Horror pulsed through you, the fear of soon facing invisible monsters that would make sure that you were hauled into the most horrible of places making you tremble uncontrollably. You performed a few breathing exercises, forcing yourself to cool down in order to drive and finally get to your one stop before death showed up at your doorstep. Your knuckles were white and your fingers were numb. You were gripping on to the steering wheel so tightly that it was the only thing that moored you to your current mission, to your reality.
"Mommy," a small voice interrupted the turmoil inside you. "Where are we going?"
You inhaled deeply before speaking, glancing at the rearview mirror every now and then to look into your son's eyes. "We're going to Kansas, baby. Mommy has to do something and I'm going to drop you off at two of my best friends' house, okay?"
"Mommy, I don't wanna go," he pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. "I wanna stay with you!"
"Oh, baby, I know," you nibbled on your lower lip as you swerved to the right, taking the exit that would be taking you to the Winchesters' place. It had taken you over a year to locate them, but after sleepless nights and snooping around wherever you could, you had finally located them. In Lebanon, Kansas was the one place you knew your son would be safe from all the perils that had haunted you since you were a kid. And you knew that once the Winchesters knew what was going on, your son would be left in good hands.
"Mommy, please don't leave without me!" your son whined.
You cursed under your breath. Jacob had always been unbelievably smart for his young age and quite perceptive. He always knew when you were lying and caught you red-handed whenever you wanted to trick him in order to not divulge everything to him. "Jake, it'll be okay," you willed your voice not to break as you pressed your foot on the gas pedal. You had to get there soon, the growls and rattling of chains grew louder every minute.
It was as if Jake knew that if he spoke again, you'd shatter and your control would come crumbling down. He didn't speak again, choosing to look out the window as the trees flitted by.
Ten years ago, you had knowingly made a deal with a crossroads demon in exchange for the life of your little brother. A hunt had come to a tragic end when the werewolf you were hunting down with him had grabbed him in a chokehold and you had watched helpless, chained to a post, how life had seeped out of his eyes while the creature cackled victoriously, waving your brother around like a rag doll.
The monster then tossed your brother aside when it was done with him and turned to you, splitting your chains apart before grabbing you by the neck. Its claws dug into your skin and you screeched out in pain, but you had already reached for the silver dagger you kept hidden. The werewolf howled as you plunged the blade into its chest, slumping down to the ground lifelessly. You rushed over to your brother's body, but it was too late.
Desperation and loneliness began to rip through your chest, prompting you to scoop him up into your arms as best you could and hauling him towards the car. He was all muscle from hunting and with slight difficulty, you tossed his body into the backseat before driving off to the nearest crossroad you could find.
After almost pouncing on the red-eyed demon that met with you, not enduring its taunting and jokes, you managed to get your brother's life back. The price of it was your own soul, to be collected ten years from that day. You said yes without hesitation, crying in elation when your brother woke up and embraced you tightly.
You never told him, nor anyone, what you had done that night. It was easy to forget about your ten years when all you had to do was hunt down monsters. But then, the unforeseeable happened. Your brother was kidnapped by a nest of vampires and was turned, by the time you swooped in to rescue him, it was too late and you had no option but to let him go.
It was then that you met Dean and Sam Winchester. You requested their aid, having heard of them through the mouths of hunters around the nation, in rescuing your brother and offing the nest of vamps. They didn't immediately leave when you chose to off your baby brother yourself, choosing to remain with you and offer you their company and comfort, even inviting you to hunt alongside them for a few months.
Sam and you became close friends, laughing often and sharing researching notes until you knew everything he did and vice versa. On the other hand, it was Dean who got to know you intimately. His chest became your place of solace, where you dried your tears in the middle of the night as his fingers carded through your hair tenderly.
But then hunting grew even more grueling and the fights between Dean and you began to come by more frequently until you decided that it was best to just walk away. Dean never said a word of protest when you said goodbye to him and Sam. He only nodded gravely and awkwardly embraced you. However, it was already too late. You hadn't been careful the last time you had slept with him and only a month later, you held in your hands the results of a pregnancy test.
You went into hiding as your belly grew, pretending to once again be normal and forgetting you ever had a hunting life to begin with. You gave birth to a beautiful baby boy that you named Jacob and focused solely on him. Yet you never forgot that five years later, your soul would be reaped unconditionally.
You sought help desperately, wherever you could, with whomever was willing to share information. But there was no way out. The clock was ticking and you had only limited time with your son. You chose to live out your last years with him to the maximum, taking him everywhere and making him laugh as much as you could. He slept in your arms and you made sure to always shower him with love and kisses, engraving in his memories how much you adored him.
Before you knew it, you only had three days left and it was time to prepare him to live somewhere else. You packed his favorites clothes and toys into a duffel bag, careful in not letting your tears show as you placed everything into the trunk of your car and buckled him in. You wrote Dean and Sam a quick letter into which you spilled all your heart and told them everything you could within the space of one sheet, tucking it into Jake's pocket and requesting he give it to either one of the brothers.
You pulled up to a concrete building, breathing shakily as you climbed out of the car and opened the door for your baby boy. He smiled up at you and grabbed your hand as he clambered out, squeezing his tiny fingers around your own. You grinned down at him before walking to the vehicle's trunk and taking out Jake's duffel bag. You both made your way slowly towards the building's entrance.
You sat him down on the stairs that took you down to the doorway, kneeling in front of him to cup his face. Pressing your lips to his forehead, you held back tears as you memorized the scent of him, his soft skin and how it felt to hold him close.
"I love you," you whispered into Jacob's skin. "I love you so much, baby."
"I love you, too, mommy," he hugged you, tiny hand patting your back comfortingly.
You pulled away from him to smile and thumbed his cheek tenderly. "Behave for Dean and Sam, okay? Show them that you're smart and always trust them, they're your friends."
"When will you come back, mommy?" Jake tilted his head, emerald eyes twinkling curiously.
"Soon, baby, soon," you promised. "Stay here, okay? The door will soon open. Mommy has to go."
"Okay," he nodded solemnly before leaning up and kissing your cheek, smiling comfortingly at you. He knew you were sad, but for some reason, chose not to comment on it. You ruffled his hair and hugged him close one last time before straightening yourself.
Taking a deep breath, you began to climb up the stairs and towards your car. You looked back only once, meeting eyes with him and sharing a smile. He waved at you and you could only meekly wave back. You forced yourself to climb into your car, start the engine, and pull away from the building, from your life, and your happiness. You knew this was for the best, but it still tore your heart into countless pieces.
You let yourself cry freely now, sobs bouncing back and forth in the car as you drove on, as fast as you could and as far away from Jacob and the Winchesters as possible. When you had put a good twenty miles between you and them, you finally called Dean.
