing. I think you noticed that a few months ago when we woke up together. I saw it in just your eyes because they failed to hide that emotion, or whatever you'd like to call it. You just... realized and it hurt me as well, you know. You squeezed my hands and placed a kiss to my forehead and I all could do was look back with unimaginable guilt.

If you are reading this, you were clever to search my breast pocket in my jacket. So analyitcal, it's so... you, I guess? I don't know.

If you are reading this, I may not be able to look back up at you with that 'uninmaginable guilt'.

If you are reading this, please know that I am so sorry that I left feeling like this. That this is no way to tell you. And I am so, so, so sorry that I could not bring myself to tell you this in person.

[F/n] x

......

The rain came down with sheer force and heavily.

Unforgiving and merciless; that is the life of a Survey Corps soldier.

Levi was no exception.

But at the moment, every fiber of Levi's being aches.

His knees buckle and he drops next to her immobile figure, his body quivering with grief. He shielded his head from the rain with one hand and held the letter in his hand with the other. He stuffed the letter into his hand and took a hold her limp hand once it was free.

Sobs suddenly began to rack through his body. He couldn't control them; his emotions were getting tbe better of him. For the second time in less than a few monutes, he's really struggling to find the air to breath.

He squeezes her hand and brings it up to his kips, peppering it with fleeting kisses. But the damage had been done; it had been done to both of them.

He was left heart-broken and desolate and she was left to die with guilt of betraying him to be point that it was almost painful.

Her eyes fluttered open one last time and Levi quickly removes the blood-streaked hair from those lifeless eyes. She lifts her head up slightly and gasps. It's not because of the pain, that was shrieking in agony and pulsed throughout her body.

It was because she saw Levi, sobbing, as he clasped her hands desperately.

"God, Levi..." she wheezed and Levi sucked in a breath. "I'm... I'm... sorry..." she also sucked in a breath. "I'm s-so s-sorry..."

But as if she was hit by a bus, a heavy exhale escaped her body and she no longer felt heavy.

Levi stood up after taking her patch, another one to add to his collection. There was no point in taking her back; dead is dead.

He wiped his eyes and looked up towards the clouds that were darkening as the time went on.

He wanted to stay... but what good with that do? Probably end up getting a cold.

It wasn't long before exhaustion overtook Levi and he realized that he would better return to the formation or the base.

It would be too painful to stay and think about what could have been.

~*~

The words were pouring out of me until the ending and then I was totally stuck... I'm really sorry!