Sip by Sip

Chapter Eighty-Two: Move On

    Monday morning it snowed. It was light and watery, and it only lasted from four to five. Noah and Gemma were both awake to see it.

    They stood at their windows, peering out into the cold, their breaths clouding the glass.

    They watched the snow, and thought of the quiet.

    This quiet blanketed their busy city, the city usually alive with light and sound, the one scared of a few measly flakes.

    Soon this silence evaporated, and people could be seen on the streets, hurrying through the white, their feet squeaking upon the ice.

    Noah left his window, and the warmth of his apartment.

    Gemma continued to watch, thinking and looking at nothing at all.

    Until she saw him. Noah held a bouquet of flowers against his chest as he hurried across the street towards her apartment. The flowers had been dusted with a soft layer of white, and ice hung from the leaves.

    He kept thrusting his head forward, moving the flowers out of the way, and then bringing them back to his chest. She couldn't figure out what he was doing, until she remembered his words.

    "I'm a bit allergic in the spring . . . "

    He was sneezing.

    She smiled, and watched him until he slipped out of view, and into her building.

    Noah knew Gemma would already be up, but knew she had no reason to open the door. He would leave the flowers for her, and run.

    But when he reached her floor, Gemma stood outside her apartment, as if waiting.

    He didn't bother questioning how.

    Gemma thought he looked adorably bewildered, his hair sticking to the sides of his face and his ears burning a bright red. He clutched the flowers closer to him momentarily, as if bracing himself, before pushing them into her arms.

"It's the gesture that counts," he spoke softly, repeating her words.

    "I forgive you, you know," Gemma assured, taking in the wonderful scent of the flowers. They smelled of winter and spring mixed together somehow.

    "I don't forgive myself," he muttered, turning to walk away. 

    "And I don't care."

    She pulled him back to her, wrapping her arms around his sides and burying her face in his neck. She was standing on the tips of her toes, and he was leaning over slightly to hug her back.

"I miss you," she murmured to his skin.

"I miss you too," he sighed, and pulled away, "But I hurt you, Gemma. I can't apologize enough, I can't atone enough, I can't let you forgive me. I don't deserve to be forgiven."

"I was being a bitch about it."

He halfheartedly raised an eyebrow, but still caused her heart to flutter. "Gemma, you are never a bitch. Not ever. I hurt you, and put you in danger, and-"

"Oh shut up, Noah! You are a good person. You are too hung up on your little mistake. Move on. I know I have, and I'm getting tired of watching you wallow in self loathing. I said no complications, and you are making this complicated. Just let me forgive you." 

"I am a complication. I've been a complication in your life since the start. You said you don't want complications, so you shouldn't want me. But you do, I don't know why, but you want to forgive me, you want to make this work. That makes you the good person, not me."

She was silent for a moment. Their eyes were locked together, hers watery yet defiant, and his weary yet longing. She wasn't planning on loosing this battle, she wasn't planning on backing down.

"You want to leave things like they are? Fine. Continue to send me stupid little presents and avoid me, be sweet and aggravating at the same time. But if you want to fix things, if you want to make up for what you've done, if you want to become less of a fucking complication in my life? Then forget this bullshit and forgive yourself. Because I can't figure out how to feel about you right now," she lowered her eyes to the ground, breaking their tension filled staring contest.

"Gemma . . . "

"You are the only complication I want in my life, Noah Hanson," she said, walking back into her apartment, but paused before closing the door. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."