Rejects | m.c

chapter 19: Wake Me Up When September Ends

Song: Wake Me Up When September Ends by the oh so wonderful Green Day

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Today. Today is the day we finally put my mother to rest forever. Of course the weather reflected exactly how I felt. It was full and raining quite heavily, normally I would love this because we don't get rain much in Australia but today? I hate it. It made me feel worse and even more sad and depressed than I did before I even opened my eyes. After lying there in bed for around ten minutes my dad walked in.

"Good morning sweetheart.." I knew exactly how he was feeling. His ex wife had died. I know he sill loved my mum so much, you can't just stop loving someone that quickly. Yes they had problems and that's exactly why they divorced and that's why he left, but I know they always still loved each other. That's why my dad is so much more hurt.

"I know you don't want to get up, but you have to. I promise you, I will be there for you today more than ever."

"But who's gonna be there for you dad? You need someone there for you too. I know you're hurting," I couldn't even look up at him. I didn't want him to know I was crying even though this is what is expected. People expect you to cry, then they expect the crying to stop. My crying and pain hasn't stopped. I'm 'happy' around my friends because that's what they want to see. They don't want to have to deal with a pain filled depressed teenager best friend.

"I'll be okay honey,"

"It's okay not to be okay daddy.."

He looked at me and smiled. I knew he didn't have to force it that time and neither did I as I smiled back at him. He left me to get ready. Julia and the boys would be coming over to see me before the funeral. Isn't it sad? When it finally comes to the part in your life when you have to say funeral for your own mother?

I went to my wardrobe and pulled out the dress Julia had bought for me for today. I didn't ask her to, she kind of just came into school when I came back with a bag with this beautiful black dress inside.

The dress was black lace with 3/4 length sleeves and went down to just below mid thigh and flowed a little so it wasn't stuck to my skin. It was beautiful and I couldn't have asked for a better dress considering I never wear them. I debated wearing the heels Julia put in with them or my all black converse. I knew my mother would encourage me to be myself. So I thought about that and then decided to wear my converse. Yes I will be standing out a little when people look down at my choice of shoes but I don't care. This is my mothers funeral. Soon enough I heard a knock on the door and the shuffle of my dads feet against the floor. I heard five voices knowing they all came together which I was grateful for. I heard Julia telling them she was going to see how I was doing which honestly? I really wasn't okay.

"Hey girl.." One look at me and she stifled a giggle.

"I admire you, you know." My head snapped up to look at her and see what she meant.

"What? How?"

"This is your mothers funeral and you choose to wear your converse knowing she would tell you to always be yourself and wouldn't care what shoes or anything your wearing as long as your happier and yourself. I admire you because you think of being yourself and not anybody else even when others probably think you should. I , Julia Pierce, admire you, Blaze Edwards."

I had tears in my eyes, luckily I made a smart decision and went against wearing makeup knowing it would be smudged and running down my face within seconds of the funeral.

"Thank you Julia.. So much."

"You know we are all here for you especially today." She hugged me back tighter.

We went downstairs and waited for my father to finish getting ready before him and I went in the car with the casket and the others would go in Michaels truck. Soon enough he called us saying he was ready. I held on to his hand tight as we climbed in the front of the car as our driver drove us to the church. My mothers body was behind us inside a coffin. A coffin. This will be the last time I get to say goodbye to her. We finally arrived at the church but the others hadn't arrived yet.

Julia's pov

"Michael! Where are you going, the church is the other way!" I yelled at him, I didn't want to be late to something like this. I knew blaze needed us there as soon as.

"Yeah I know we're just grabbing some Maccas first. We'll pick up some for Blaze too and then we can eat it at the front of the church while we wait for everyone to arrive. The funeral doesn't start for another hour, we have time." God this boy made me frustrated.

"Mike! Blaze needs us there like now, she's probably already arrived!"

"Guys, calm down we don't need anyone fighting today okay?" Ashton yelled, breaking us up. Which I was thankful for because when I'm angry I get angry.

"Yeah Michael!" I fought back as my five year old self was coming out.

"Oh shut up Julia." I heard Calum mumble but decided to leave it. We finally arrived at Maccas and made our order and then drove back to the church in plenty of time. Blaze was sat there on the steps with her leather jacket wrapped round her, her head was in her hands. I rushed out of the car, over Ashton because he was at the window and I was between Ashton and Luke.

"Wow calm down we have time." Luke chuckled at me. I was worried about my friend.

"Blazey!" I rushed over to her side and put one of my arms over her shoulders.

Blazes pov

I heard a car pull up but didn't even bother to look up. I could already guess it was my friends from Julia yelling at Ashton to move over and Luke laughing at her.

"Blazey!" She rushed over to me and put her arm round my shoulder. I had already been in the church and I can't do this. I can't attend my mothers funeral. The pain is all coming back far too quickly. I've been slowly recovering but being here it's making me feel like the walls are closing my in on me.

"Julia.. I.. I can't.. Do it." I somehow got out between my deep breaths. The boys came and crouched round and I suddenly felt even worse. I felt like everyone was silently judging me for reacting this way. I stood up but fell back down, I can't do this. I shut my eyes and felt my chest tighten. My anxiety was kicking in and I knew I had to get away from here.

"Blaze.. Can you hear me?" I knew it was Michael and I opened my mouth to respond but I couldn't find myself spitting the words out.

"I..panic..attack.." I spluttered out. I couldn't believe this was happening.

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Merry Christmas everybody!!

I love you all so so much! If I forget to update before New Years then I just want to say now that I love you all so much and thank you for making 2015 a good year when there wasn't any drama already lol

If you've supported me from day one 2 years ago or yesterday I am so so grateful for you all! ❤️

I love you beautiful little muffins!

Ps shoutout to oblivionmikey because I love her books they're amazing and you should go check them out!