Reckless [Dean Winchester]

45. Sendoff

45. Sendoff

The sleep I've gotten is perhaps the best I've had in a long time. And that's saying something.

I inch up and push my head into Dean's neck, feeling his arms tighten around me. A smile quirks onto my face as I feel a thumb stroke one of my shoulders. This, right here, right now, I don't want to end. I don't want to lose this. If only there was another way.

Opening my eyes, I see my hand has fit the handprint mold on Dean's left shoulder. My hand looks small in comparison. Dean has been to Hell and Purgatory, practically two Hells. How is he still functioning? I think back to the first moments I met him, the first time I tried to wake him up. He'd almost hurt me that day. Wait, no, he'd almost killed me. Looking back on it, some of his actions make sense now. His past has made him this way, just like my past has led up to this moment. But would it have made a difference had I not done a deal with Crowley? Would we have still crossed paths? Would I not be shipped off if my time wasn't up?

"I'm gonna miss this," he says absently. Does he know I'm awake? "Just wish we had more time."

"Look at you, going soft," I tease quietly. I pick my head up to meet slightly glazed green eyes. I kiss him full on the mouth in greeting. My hand moves along his chest. "How you have any humanity left amazes me, Dean. It really does."

"Some things are the only things keeping my humanity intact." He suppresses a yawn, I can see it.

My eyes turn sorrowful. "Is there any hope for you and Sam to get out of this?"

"Max, now why would you go asking a stupid question like that?"

"One can hope, right?"

"Look, I want this to keep going as much as you do." His forehead goes against mine. "But we Winchesters are a repellent for anything domestic and good to come into our lives. Anything good will either disappear or die. It's part of the job, unfortunately. An unwanted side effect."

I bite my lower lip, a part of me wishes Dean and Sam could just drop everything and run. These boys have done so much, and I don't even know their full stories. But I know they both deserve some peace, some normalcy, something that doesn't involve hunting.

I take Dean's face in my hand, looking deep into those green eyes until I'm sure I can't find a bottom. "I know I'm being sentimental, but, that life we talked about...I want that, w-with you." I swallow. "You've made me feel safe, you and Sam both. True, we've had our bad times, but..."

"Max." He shakes his head. "I-it's what I want, too. But..."

"I know." I kiss a corner of his mouth. "Your life doesn't allow good things to happen, it only makes you suffer. I know there's no shot in Hell of convincing you and Sam to drop everything and run. And I could never ask you to abandon your brother. You two have a bond that's almost considered unhealthy. You rely on each other so much...At the end of the day, you have each other. You know my family situation." I smile sadly. "Don't let that go, Dean."

My brows come together when I hear it, the soft snarling. I slowly sit up, pulling the blanket to cover myself a little bit. I look out the Impala's windows, feeling my heart spike. It's too soon. They can't be here now. Not now. Not when I'm with him. I don't want this to end in blood. If it does, I definitely don't want him or Sam seeing.

"Max?" Dean sits up with me, rubbing my arms gingerly. "What is it?"

"Y-you don't hear them?" I whisper.