Levi x Reader Oneshots.

Relief

I wanted to write something short and quick to depict what I've been going through recently.

Tw/ anxiety, dissociation and negative thoughts

revamped version: 15/05/2021 bc my anxiety is terrible again these days

~*~

Your hands trembled as you held onto the tray of china as you walked down to the familiar office.

Tonight wasn't going to be a good night, again.

You hadn't been having the best time mentally ever since the most recent expedition two months back wherein you lost your two best friends. They got snatched from you right before your eyes and you recalled so visibly the way you stretched out to grab them but it was too late. The jaws of the beasts before you came crashing down and your friends' violent screams infiltrated your mind; haunting your sleep, their crying, fearful eyes looking at you all the time with every passing moment.

You didn't know that you surviving instead of them would make your anxiety worsen this much. Wasn't it already bad enough? Why couldn't you get a break?

Walking down the hall, you could hear their screams. You could feel their eyes stare into your soul like daggers. That was when you felt your vision split into pieces. You felt as though you were dizzy and disconnected from everything around you; like you were looking at everything through fogged lenses. The tingling in your head kept building and building and the relentless feeling of dread bubbled in the pit of your stomach.

Their screams.

Oh, their haunting screams.

Your vision continued to splinter more and you felt like you were walking through hazy smoke, unable to discern who or what was around you. In your ears, all you could hear was a buzzing sound as more of your senses continued to dwindle.

Just... who were you? Where were you? Why was there a tray with a cup of tea in your hands?

Your breath hitched in the back of your throat, it felt like your heart was going to burst from its chest. The dizziness was too much and your hands went cold and clammy.

This wasn't a first but by the Walls did you hate it.

Even though you were a powerful squad leader and you were well-known in the Corps, you couldn't burden people with your issues; not when so many people depended on you for your seemingly unwavering strength and charisma outside the Walls

No one could view you as weak to suffer from anxiety so severe in the early hours of the night when everyone slept.

Unbeknownst to you though, there was one person who knew. He would see your light from your office turn on every night as you walked to the Mess Hall. He saw the way you would still be there when he went to refill his cup and the way your hands continued to shake and your lower lip tremored. While you were trapped in your own little world where your anxiety bubbled and laid waste to your mental state, your special friend would sit by in the Mess Hall, hoping you'd approach him some day so he could help you.

He wanted you to accept the fact you needed help and how that was totally okay. And how he'd be there for you time and time again if you let him.

Hence why he ordered you to bring him tea late at night, when your anxiety was most active; when he knew you'd be upset and inconsolable, but so that he could be there to stop it from festering away inside you any longer.

That's what friends do, right?

Were you two friends? Who knows, though there were times when boundaries were definitely crossed but you two refused to speak of it. Times where you'd reach out and hold his hand occasionally; or you'd stay much longer than what friends would do; or the way your arms would find each other after bad expeditions and you'd stay in each others' embrace in the confines of your office longer than what most people did.