'don't give a fuck' attitude. / tyler joseph | ✓

twenty-three.

We decided to go to Tyler's house. His mom and dad were driving us there. Both of our hands intertwined while we sat in the back seat together. Everyone in the car had tear-stained cheeks and high hopes. It seems like it was the end of the world, but it's just Tyler leaving. And God, I am not taking it lightly. Not at all. I feel my chest caving everytime I think about it. Just like a blanket of sadness covering me instantly. He grabbed my face, turning it towards his, and kissing me.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Quinn," he said, putting his cheek against mine sweetly. His cheek was soft, and damp from his tears. And so were mine.

"I'm sorry I can't go with you," I whispered to him.

"You can. There is nothing holding you back," he said. He has brought this up so much, i'm surprised he hasn't become frustrated over the whole thing. I don't want that at all. His head shaking as his lip quivered. "You brought me out of my shell. Two months ago, I would've never agreed to this," he said. His voice cracked, and he turned away, not wanting me to see him cry. I sighed. Putting me head on his shoulder, him laying his on top of mine right after.

"There are things holding me back. The thought of holding you back scares me. I don't want to be a burden to you when you're touring. And when you're making music. Everything else," I went on. Sighing as I looked up at him. "But I love you more than anything."

"I know. But I love you more," he said, "I feel so frustrated over this. I'm tempted to not even go," he said to me. I snapped my head to look at his. I squeezed his hand in mine.

"No, Tyler, you're going," I told him. "See, i'm holding you back," I said. Aware that I sort of sounded like a child. His mom glanced back at me in the mirror, her eyes aimed for us, making my chest ache.

"Quinn," Tyler let out a long breath, laying his head back against the seat and closing his eyes. He was probably exhausted from everything he has been doing to get ready for this trip. He will do great in LA, I know he will.

His mother parked the car, getting out in silence. They knew exactly what was going on, and I was most certainly sure that they in fact wanted me to go with him. My mind was mixing. Like someone put it into a blender and put it back in my head. It was awful. I sighed, getting out of the car and going inside.

"Please stay with me tonight," Tyler's breath was right by my ear. I relaxed under his touch, closing my eyes and nodding. I could feel him smile by my ear. A small smile. "I'm going to miss you so damn much," he said. Laying a kiss in the crook of my neck.

"Tyler..." I warned. Leaning my head back into him. I could hear him chuckle, then walk past me into the kitchen. "I'll stay with you tonight," I said, settling the back-and-forth going on in my head. He looked back at me from the fridge. He looked at me longingly. I was causing him so much pain. Why can't I just come with him?

"Good, sounds good," Tyler said as he grabbed some milk from the fridge. He smirked at me before taking a gulp out of the carton, putting it back into the fridge afterwards. "So," he dragged his words out, walking over to me. He backed me up to the counter, boxing me in with his arms on either side of my hips.

"What?" I said. Crossing my arms over my chest in a sassy matter, causing him to smile at me.

"I can't believe you aren't coming," he said. His voice soft and concerning. I sighed, looking down between us to try and avoid his gaze.

"I promise I'll see you when I can," I told him. Actually, I was telling myself that. I didn't have the money, I knew that. And it would be hard to get plane tickets to Los Angeles whenever I wanted. Or for him to break his schedule just to see me. He was busy. I knew that, he knew that. He could probably see right through my lies at this point.

"I hope that happens," he said. His words were quiet. He sounded so exposed, weak, and vulnerable. He probably didn't believe me, and I think he knew how hard this would be.

"We aren't even dating, you should just break it off now. Forget about me," I said. I didn't think about my words. Not at all. I can't believe I said that to him.

His gaze twisted harshly as he stood up. Laying his hands at his sides as I looked down at my arms. Mentally kicking myself for saying such a thing.

"Forget about you?" He scoffed. His words were practically venom from his tongue. His words harsh. "Quinn, I don't think you realize. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," his words were loud and harsh, yet sounding so vulnerable. Something that pulled at my heart too much to bare.

"Maybe I don't realize," I whispered, taking my hand up to my face and covering my mouth. Breathing in deep breaths until he spoke again.

"You said we aren't dating, how about we do?" He asked, his voice was quiet. Almost to the point that I couldn't hear him. I turned my head to him, and I couldn't help but to smile. I nodded, meeting his eyes again as a smile casted upon his lips also.

"Yeah, I'd like that," I said, nodding gently as he stepped closer, leaning his forehead on mine. His nose close to touching mine, also.

"Good. Because I'd like that, too," he said quietly, but I could hear him loud and clear. I leaned forward, pressing my lips to his. His smiled into my lips, bringing his hands up to caress my cheeks. Making me smile also. He pulled back gently, resting his forehead on mine again and looking into my eyes.

"I love you, Quinn," he told me. His voice small. "Don't ever forget that. Please," he said. His voice cracking as he closed his eyes and reframed himself from crying. I could feel his whole body putting off a steady shake as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. He was warm. He felt protective, warm, gentle, and everything else I had fallen love with in the process of falling in love with him all together. I no longer felt alone. Because I felt like I was with him. Together.

***

ello! long time no see once again! my motivation for this story is slowly coming back into view as time passes, i think. i've been working on this chapter for weeks, and it's finally done. next chapter will definitely be the last chapter, the end. i won't start the sequel for awhile, so don't expect it very soon. thank you for sticking by me through this mess of a story, i appreciate it more than you believe. stay alive, friends. not just today, but tomorrow, too. |-/