"Go on Suggy! Go ooon!" You cheered for your best friend who was in the middle of a small game of rugby at school lunch hour.
You sat on the sidelines with a few other girls who were watching too. Most of them were just there to swoon the meat-headed popular guys and how fit they looked in their unbuttoned school shirts and loose ties. You never got in on all the fuss about the popular boys.
It was cheesy, but you didn't need to when someone so special had already caught your eye.
-
Joe ran a hand through his bleach blonde hair as he caught his breath on the field. His eyes wandered to where you and a few other girls were sitting, and his lips formed a grin.
He jumped up and waved at you.
You grinned and waved right back at him, cupping your hands around your mouth.
"Go on Sugg! You can do it boy!" You called out to him on the field. You heard him laugh before he jokingly blew an over the top kiss at you. As he ran back into the game, you felt your cheeks heat up.
You rested your chin on your palms and watched the rest of the small school yard game, trying to hold back the big smile on your lips.
-
The lunch hour ended around 15 minutes later, and everyone started packing up and heading back to their classes. You stood with your backpack over your shoulder as you waited for Joe to come off the field. You and Joe had your next History class together and the two of you always walked there together.
You suddenly spotted a disgustingly blonde head of hair jogging towards you with his arms wide open, looking ready for a hug.
Your cheeks turned pinker as you jogged up to meet you, feeling ready for that Sugg hug. Just as you did so, somebody else bolted in front of you and jumped straight into Joe's arms, taking what you thought was meant for you.
Your arms awkwardly sank to your sides.
Out of all the horribly cliché things that have happened to you, that would have to be the worst.
The girl who was now wrapping herself around Joe like a baby koala was Imogen, Joe's newest girlfriend.
Imogen was beyond nice, not like the cliché bitchy girlfriend who would never let you hang out with him. She was always sweet to you and you had never heard her speak badly about anyone. She was also gorgeous, with long brown hair and the greenest of green eyes. It wasn't hard to see why Joe liked her so much.
You trudged up to the two as Imogen let go of Joe. You could see Joe smile at you sheepishly.
"Hey babe!" Imogen smiled at him. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it to watch, but after school me and you can hang out all you want." She said, lacing her fingers with his.
You shuffled your feet awkwardly as you watched the exchange, feeling like a complete third wheel. The fact that you were practically in love with Joe made it feel worse.
Joe bit down on his bottom lip.
"Oh, uh, yeah! Of course." He hesitated a bit, but smiled back at her. He leaned down and kissed her. If you were honest, it made you want to gag. Just a little.
"Sweet!" Imogen grinned at him. "I've got English now, see you after babe." She gave him another peck on his lips, before turning around and walking off.
You bit down on you lip and stuffed your hands in the pockets of your school blazer. You walked up up Joe who was looking anxious as you got nearer.
"Hey, um..I thought we were going to hang out after school today?" You asked hesitantly. "We always hang out on Thursday nights, we were going to go see that new film."
Joe scratched the back of his head.
"Uh, yeah, about that," He began. "I'm sorry Y/N, but she's my girlfriend. I really like her, I can't cancel this time." He said.
You sighed. "I know, I know..." You looked down at your shoes.
Joe pouted. "Awww Y/N/N..." He put his hands on your shoulders. "You're like a little sister to me. I love you and Imogen both equally. I'll always have time for you, you Rodney."
He ruffled your hair before he his backpack over his shoulder and started marching towards the school doors.
"Come on sis, to History!" He called back to you.
You inhaled deeply as you watched your best friend walked up to the school, his hair messy from rugby and his tie loose around his neck.
"'Sis.'" You mumbled, adjusting your backpack.
"Great."
That day was the first of many cancelled plans between you and Joe.
Ever since he cancelled that movie night, he started to cancel more and more of your "friend dates" because of Imogen.
The next day, you had called him asking him if he wanted to hang out at the shopping centre that day.
He couldn't. He was going out for lunch with Imogen.
Two days later, you came up to him at school, cringing at the fact that he was hanging out with Imogen more than with you now, and asked if he wanted to come over and play video games after school.
He couldn't. He had to make sure Imogen got home safely.
A few days after that, you texted him asking if he was still coming over to your place for Friday night dinner like he did every week since the two of you were kids.
He couldn't. He had to go over to Imogen's for her birthday party.
That was the first time he had cancelled the Friday night dinner with your family in years.
After the reply, you laid back on your bed and stared at the ceiling. You felt all the photos you had placed around your room of you Joe staring at you, burning holes into your skin. Tears started to fall from your eyes, and before you knew it you were sobbing into your pillow. You always felt stupid for crying, but you could barely hold it in anymore.
You felt like your best friend in the whole world, and the boy who you were in love with since you were nine years old, was slipping away from you, and there was nothing you could do to stop it.
-
You dragged yourself through the front door of your house, throwing your backpack beside the door before you pushed it closed behind you.
You'd gotten turned down by Joe for what felt like the three thousandth time again, which made you feel even shittier. At that point, it didn't feel possible to feel even more shit.
"Hey darling," Your mum greeted you from the living room couch with a smile. "How was it?" She asked, referring to school.
You didn't answer. You just shrugged off your school blazer, threw it onto the couch beside her, and dragged yourself up the stairs and into your bedroom. This was your daily after school routine ever since you and Joe started drifting apart.
You slumped onto the floor next to your bed and pulled your knees up to your chest. Sometimes you felt silly for being so upset about this. You knew people changed, but you never really thought Joe would do this to you. The worst part was that he didn't even realise he was hurting you.
As you were kicking off your school shoes, you saw something on your desk. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a thick brown leather book underneath heaps of paper and homework sitting there.
It was a book that you recognised, but had been avoiding a lot lately.
"Oh, what the heck." You mumbled, standing up and trotting toward your desk. You cleared off all the papers and junk food wrappers off of the book, and picked it up.
On the leather cover, it read 'Y/N & Joe' in letters cut out of colourful felt material. You ran your fingers over the letters, a tiny smile appearing on your lips. You carried it over to your bed and sat down. You chewed on your bottom lip as you turned to the first page.
'Joe meeting Y/N for the first time!'
You recognised your mum's handwriting underneath a picture of Mummy Sugg holding a one year old, smiley, pudgy, blonde Joe as he peaked into your cot in the hospital. You were only an hour or two old.
You felt a grin appear on your face, your fingers tracing over the photo. You flicked a few pages ahead and stopped on a different one.
'Joe + Y/N in the bubble bath :)'
Above was a photo of you and Joe, about two and three years old, plonked next to each other in a bubble bath. You were both all giggly and smiley and covered in mountains of bubbles.
This one made you smile even more. The two of you were always closer than close.
You flicked a few more pages ahead.
'Y/N's first day of school!'
On top was a picture of a five year old you in your new school uniform standing next to six year old Joe who had his little arms wrapped around you and a huge, happy grin on his face.
You stared at the photo for a while, and before you knew it you were tearing up.
You missed him so much it was killing you. It was killing you and he didn't even realise it.
You sighed shakily and flopped backwards onto your bed.
"Why did we have to grow up, Joe?" You whispered to yourself.
"Why can't we go back to how we used to be?"
