EXO OTP's One Shots Collection ⭐

56 - BAEKSOO : Nope, Not Me

Title: Nope, Not Me
Pairing: Baekhyun/Kyungsoo
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Comedy, Drabble
Word Count:<1K words

Warnings: Swearing, Sexual Jokes, Sexual Situations

Summary: If Kyungsoo could only kill Baekhyun then he had already done it a very long time ago.

*

Okay, if someone were to ask Kyungsoo whose member does he like to spend his quality time with, that woud be none other than Jongin. If there were a person whom he wants to be with if he would be stuck in an island, surely, it will be Jongin. No doubt, Jongin is his always first choice, because Jongin is Jongin. And that's it.

If there's a first choice, there's always the last choice, which is represented by Kyungsoo's great nemesis by the name of Byun Baekhyun. Baekhyun is the least person he wants to be with even if the skies are falling down. He wants the skies to fall down directly at Baekhyun, actually. Because he really hates Baekhyun due to countless reasons he narrowed down into seven.

Reasons Why I Hate Baekhyun (eew is that even a name)

1. He's gay. Jongin is not.
2. He's loud and obnoxious. Jongin is not.
3. He steals things. Jongin doesn't.
4. He sings like a frog. Jongin doesn't.
6. He's ugly. Jongin is handsome.
7. He's not even funny. Jongin is.

This list is written on a paper which is pasted on his bedroom door so that Baekhyun would always realize how unimportant he is to Kyungsoo's life, which is, too bad, being ignored by Baekhyun on a day-to-day basis. Much more, Baekhyun would pester him by doing all what's on the list:

He skinships Kyungsoo, hugging him and kissing him on the cheek (gross). He laughs out loud straight into Kyungsoo's poor eardrums. He steals Kyungsoo's chips, alarmclock, lipbalm, coins, earphones, and sometimes underwear. He purposely sings out-of-tune Kyungsoo's parts on Lightsaber and records it to set it as Kyungsoo's wake up alarm. He makes disgusting faces in the morning. He cracks sexual jokes, which is not even the least funny.

Like for example, the one he said yesterday. 'Look, your dick wants to hold hands with me'. Kyungsoo punches Baekhyun square on the face so the latter ends up crying on Chanyeol's chest as he tells the tall male how Kyungsoo physically abused him.

Kyungsoo swears he'll punch Baekhyun's gut next time.

"Why do you hate him so much?" Chanyeol asks Kyungsoo over a slice of pizza, and Kyungsoo wrinkles his nose in disgust when the pepperoni falls out of the rapper's hanging mouth. "Everybody likes Baekhyun!"

"Nope, not me," Kyungsoo says, rolling his eyes. He turns to the youngest on the couch. "As well as Sehun."

"I hate Baekhyun, too. You're the only human being who likes that piece of shit," Sehun mumbles on the pillow.

"Don't call him that!" Chanyeol argues, frowning as he clutches his chest. "My heart.... is hurting."

"Oh god."

"What the hell."

Kyungsoo snorts, seeing Baekhyun coming out from his room in nothing but a bathrobe. Correction: Kyungsoo's bathrobe.

"What the fuck!?" Kyungsoo snaps, eyebrows knitting together as he points at Baekhyun. "Why are you wearing my bathrobe!!!?"

"Mine's still on the laundry," Baekhyun says with a shrug. "Hope you don't mind."

"Take that off. Now," Kyungsoo mutters, putting a hand on his hips. He doesn't want any of Baekhyun's microorganisms to transfer to his things, most especially to his clothes.

"Why should I!?" Baekhyun says, lifting an eyebrow. "So that you'd see my abs?"

What.

"I knew it, Kyungsoo!" Baekhyun says, smirking smugly. "You have the hots for me!"

"What the actual fuck!?" Kyungsoo shouts. "I don't fucking even see you as a mere human person. Why would I have the hots for you?"

"Because I'm sexy, that is why!"

"Just take off the damn bathrobe!"

Baekhyun takes off the bathrobe, letting it fall on the floor.

"There. Happy now?" Baekhyun says, gesturing at his naked body.

Sehun's mouth falls open. Chanyeol's eyes widen. Kyungsoo's face looks very scandalized.

"Well, fuck."

"Baekhyun......"

"Fuck."

Baekhyun grins and wiggles his dick in the air.

"My dick is bouncing, you like that?"

Baehyun holds his dick and flaps it together with his balls up and down. "Up-down-up-down-up! How's that?"

Kyungsoo wants to bury his face on the ground in pure mortification.

"You want to touch it--"

"GET THE FUCK OUT!!!"

He threatens Baekhyun with a samurai display, so Baekhyun runs naked around the dorm until he reaches Junmyeon's room to hide only to be kicked out bare and cold.

"Have mercy on me, Kyungsoo!" Baekhyun cries, hugging his bare self when Kyungsoo catches him ready to slit his neck. "Oh god no, not my gorgeous neck!"

"Any last words?"

Baekhyun blinks. "Can I suck you off?"

Kyungsoo slits Baekhyun's neck with the samurai, leaving his body dead on the floor bathed in his own blood.

But that's not what actually happened even if Kyungsoo wants it to happen. If Kyungsoo could only kill Baekhyun then he had already done it a very long time ago. He doesn't like to waste his precious time cleaning Baekhyun's blood, and the samurai is damn too expensive only to be used for Baekhyun's worthless death.

Instead, he just fists Baekhyun's hair and pulls it with all his might so that Baekhyun would be bald not because of his constant hair color changes. Baekhyun wails out in pain, hollering Chanyeol to please please save him from Kyungsoo's murderous modus operandi.

"I hate you so much, Byun."

Baekhyun pouts. "But I like you..."

Kyungsoo tightens his grip on Baekhyun's hair, but he forgets to ease away the smile forming on his lips.

"Ouch!"

If Kyungsoo were to be asked what he really feels for Baekhyun, then he would always answer he hates him, has always been, and he has no plans changing that fact even if he starts hating him now a little bit less than yesterday.

*

END

(A/N: But really, who wouldn't get fond of BaekSoo, come here and fight me.

Don't forget to check out my new book, I Prmoise You!)