Rejects | m.c

chapter 15: Confessions of a broken heart

Song: Confessions Of A broken Heart (daughter to father) by Lindsay Lohan

Julia still hadn't came back so I did the only thing I could think of. Walk away.

''Blaze, wait!'' I didn't wait around to hear what he had to say. Instead, just as I was about to go up to my room, the door handle turned as somebody was about to open the door. Michael was running after me, soon bumping in to me as I stopped.

"What the-"

"Shh! Someone's coming in!"

"Who is it?" He asked, confused.

"How the hell am I meant to-" and there he stood. The man I hadn't seen in four months since he left my mother. I knew I should be mad at him but right now, I just need parent in my life. He hasn't changed much. He has more stubble, but that's about it.

"Blaze?" He whispered. I think he wasn't expecting me to be here. Maybe he was expecting nobody to be home. Has he heard about mum? Who would've told him about her death?

"Dad.." I whispered back, not really believing he was really here after not seeing him for so long. I've never been really close with my dad but that didn't stop us from having many memories in my childhood. We used to go to the park and eat ice cream every Sunday because those days are boring but somehow we made them the most exciting days ever. Up until I was twelve. I guess that was when they began to go on more and more business trips so I was left with my grandma until she passed away when I was fifteen. After that I was trusted to be by myself on the weekends or any days they were away.

"I'm so sorry I haven't been here.. I heard about your mum. I was in America for work and so I got the next flight out which was yesterday but I decided to wait until today to see you. I'm sorry I left you and your mother all alone by yourselves. What kind of father am I?" He was really beating himself up for this. Now was not the time to blame him for leaving, right now we both need to grieve about the death of my mother and his wife.. Ex wife. Michael quickly left us to be together. I needed my father now more than ever.

*
Once my dad and I had caught up, he went to the store to buy food and thing, so I went back downstairs to my friends. I wouldn't blame them if they didn't want to be around me anymore. Loosing my mother has caused me to snap at little things like someone mentioning something my mother loved.

We were all in the basement watching Mulan. My mother always told me she was the best Princess because she didn't need a man to make her happy, she was this badass chick who saved all of China and that's what she wanted me to become. Someone who doesn't need a man to feel complete, someone who stands up for what they believe in. The doorbell interrupted me from my thoughts. I didn't expect anybody else to be coming round. Maybe it was Laurie coming for Michael?

Luke got up to go answer the door, I lay down on the sofa, cuddling the pillow keeping my eyes focused on the tv. Two pairs of feet were heard coming down, like walked in, Ashton behind him. I didn't even look at him, I was far too interested in Mulan.

"Hey Blaze," he chirped happily, well at least he's happy. I mumbled a hi, not really trying. I seen him look at the boys in confusion from the corner of my eye. I'm slowly pushing them all away and I don't even mean to.

Hours went by, before my dad called us upstairs for dinner. Before he left, he was used to Calum, Luke and Julia all coming over for dinner most nights but now Ashton and Michael are here. I remember the day Michael came over to practise our play, asking where my dad was. Well here he is. We all managed to sit down at the table. Dad put a plate of spaghetti and meatballs in front of us, knowing it was one of my favourite home cooked meals. But somehow I had lost my appetite. I was sat between Michael and Julia. I twirled my meatballs around the plate, thinking about the lady and the tramp movie. That's such a good movie. I miss being able to spend all my nights watching Disney movies when I was a child and had no worries at all in my head.

"you okay?" Michael whispered so nobody could hear. I knew he didn't want to draw attention to me. Which I appreciated so much.

"I guess I just lost my appetite.." I mumbled, not really knowing the answer myself.

"Liar, please eat Blaze.. Your dad and the rest of us are worried about you." I just looked down in my lap. I couldn't even find the strength to eat. I wasn't even hungry in the first. So instead, I got up from my seat.

"Excuse me," I mumbled getting up and walking out of the kitchen and up to my room. There was where I let everything go and finally sobbed until I couldn't breathe. I had locked my door to nobody could come in. I played my music so my sobs were drowned by the sound of Confessions Of A Broken Heart by Lindsay Lohan.

I pulled the covers around me so I was wrapped in my grey starry duvet. I continued to let the tears fall down my sticky wet cheeks. I can't do this for any longer, I need my mum.

I heard voices from the end of the stairs.

"Ill go check on her," I heard Michaels voice, I didn't care that we weren't on good terms I just needed somebody and if that person had go be Michael I didn't care. I turned up my music, not wanting to hear their worried conversation about me. I didn't want them to be worried for me, I didn't deserve to be worried about. I didn't even notice how badly my own mother was truly doing because I was blinded by my own happiness. I was selfish.

"Blaze! Open up!" Michael demanded, his voice had seriousness written all over it.

"No, Michael you don't wanna come in. "

"Yeah, I do. I need to make sure your alright. Please.. Please just let me in. You don't have to say anything please, blaze let me in." I wiped my eyes, before standing up still with my covers wrapped around my body. The minute I opened the door, Michael wrapped his arms round my shoulders. It took me a second to realise what was happening before I hugged him back, wrapped my arms around his waist, hiding my face in his chest as I began to cry once again.

"Make the pain go away Michael.." I cried.

"I can't make it go away, but I can try to fix you. I'm gonna be there. Promise me, you won't do anything stupid in your dark moments? I don't want you hurting yourself please.."

"I'm already hurt Michael.." We lay down on my bed, his arm hugging my waist as I still hid my face away in his chest.

Michael
It pains me to see someone like blaze so broken and knowing you are the part of the reason as to her pain, it stings. Blaze has been in my life for a short amount of time, only four months and I didn't enter her life to a good start. Instead of getting to know her like any decent human being would, I hurt her from the beginning. I asked about her dad when he just left. I hurt her in too many ways.

There she lay in my arms, crying her eyes out. I had no idea what to do or say, everyone else remained downstairs to give us our space. Which I really appreciated because i know how Ashton likes her, it's obvious and when it comes to me and him in the running, he always wins. There's no way she's ever like me the way I like her, not from all the pain I cause her.

If only she knew..

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