Reckless [Dean Winchester]

43. Selfless, Coward, Max

43. Selfless, Coward, Max

Throughout the drive back to Kansas, every time Dean and I barely made eye contact through the mirror, he's the one to break it. It made my heart beat painfully every time.

It's a silent procession into the bunker. Sam was the one to do the handiwork on my hand. All that time, I feel Dean's boring gaze into the back of my head. I could picture the accusatory glare that the green eyes held.

So now, we're back out in the library of the bunker. I'm curled into a ball in one of the chairs, resisting the urge to scratch my arms. The habit has faded, but now the urge is back worse than ever. I know the reason why.

This is an interrogation. I know it's not supposed to be, but secretly I know that it is. I know the boys have been formulating questions on the drive back to the bunker. I've been thinking about how to explain my situation to them. It's not going to be an easy task.

"You haven't been completely honest with us, Max," Sam tells me calmly. "Now's the time to come clean about everything."

"I told you that anything supernatural related, you come to us," Dean snaps at me. "And now we gotta find out from Crowley that something's up?"

"What did he mean, Max?"

I laugh darkly. "You boys are smart. Figure it out."

Both boys' brows crinkle over their eyes, giving them almost a boyish look. I watch, waiting to see who has the epiphany first.

Dean's the first to react. I see the slight widening of his eyes, then the slight part of his mouth. I can feel the anger radiating off him, a blazing heat.

"Seriously, Max?" he thunders. "You...you...you made a deal?"

I nod slowly. "With Crowley."

"Why would you do that?!"

I look at him, offended. "Back then I didn't know any better!"

"So you mean to tell us that you knew Crowley, way before you met us?" Sam inquires.

"I never really knew him, we crossed paths more than I'd like to admit."

Dean sighs loudly. "Damn it, Max."

"Hey!" I snap, getting out of the chair. "I don't think it's your right to judge my decision!"

"The hell it isn't." He crosses his arms. "What'd he promise you, Max? Clearly not the rich life."

I stare at him, mouth agape. "It's something you wouldn't understand, Dean!"

"If Crowley didn't say a word, were you gonna mention this to either of us?"

I close my mouth at the question, feeling my cheeks heat up. I sigh through my nose, feeling my body tense.

"So we were gonna find out the hard way. Find you in ribbons somewhere."

"Dean—"

He stops me with a menacing look. "Why? All I wanna know is why, Max."

"Fine, you want the truth?"

"Not really, but it's gotta come out."

I shuffle. "I've never dealt with bad situations very well. When we had family pass away, I ran from the funerals, and I had search parties for me. The first funeral I ever attended was in high school, and it nearly broke me. Seeing death on the news isn't the same as having a death in the family.