Life is so unpredictable. Like people. Hanna revealed a side to me that was always buried but I didn't know what it was until I met her. She made me love and care. She's different and I think that's what I loved most about her. She was this mystery that couldn't be solved. You would have to try and reveal the hidden clues one by one but it was mostly impossible. I don't know why she did the things she did but it was a rush to be with her. I did things I probably wouldn't have done without her. I ventured out and tried new things. Hanna has been such a huge mystery in the past few days because...I haven't seen her in 3 days and yes, I'm worried. But I am so pissed at her. She disrespected me and I fell for that. She ended up breaking my heart in the end in two ways. The first way was that she broke my trust. The second was that she lost the love I gave her. I was thinking, and maybe we could have safety pinned our two broken hearts together. But...not anymore.
I was just laying down on the couch with a box of tissues between my arm and my chest, the remote lazily in one hand and my phone in the other. My phone had to be the most important thing to me right now. In the matter of seconds, I could learn something new or be heart broken. I'll just have to wait and see.
Spongebob played quietly in the background as my thoughts filled my mind. Maybe she was kidnapped? Raped? Maybe she's just grounded and can't be on her phone? Maybe she died. No, that can't be. Hanna doesn't die. She's the great Hanna that is in invincible. The same Hanna I fell in love with.
My phone probably wanted to collapse and die like I wanted to from the many messages and phone calls I had put out there.
In my spare time, and the time I wasn't really thinking of her (which was rare), I counted the messages I sent her. 177 messages. Since the day of the party, of course. And along with 52 calls to her.
This is so nerveracking. Half of me wants to know where she is. What she has been up to or how she is doing. But the other half is scared. Scared of the truth. Scared of the many possiblities that have repeated over and over again in my mind.
I thought about her death. She could have been shot or she could have drowned in a lake, or maybe a car accident. I had no clue why...but that one hit me harder than the other ideas. Some were even worse than that.
My motivation was brought up instantly when the doorbell had rung. I shot up from my spot, turned the tv off so no sound in the background and rehearsed what I would do if it was her. I would kiss her, of course.
"He-" I cut myself off at the sight of two police men. "Hi?" I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned my shoulder against the door frame.
They both took off their hats and looked at eachother before turning to me with a sympathetic smile.
"Michael Clifford?" one asked. I nodded quickly and furrowed my eyebrows. Maybe this had something to do with my father. Or maybe my mom.
"Yes? What's this about?" I asked curiously. "We're so sorry for your loss. We found your name in Hanna Monteiro's phone and thought we should come here to tell you..." the other says without finishing. "What's going on? Is she alright?" I stand up straight.
And then, my world shattered within a few seconds. "We're so sorry, Mr. Clifford. Your friend is dead. On her way home the other night, she had gotten into a car accident and died instantly"
"She was my girlfriend" I said under my breath. "What was that?" one asked. "I said, she was my girlfriend" I spoke a little louder. "Sorry"
I shook my head and felt my tears coming. "Thank you for telling me. Goodbye" I sniffled and shut the door.
Like at the party, I slid down the door and started to sob. Obviously worse than that night. This hurt worse.
This can't be happening. This can not be happening. We were supposed to get into a fight and break up but then make up because we love each other. We were supposed to kiss again and tell eachother that we loved one another. I was supposed to hold her again
But no.
"Why did you have to do this to me?! Why'd you have to die like this?!" I cried out loud. Tears burned my eyes and stained my cheeks. It wouldn't stop. The tears kept on coming. Everything hurt. My insides, my head, my emotions were running around my mind like some crazy train off it's rails. Why does this hurt so much? I should be so mad or happy. I should be cheering that the evil witch is dead. She hurt me, she ruined my life. She ruined our relationship! But she hurt me more by dying. Now I felt like dying. Maybe I still loved her. Maybe I just told myself that I didn't love her but I did. God, I loved her so much.
My legs were shaky but I managed to stand up. My tears filled my eyes and everything was blurry. It took maybe 5 minutes but I ended up in my room, standing at the doorway with a bat in my hand. The picture of us, I threw it across my room. The posters she got me of my favorite band, hit with my bat. It made holes in the wall but did I really care? Hell no.
I swung the bat tens of times around my room, breaking everything in sight. Only complication was Luke. He came by the house, door was unlocked. He wrapped his arms around me from the back to try to get me to calm down. He got ahold of my bat and threw it away from me. "Michael, calm down!" he yelled. "No! She hurt me! Just leave, Luke!" I thrashed and kicked my legs but the taller boy controlled me.
"Trashing everything doesn't solve anything!" he screamed once I calmed down. "Well it feels hella good!" I screamed back. He sighed and threw his arms up in frustration, then slammed his arms down by his side. Then I had an idea. "I know what's better than trashing my room" I say quietly. "What is it then?" Luke breathed heavily.
"I need to go to the source. The person who caused all of this" a smirk formed on my lips. "Who?" Luke furrowed his eyebrows.
"Calum"
I ran out of the house before Luke could stop me, and I kept running. I ran to Calum's house. His parents weren't home, thankfully, so I knocked on his door angrily. He opened the door a couple seconds later and his smile dropped instantly.
"You" I pushed my finger against his chest. "You are the reason she hurt me. You're the reason she's dead!" I snapped. "Michael, calm down. It's okay" Calum put his hands up in defense. "No! It's not okay! She's dead!" I swung a punch at Calum, knocking him to the floor. "Michael! Stop this! It's not my fault she died! I'm sorry she did, but this isn't my fault!" he got back to his feet, only to be knocked down again by a push.
"It is your fault though! You got her drunk! You were the cause of everything! Of this hurt!"
When I was finished with Calum, he walked away with a black eye and a bruise on his arm.
I do blame Calum for the most part. But maybe a part of this was my fault. What led Hanna to cheat on me? Did I do something wrong? Did I not love her enough?
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Too Late | m.c [completed]
Fanfic"you didn't let her go, it just happened" she said, trying the best to cheer me up. "i did let her go. i was too late"